


Slice? // Cake fanfic

by 21ChemicalSummers



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bulimia, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gay Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Suicide, Underage Sex, binge eating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 62,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9166849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21ChemicalSummers/pseuds/21ChemicalSummers
Summary: A slight AU fanfic in which the band does exist but they aren't famous yet. This fanfic will cover the topic of cutting and bullying, in which both Luke and Calum suffer from this. Ashton and Michael will not be mentioned all too much, as this will revolve around Cake.This is a trigger warning for those who suffer from cutting, depression or other similar mental illnesses. As an author with friends who have gone through basically everything I'd like to let you know I am here if you ever need to talk to someone.





	1. Slice?

This fanfic is going to be written in the same format as BCD. The format is at the beginning of each chapter, it'll state the chapter number, whose POV, and the time and date. The first chapter will have a place and what year. If the place changes it'll be stated clearly. I will try to not change POV's during a chapter so it'll be one person per chapter. If POV does change then it will be stated very clearly with an update of the date and time. Dates and times that change during a chapter will be stated very clearly in my format. You'll figure it out after chapter one.

Now the description:

A slight AU fanfic in which the band does exist but they aren't famous yet. This fanfic will cover the topic of cutting and bullying, in which both Luke and Calum suffer from this. Ashton and Michael will not be mentioned all too much, as this will revolve around Cake.

This is a trigger warning for those who suffer from cutting, depression or other similar mental illnesses. As an author with friends who have gone through basically everything I'd like to let you know I am here if you ever need to talk to someone.

Oh, and and dates and places in this fanfic will NOT match up with real life. This is a slight AU and all. So it shouldn't match anyways.

I also try not to put authors notes in chapters in hopes for the story to flow smoothly. An authors note would be placed at the beginning of the chapter if one is needed. The only other time is if emojis come into play and I know they might not show up.

That's all, enjoy the story. <3


	2. Chapter One: So you open the bathroom door?

Chapter One

***

CALUM POV

**Sydney, Australia, 2012**

**10am, March 5th**

**Luke would be 15, Calum 16, Michael 16, Ashton 17**   
(fetus 5SoS XD)

My movements are fast as I attempt to clean up the mess I've made. Halfway through cleaning up the sink my bathroom door clicks, unlocked. Who is in my house, more importantly coming into my bathroom. Mum is working, dad is also working, Mali isn't here. The band doesn't get together until 3pm. Who the fuck is here. I shove everything into the waste bin, and pull my sleeve down on my left arm.

"Hey, I was knocking but no one came." Luke says, the bathroom door now all the way open. Luke you motherfucker. You gave me a heart attack.

"Ok, so why'd you open the bathroom door?" I ask him. 

"I checked my phone for the time. I knew you were in there not going to the bathroom." He says. I pull my phone out, and glare at it.

"God, I hate how it's always the same time in the morning." I say.

"How do you manage during school?" Luke asks me.

"You mean when I go?" I ask. He nods. 

"I use the bathroom." I say in a duh voice.

"You mean Mr. Bulonski lets you go to the bathroom at the same time everyday when you hardly show up.?" Luke asks me.

"Please, I do all my work online. I have straight A's you know." I say.

"And the shittiest attendance ever." He adds.

"Who gives a shit about attendance. I'm on honor roll and that's all my mum cares about." I say.

"It's so unfair. I have to sit through hell five days a week and you can sit home doing nothing." Luke says.

"Not my problem." I shrug.

"Do you know what it's like to be ridiculed all day?" Luke asks me.

"Uh, yeah. That's why I don't go anymore. We're punk, outcasts, you and I are gay, and we're dating. Fuck that." I say.

"Yeah, well I still have to sit through it all." Luke says.

"Why're you here?" I ask him.

"Well clearly I'm skipping today. I figured I could hang with you." He says.

"Fine, let me finish cleaning this up." I say.

"Go for it." He says. I wipe everything down once more, and then take the bag out of my trash. I tie it up, and then squeeze by Luke to go throw it in the bin outside.

"Eventually someone is gonna notice." Luke says.

"Let them, they won't be able to stop me." I say. We walk back inside, and go chill in my bedroom.

"We only get away with it because we're punk and can wear sweatshirts year round." Luke says.

"Worked out perfectly then." I say.

"Destined." Luke says.

"Have you yet today?" I ask, nodding to his arms.

"Not yet today. I did three separate time's last night, they're pretty bad because of it. I'm holding off a bit." Luke says.

"Please Luke, I bet they aren't even that bad." I say. He pushes up his sleeve, and shows me his arm.

"Hm, they are pretty bad this time. Really close together." I say, holding his arm as I look.

"Yeah, Aliyah and Jai really went for it yesterday. If only my arms were their throats." Luke says, pushing his sleeve back down.

"I know. right? God, they'd be dead a couple hundred times now between the both of us." I say.

"Yeah." Luke says. I push myself up from my bed, and go over to my stereo. 

"What do you want to listen to?" I ask Luke, picking up one of the stacks of CD's.

"I don't care." Luke says. I put in Green Day's Dookie album, and then go grab my laptop.

"What're you doing?" Luke asks me.

"I've gotta do my work for school." I say.

"I'm surprised you don't do a bunch at once so you don't have to do it every day." Luke says.

"I do. I just have to do a few more Trig worksheets and I'm set for a week." I say.

"Trig is such a joke. It's easy as fuck and you're never gonna use it in life." Luke says.

"I don't even know why it's a subject. Just throw it into geometry or something." I say.

"I know. I hate being stuck in that advanced class with the nerds. Least you could do is show up so I'd have someone to talk to." Luke says to me.

"That's first period, I wake up at 9." I say.

"Yeah, I have to wake up at 5." Luke says, groaning at the thought of it.

"Ha." I say. He rolls his eyes at me.

"It's a subject because of retards like Jeff and Scott." Luke says.

"Yeah. I mean come on. How do you not understand it? There are six formulas. Three positive three negative. And the only difference is a negative sign. Seriously." I say.

"Yeah." Luke says. He plays with his lip ring while I finish up the third worksheet.

"I'm his top student and he hates that I don't show up because he can't show me off." I say.

"Mr. Cadril? Yeah, but I'm his second top student, so he fucking bugs me all period. Go help Chris, go help Amanda. They can figure it out on their own. I don't give a fuck about them." Luke says. I snicker, and he smacks my upper arm.

"What? Don't like being brought to attention?" I ask him.

"Not really. Considering the only people I don't hate in our grade are you and Michael." Luke says.

"Aw, you're so nice." I say.

"Yeah, yeah." He says.

"Well I'm done. I was gonna head out to Hot Topic. Gonna spend my allowance." I say.

"You do nothing and get paid for it, it's ridiculous." Luke says.

"It's for honor roll. Besides, Liz pays you for honor roll too." I say to Luke.

"Yeah, but she won't pay me if I skip too much." Luke huffs.

"Then don't skip." I shrug.

"She pays me to go to school, but not enough for me to go every day." Luke says.

"Come on, I need more t-shirts." I say.

"That you wear under your sweatshirt." Luke rolls his eyes.

"If you're good maybe I'll buy you something." I say.

"Please, I borrow most of your shit anyways." Luke says.

"Like that shirt." I say.

"Hm? Yup." He says, flicking the blink-182 shirt. We get up, and I shut off my music. I grab an MCR album, and we go out to my car. 

It's the lousiest excuse for a car ever, but hey it gets me to the mall. I put in the album, and blast the music. I drive through the empty suburban streets which slowly turn into the busy city. I follow the familiar route to the mall, where it takes ten minutes to find a damn spot.

"Fucking hell, it's Wednesday and all these fucks are at the mall." I say, finally parking. I get out of the car, and lock it up once Luke is out.

"I don't know why you're surprised anymore." Luke says.

"I'm not, it's just annoying." I say. We head into the air conditioned mall, and head straight to Hot Topic.

"The fact we know how to get here from every entrance." Luke says.

"It's a gift." I say. We head in, and greet the girls working there.

"Shouldn't you two be in school?" Emilia asks while she organizes some Twenty One Pilots stuff.

"Emilia when was the last time I went to school?" I question her.

"Good point. Shouldn't you be in school Luke?" She asks Luke.

"Yeah, but I'm so done with Aliyah's bullshit for this week." Luke says.

"If only it were legal to kill people we hated." Emilia says.

"Right?" Luke says. 

"Hey, I see you got a new MCR shirt in." I say.

"Yeah, came in Monday." Emilia says. 

"How much money do you have?" Luke asks me.

"20 bucks for each A. I have eight classes, you do the math." I say.

"I can't believe you get 160 bucks a week." Luke grumbles.

"Please, I spend half of it on you." I say to him.

"Yup." He says. I grab one of the new MCR shirts, and then move over to the Twenty One Pilots stuff Emilia is going through.

"There's a new shirt and hat." Emilia says, handing me a shirt in my size.

"Sick, thanks." I say.

"Oo, can I get the hat?" Luke asks.

"If you get the hat you aren't getting anything else." I say to him. He glares at me.

"The hat and a bracelet set." Luke bargains.

"Fine." I say. He grabs a hat, and heads over to the bracelets.

"I love how you have straight A's but never show up." Emilia says.

"I love it too, I get paid for it." I grin.

"Ok, I'm ready." Luke comes back over with a MCR bracelet. 

"Kat can ring you up." Emilia says. Kat waves us over. We head over and let her ring everything up and bag it. I pay the amount due, and get my change back. Luke grabs the bags, and we leave. He pulls his hat on, and I adjust it for him.

"Lets get back to my place. We've been here for three hours somehow." I say. It's now 1:30pm.

"Yeah." Luke says. We head out and over to my car.

"Do you know if Ashton needs to be picked up for rehearsal?" I ask Luke as I drive through the city streets.

"Nah, he's borrowing his mum's car." Luke says.

"Cool." I say.

"Hey do you mind if I use your bathroom?" Luke asks when we pull into the driveway.

"Throw everything in the bin after. You know where everything is." I say.

"Yeah." Luke says. I bring the bags and my CD in, and go chill in my room. When I first found out Luke also cut my brain freaked out. It was screaming at me to stop him. Why should I though. If he wanted to stop he would. If I can cut then so can he. Now my brain just shuts the fuck up. Like it always should.

"Fuck, Cal." Luke groans. I get up, and head in there.

"Yeah, what?" I ask him.

"I dropped the tissue I was using." He says. I pick it up for him, and press it to his arm.

"Don't press down so hard, fucking hell mate." Luke says.

"Sorry." I roll my eyes. I peel it off his forearm, and gently wipe any remaining blood away.

"You went kinda deep." I say, pressing the tissue back down.

"I'll have to wrap it." Luke says. 

"Hold it." I say. He takes over pressing the tissue down, and I get the bandage and wrap. He pulls off the tissue, and rinses his arm off in the sink. He dries it off, and lets me bandage him up. I put the wrap on, and then pull his sleeve down for him.

"There, you good?" I ask him.

"Yeah thanks." Luke says. I let him clean up, and head into my room to change for rehearsal. 

"Yuck, I don't know how you can put concealer on cuts that fresh." Luke walks in.

"Trust me, my arm doesn't enjoy it." I say. Once my cuts are well hidden I put on a couple bracelets and such.

"Can I borrow this shirt?" Luke asks, holding up a white shirt with black sleeves with stars on them. 

"They're three-quarter sleeves." I say.

"I'll throw on bracelets." He says.

"Go for it." I say. He changes into the shirt. 

"Wanna head over to my place now?" Luke asks me.

"Yeah. How'd you get here by the way?" I ask him.

"I walked." He says.

"I could've picked you up if you texted me." I say.

"Eh." He shrugs it off. We head out to my car, and I drive to Luke's house.

"Thank god my mum isn't home." Luke says. I park the car, and we head inside. 

"Michael is gonna be here in half an hour with Ashton." I say, pocketing my phone after reading the text.

"Cool." Luke shrugs.

"Do you have any food?" I ask Luke.

"There's a fridge you know. I'm gonna go put some bracelets on." Luke says. He heads to his room, and I head to the kitchen. 

I open his fridge, and find nothing. Well, nothing I want to eat. I close the fridge, and open the cupboard. I pull out the cookie jar, and take three freshly baked cookies out.

"Your mum makes the best cookies." I say when Luke walks in.

"Yup." He says. He takes out a few cookies, and then puts the jar away. We snack on our cookies as we head to his garage. I pick up my bass, and turn on my amp. I pluck a few strings, making sure it's still in tune.

"You should come to school tomorrow." Luke says.

"Fuck no. Why?" I ask him.

"Because I don't want to put up with their bullshit alone. Do you know how hard I want to punch them, but how hard I'd get my ass kicked?" Luke asks me.

"I'll think about it." I say.

"Thanks Cal." He says. 

"Hey guys." Michael says, walking in with Ashton.

"Hey." We say.

"You skip today Luke?" Michael asks him.

"Yeah, but it's getting to the point where I won't be afraid to hit a girl." Luke says.

"Aliyah again?" Michael asks.

"Yup." He says.

"Don't get suspended Luke." I say to him.

"I won't. I'd hit her after school." He says in a duh voice.

"Don't get grounded then." I say. He glares, annoyed with me.

"Lets get started." Ashton says. 

"Yeah, yeah." I say. Luke picks up his guitar, and everything else gets switched on.

"Lets start off today with Gotta Get Out." Luke says.

"I'm down with that." Ashton says. Michael and I both nod. We all take a bit to adjust our instruments if needed, and then we kick off rehearsal.

***


	3. Chapter Two: Your GPA went from 5.3 to 5.6?

Chapter Two

***

LUKE POV

**7am, March 6th**

I stare at the door of the classroom from my seat in the back. Come on Cal, please. Mr. Cadril walks in, and takes a seat at his desk. Calum for the love of god... The bell rings, and any other students that come are late. Calum of course decides to saunter in right after it rings. He walks past the other students who either stare or glare at him, and takes the seat next to me.

"You owe me big time." He says to me.

"Yeah I do." I say.

"Calum, how nice of you to join us today." Mr. Cadril says.

"Any of my stuff graded yet?" Calum asks him.

"Well I don't grade ahead." Mr. Cadril says.

"Whatever." Calum says.

"Well since you've already done today's lesson on your own why don't you teach it?" Mr. Cadril asks.

"Uh, no." Calum says.

"He's just gonna sleep." Someone I don't know mumbles. Mr. Cadril hands out our assignment, and I finish it before he's even done explaining it.

"The fact this class is required is a joke." I mumble to myself as I get up and turn in my paper. When I get back to my desk Calum is already out cold. I start poking him, and he grunts a little each time.

"I'm gonna murder you." He mutters, lifting his head.

"My mum bought me the newest Assassin's Creed." I say.

"Really?" He asks. He loves Assassin's Creed.

"Mhm. We can play it later." I say.

"Yeah." He says. My phone goes off in my pocket, so I pull it out.

"Michael says it's gonna be a fun day for us today." I say to Calum.

"Joy to the world." He says sarcastically.

"Yeah." I say.

"Ok, how many of you are stuck on number five?" Mr. Cadril asks the class. Everyone raises their hands.

"Are you kidding me, that was, like, the easiest one." I say. A few kids turn and glare at me.

"Calum, why don't you show them how it's done?" Mr. Cadril asks Calum.

"I hate you." Calum says to me while I grin. He pushes himself up from his desk, and goes up to the whiteboard. He grabs the worksheet, and glances at the problem. He does it on the board in a couple seconds, and slowly explains it for everyone. I silently laugh from the back. Calum glares daggers at me. Once people stop asking questions he returns to his seat.

"Seriously I'm gonna kill you." He says to me.

"No you won't." I roll my eyes. Finally the bell rings, and we have to go to our next class. Best thing about being smart is that Calum is also smart, so we have the same exact schedule.

"Where next, creative writing?" Calum asks me.

"Yeah, we're doing a project on the topic of life. I finished it Monday." I say.

"That project? Still? I finished that last Monday. Calum says.

"Well we can do nothing together then." I say.

"Fun." Calum says.

"Aliyah is in creative writing with us." I remind Calum.

"Oh, mega fun then." Calum says.

"Mhm." I say. We enter the classroom, and go to the computers in the corner.

"Oh look who decided to show up." Aliyah says.

"Yeah, I heard you're doing a project I finished last week." Calum says to her.

"Please we all know you're failing." Aliyah says.

"My grade Mrs. Turner." Calum says.

"Hundred and three, A plus." Mrs. Turner says. Aliyah flushes red.

"Yeah I bet you have an IEP or something." Aliyah says.

"My GPA Mrs. Turner." Calum says next.

"5.6 above average." Mrs. Turner says. Aliyah huffs, and turns to her project.

"I thought you were at 5.3 last?" I ask Calum.

"Don't ask me." He shrugs.

"Mrs. Turner, shouldn't they have something else to do because they're done? They are very distracting." Aliyah says.

"Both of them are two essays ahead of the class. Boys do you want to go to the library?" Mrs. Turner asks us.

"Sure." We say. Aliyah glares daggers at us while we get a pass and leave.

"Ms. Crailey is super chill, think she'll let us play music?" I ask Calum.

"Maybe." Calum says.

"Why hello Calum, it's been a while since I've seen you're smiling face." Ms. Crailey says when we walk in.

"Yeah it has. Mikey skipping this period?" Calum asks her.

"He's in the conference room, gaming." Ms. Crailey says.

"Cool, thanks." Calum says. We head back there, and Michael glances up when the door opens.

"Wow, you came today." Michael says to Calum.

"Yeah, Luke asked me to." Calum says. My arm starts itching, and my blade burns a hole in my pocket.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom, I'll be back." I say. 

"Go for it." Calum says. I get up, and head to the bathroom right across from the library. 

I go in, and duck into a stall in the corner of the room. I push the sleeve up on my right arm, and pull out my blade. I keep my arm over the toilet in case any blood drips. I press the edge of the blade against my skin, and slide it across, feeling my skin open. The itching in my arm fades a bit, and the nagging voice of Aliyah leaves my mind a little. I slice through my skin again, enjoying how cold the blade is against my raw skin. I'm about to put in another when two people come into the bathroom. I stay dead silent as I listen to them.

"Guess who showed up today?" The voice of only Jeff says to someone else.

"Yeah, who?" The all high and mighty Jai asks. I hate these fuckers with a passion.

"Calum. Aliyah said he was bugging her and then got to go to the library with his little boyfriend." Jeff says.

"Fucking faggots." Jai says. I bite my tongue.

"They shouldn't be allowed in school, they could totally have AIDs." Jeff says. We don't actually, you douchebag.

"AIDs is Mother Nature fixing the world, same with the earthquake in Haiti. She's just fixing the world." Jai says. I'm gonna kill him in cold blood some day.

"Come on, the cunt will start bitching if we don't get back." Jeff says. They finally leave, and I'm so seething angry that I rip five more cuts into my arm. I hold my blade between my teeth as I get tissue to clean my arm.

"Luke, you in here?" Calum walks in.

"Mhm." I say. 

"You were taking a while, I came to check." He says.

"Uh huh." I say.

"Blade in your mouth?" He asks.

"Mhm." I say. I finally get my arm to stop bleeding, and flush everything. I leave the stall, and go rinse my blade at the sink.

"Luke, those are pretty deep." Calum says, looking at my arm.

"Jeff and Jai came in gossiping like girls. I'm gonna murder them some day. I really will." I say. I push my sleeve down, and pocket my blade.

"Come on, periods almost over." Calum says. We walk back to the library and into the conference room.

"That took a bit." Michael says.

"There was no way in hell I was gonna be seen by Jeff and Jai." I say.

"Ah." Michael nods. The bell rings, and we all gather our stuff.

"Off to Bulonski." Michael says.

"Yep, off to Jeff and Scott. Explain to me why we took Computer Literacy two again?" I ask them.

"Because we can't graduate without it. Besides, I've finished all the work for the class already. It's only a semester course." Calum says.

"I'm nearly done everything. I think I have one section left." I say.

"Overachievers." Michael says to us.

"If you get it done all at once then you don't have to do anything the rest of the time." I say. Calum nods.

"I'm only halfway done." Michael says.

"Further than the rest of the class." Calum says.

"Good point." Michael says.

"Mr. Hood, how nice of you to join us." Mr. Bulonski says when we enter.

"The pleasure's all mine." Cal mutters. We take our seats in the corner of the class, where us three just chill while everyone else works.

"Can't believe you showed up Hood." Scott says.

"I can't believe it either, who's your new toy?" Calum asks, nodding to the girl next to him.

"Excuse me, I'm not a toy." The girl says.

"It's Ariel, but how would a loser like you know that." Scott says.

"Seems like I'm missing out on a whole lot." Calum says sarcastically. I glance at the clock, and then meet eyes with Calum. He glares briefly at me for knowing. He gets up, and heads over to the teacher.

"Bathroom." He says simply.

"Come back." Mr. Bulonski says.

"Yeah, whatever." Calum leaves.

"You're boyfriend isn't here to protect you now." Jeff says.

"You don't scare me, you make me want to stab you." I mutter.

"Aw, the little fag is whimpering." Ariel says.

"And the little slut is slutting." I mutter. Michael smirks to himself.

"Aw, are you gonna cry little baby?" Scott asks. I'm seriously considering pulling out my blade and cutting their throats. Ok Luke, being a convicted murderer is not how you get signed to a record deal. 

"Aw, he's angry." Jeff says.

"Why don't you three piss off and do your work. I know Luke is hot and all, but drool over him somewhere else." Calum walks in. Thank god.

"We are doing our work unlike you." Ariel says.

"I've already competed all the assignments for this class." Calum says.

"Bullshit." Scott says.

"He's telling the truth. Why don't you three turn around and do your work. Maybe you'll pass." Mr. Bulonski says. I smirk, earning glares from them. Calum sits back down, and we both lean closer to each other. 

"Save up your money, you may have to bail me out of jail some day." I whisper to him.

"I won't let you kill anyone." He whispers back. 

We stay close like this for the rest of the class. We don't get disturbed by the fuckers anymore. Michael is too busy gaming to notice us. It's nice and peaceful until the bell rings.

"One more class and then lunch." Calum says to me.

"Yay." I say unenthusiastically.

"Come on psychology is always fun." Calum says.

"Yeah. I guess. Mrs. Fareway is just too cheery though." I say.

"True, but only Aliyah and her fellow plastics are in there." Calum says.

"Don't turn this into Mean Girls." I say. He laughs.

"You caught me." He grins. We walk in, and have to walk through the desks filled of barbie dolls to get to our seats in the back. Aliyah tries tripping me, so I crush her foot into the floor. She glares at me while rubbing here foot. Did I mention she's wearing sandals and not real shoes? No? Oops.

"Why hello there Calum! It's so great to see you. How have you been?" Mrs. Fareway comes over.

"Fine." He says flatly.

"Oh come on, at least pretend to like school." Mrs. Fareway says.

"Yay, school." Calum says in monotone. I crack a grin. 

"You two are hopeless." Mrs. Fareway says.

"That's what we're going for." Calum says. 

"You think you're so cool don't you. I don't have to go to school to pass. Look at me I'm Calum Hood." Aliyah says.

"I don't think I'm cool. I know it, it's a fact. Just like I know you're a-"

"Ok class!" Mrs. Fareway purposely cuts off Calum.

"Slutty bitch ass whore." He mumbles. I bite my lip, and play with my lip ring.

"Today we are gonna shuffle around the class and you and your partner are gonna tell each other a personal secret." Mrs. Fareway says.

"Why'd we take this class again?" I ask Calum.

"Because our mums thought it would be good for us." Calum answers me.

"Oh yeah." I mutter. 

"Everybody up. Shuffle up and then pair up. Not with your friends." Mrs. Fareway says, mainly to Calum and I. Everyone gets up, and somehow I get stuck with a barbie doll named Amanda. Calum is right next to me with Aliyah.

"Ok, now the secrets." Mrs. Fareway says.

"My secret is that I only eat once a day, what's yours?" Amanda asks me. Ah, one of the perky, innocent, dumb barbie dolls. These I can handle.

"Mine is I play guitar." I say.

"That's cool."

"Ok what's yours?" I hear Aliyah ask Calum.

"My secret is that I secretly think you're a slutty bitch ass whore." Calum says. She stares at Calum in complete shock.

"Your boyfriend isn't very nice." Amanda says to me.

"He treats people the way they deserve to be treated." I shrug. She goes to slap him, but he coolly steps backwards. She hits nothing but air, and loses her balance.

"Shouldn't have called me a faggot." Calum shrugs. She turns bright red in anger.

"Jai will kick your ass you fucking queer." She spits at Calum.

"Aliyah, detention." Mrs. Fareway says.

"Are you kidding me?!" She shouts.

"I am not kidding. Harassment will not be tolerated in this classroom. Go to the ISS room." Mrs. Fareway says. Aliyah grabs her stuff and stalks out.

"Ok, reclaim you seats." Mrs. Fareway says. We all go back to our seats, and Calum and I grin at each other.

"Now did you learn anything you didn't already know about someone else.

"I think I know someone who did." Calum snickers. I nod. The bell goes off to signal lunch, and we basically run out.

"Yo, heard you got Aliyah ISS all day and a detention. Very nice." Michael says to us when we join him at our lunch table.

"I also called her a slutty bitch ass whore." Calum says.

"Jai incoming." I warn them. They both watch him as he storms over.

"What did you call Aliyah?!" He demands.

"I was just telling them, I called her a slutty bitch ass whore." Calum says. Sometimes I think he has a death wish. Jai grabs him and throws him out of his seat. But Calum isn't exactly scrawny like me. He catches Jai's fist when he goes to punch him. Cal knows to wait it out and not fight back. Calum holds him back for the few seconds it takes for teachers to run over. They pull him off and pull him out of the cafeteria. Calum gets up, and sits back down like nothing happened.

"So worth it." He grins. Soon the three of us are grinning and trying not to laugh.

"Four more classes and then we can get out of here." I say.

"Government next right?" Calum asks me.

"Yup, no more of the assholes either." I say.

"Cool." Calum nods. The bell rings, and we get up to finish the school day.

***


	4. Chapter Three: This was the least of my problems

Chapter Three

***

LUKE POV

**4pm, March 6th**

"I wish we were still playing as Ezio." Calum says while his character runs through Boston MA during colonial times.

"Yeah, but they squeezed three games out of him. Besides Revelations was an awesome end to Ezio." I say.

"You're right, but why the hell are we playing as a Templar?" Calum asks.

"Maybe it changes characters after some big event you cause." I shrug.

"Maybe." He says. I scoot closer to him, and lay my head against his shoulder.

"What're you doing?" He asks, still paying attention to the game. 

"I'm watching you play." I say.

"I'm gonna go borrow your bathroom, you play." Calum suddenly gets up. 

I nearly fall over because I was leaning on him. I take the controller, and watch him walk away, pushing the sleeve up on his right arm. I hit the Playstation button on the controller to check the time. Just seeing the time makes my arms burn. Normally I've cut long before now. I see why Calum left so suddenly, it must've been driving him nuts. 

I continue playing, and the answer as to why we are a Templar comes. So that Native American chick we fucked, yeah she has a kid. I pause the game at the start of the next cutscene, and set the controller down. I get up, and head to the bathroom.

"Hey." He says. I watch him put another slice in his skin, and it makes my arms burn more.

"I think it's about to tell us why we were playing as a Templar. I paused it. That Native American chick we fucked had a kid." I say.

"No shit. Watch him grow up to be an Assassin and have to kill his dad. Calling it now." Calum says, soaking up the blood on his arm with tissue.

"I don't want to rush you, but my arms are on fire, can you hurry up?" I ask him.

"Sense of time came back?" He asks me.

"More like I checked the time." I say. He chuckles.

"I went to check the map and hit the wrong button and saw my progress amount and my brain went, "that's gotta be a long time"." Calum says. I chuckle.

"I'm done you can go, I'll move." He says, stepping off to the side to dry his arm. I pull my blade out of my pocket, and push up my left sleeve.

"Maybe you should cut your other arm." Calum says, looking at me arm. 

"Yeah." I say. I push that sleeve down and push my right sleeve up.

"Geez, maybe you should chill so your arms can heal up a bit." Calum says.

"They're fine, besides have you seen your arms?" I ask him. He lifts the tissue off his arm and nods.

"You have a point." Calum says. I move up my forearm a bit, and slice through my skin. I put in another and decide that's enough for the day. I rinse my arm and my blade.

"Luke? You home?" My mums voice echoes from the front door.

"Go stall her about the game." I whisper to Calum. He tosses away his tissue, and squeezes past me. 

"Hey Liz! Luke just went to the bathroom. This new game is sick." Calum says to my mum.

"Luke said you like these games, so I figured I'd get him the new one. He deserves it for doing so well in school." My mum says. I finish cleaning up my arm, and pocket my blade. I throw everything away, and tie up the bag of trash to be thrown out. I grab it and walk out.

"Hey mum, I'm gonna throw this out real quick." I say.

"Ok hun." My mum says. I step outside and toss it in the bin. I come back inside, finding Calum waiting to hit play on the game. I sit down next to him, and he hits play.

"How are you boys wearing sweatshirts? It is so hot." My mum says from the kitchen.

"Because we can mum." I say.

"How was school today?" She asks.

"It was school." I say.

"Aliyah bugging you again?" Mum asks. Calum bursts out laughing, and I glance at him strangely.

"Sorry, sorry. I just remembered that I got her a detention." Calum grins.

"You got Aliyah a detention?" My mum walks in with a tray of cookies.

"She called me a faggot. I won't tell you what I called her because it wasn't pleasant, but then she called me, and I quote, a "fucking queer". That's what got her detention." Calum explains.

"Well a girl with that kind of mouth deserves a good spanking." My mum says.

"If I murdered someone would I get in trouble?" I ask.

"Who are you gonna murder?" My mum asks, kind of worried.

"Scott and Jeff." I say.

"What class?" My mum asks.

"Computer Literacy two." I say.

"I'll talk to the school. You and Calum are their top students, I'm sure they wouldn't want you to transfer out." My mum says.

"Thanks mum. Do I have to go tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yes, considering you skipped yesterday." My mum crosses her arms.

"Aw come on mum, I have straight A's! Calum doesn't have to go and he has straight A's." I pout.

"Well you aren't Calum." My mum says.

"You can't make me go." I mumble, crossing my arms.

"Luke, we will not have this discussion right now." Mum says.

"Fine." I say. She walks back into the kitchen, and Calum turns to look at me.

"You wanna crash at my house tonight?" He asks me.

"I better not." I say.

"Come on Luke, I'll even go to school with you again." He says.

"Fine." I say. He lets go of the controller with one hand, and pulls my head closer to him. He kisses my lips lightly.

"We can leave after dinner." He says to me.

"Ok." I say. He ruffles my hair, and I pull away in disgust.

"Don't touch my hair." I say. I run my fingers through it, and swoop it to the side.

"But I love your hair." Calum grins at me.

"Don't touch it." I say.

"Ok, ok." He says. Don't tell him, but I love when he touches my hair. 

"Calum, does your mum know you're here?" My mum asks Calum.

"I didn't tell her, but she always assumes that." Calum says.

"Ok." She says. I watch Calum play the game some more, and get kind of confused.

"Is that the kid?" I ask.

"Mhm." Calum says. I watch as he plays hide and seek in the game.

"Something bad is gonna happen." I say.

"Probably. Hey! Called it! That's the guy the kids dad partnered with!" Calum exclaims, pointing at the screen.

"Yup." I say, lowering his hand back to the controller. We continue playing and after a bit we come back to the village in flames.

"Those motherfuckers!" Calum shouts.

"Calum!" I smack him.

"Sorry!" He shouts, grinning a bit.

"Boys, supper is ready." My mum pops in.

"Coming." I say. I pull the controller away from Calum and pause it.

"Hey!" He glares at me.

"Up, move it." I say.

"Arm." He mutters so quietly I almost don't ear him. I glance down at my arm, and curse under my breath.

"Later." I mutter. I push Calum into the dining room.

"That smells amazing." Calum says.

"Aw thanks Cal." My mum smiles at him. We all take a seat, and get to eating.

"So, how'd Luke convince you to go to school today?" Mum asks Calum.

"He said he was gonna murder people." Calum says. I blush, and look down at my food.

"I'll head down first thing in the morning and give them a piece of my mind." Mum says.

"Thanks mum." I mumble.

"I can drive you in." She says to me.

"Oh, um, I was gonna crash at Calum's." I say.

"Oh, ok. Just don't be late to school. That means you have to wake up Calum." My mum says to him.

"Hey, I woke up this morning, I was only seconds late. They're just glad if I show up at all at this point." Calum says.

"Why don't you just go normally? It can't be that bad." My mum says. I stare at her. For real?

"Your son wants to murder people..." Calum trails off.

"I can't see you putting up with their crap." My mum says to Calum. I start glaring at her. Calum notices my growing anger.

"I don't." Calum says. 

"Why don't you go then?" My mum asks him.

"Because I can't stand the way they treat Luke." Calum says.

"Why don't you do something then?" My mum asks him. Calum if you're smart you'll stop this conversation now.

"I do." Calum says. He didn't stop it.

"Well Luke, why don't you do anything?" My mum asks me. Calum winces when he feels me snap.

"You did not just ask me that." I grit my teeth.

"Well do you do anything?" My mum asks.

"I'll be in the car, hurry up or I'm jacking it." I snap at Calum. I get up and storm out of the house. I get into the passenger seat of his car, and slam the door shut. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at my house. Only a minute passes when Calum comes out. He gets in, and immediately looks over at me.

"Luke-"

"I am not in the mood to talk." I say, cutting him off.

"Peng-"

"Call me that and I'll hit you." I cut him off more harshly.

"Look at me." Calum grabs my head with both hands and turns it to look at him.

"Calm down." He says. I just continue glaring at him.

"Stop it." He says. He brushes my hair back out of my face, and I glare harder at him. 

"Don't touch my hair." I snip. He rubs my cheekbones with his thumbs. Fuck, he is being cute. This is rare.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, and you're gonna kiss me back and then smile." He says. He leans closer and kisses me, and of course I have to kiss him back. He pulls away, and I smile at him. That fucker. He lets my head go, and fixes my hair.

"Stop touching my hair." I smack his hand away. He grins at me, and threads his fingers into my hair.

"I know you love it, don't deny it." He says.

"Just drive." I pull his hand out again.

"Ha, you didn't deny it." He says, starting the car.

"You told me not to." I say. I turn up the radio which is playing Green Day's American Idiot. He drives us to his house which takes a couple of minutes. When we pull up he turns down the radio.

"Sorry for not stopping the conversation." He says to me.

"It's whatever." I say.

"Penguin." He smirks, getting out of the car. I groan.

"How are we supposed to be punk when you call me that?" I ask him.

"It's not my fault you love penguins. You're weird you know. Australia is about as far from penguins as you get." Calum says when I get out of the car.

"Don't judge me." I stick my tongue out at him. 

"You can use my bathroom." He says, gesturing to my arm.

"Yeah, this sweatshirt's probably ruined." I say.

"You can borrow one of mine." He says.

"This is yours." I say. He shakes his head, and leads me inside.

"Hey Cal, hello Luke." Joy smiles at me.

"Hi Joy." I say.

"You spending the night?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"You going to school again tomorrow?" She asks Calum.

"Yeah." Calum says. 

"That's good." Joy smiles at him.

"We ate at Liz's we'll be in my room." Calum says, leading me to his room. I close the door behind me, and then pull off the sweatshirt I have on.

"Here, I'll get rid of it." Calum says, taking it from me. I walk into his bathroom, and hold my arm out in front of me. I take some tissue, and dampen it. I carefully rub the blood off my skin. Calum stands in the doorway watching me.

"My mum coming home made me rush and do a shitty job cleaning it up." I say.

"I see that." Calum says.

"I'm gonna let my arms heal up for the rest of the week." I say.

"You should." Calum says. I watch him in the mirror as he gets stuff to bandage my arm.

"It's not that bad." I say.

"I'm wrapping your arm and you're not gonna argue with me." Calum says.

"Ok." I say. I keep my arm held out as he wraps it.

"Here, you can wear this." He says when he finishes, handing me a sweatshirt. I take it and pull it on. 

"Thanks." I say. We leave the bathroom, and go lay down on his bed.

"I wish my mum could just understand and be cool like yours." I say. 

"Wanna skip tomorrow?" He asks me.

"Please, she's going to talk to the principle. If I don't go-"

"Luke, she doesn't control you. You're miserable even thinking about it." Calum says, looking over at me.

"If I don't go she'll ground me." I say.

"She can't take away your phone if you don't give it to her." Calum says.

"But I have to give it to her." I say.

"No you don't." Calum says.

"Cal, you don't get it." I sigh.

"You call yourself punk but you're afraid of your own mother." Calum says.

"Do you want me to rebel against her or something?" I ask.

"Yes." He says.

"Uh... I guess?" I say, not sure if it's a good idea.

"Sweet! We're skipping tomorrow." Calum says.

"Ok." I say. 

"I'm gonna go to sleep now, it's been a while since I've woken up so earlier." Cal says. He pulls me closer to him, and cuddles up to my side.

"You're so strong penguin." He whispers into my ear. I close my eyes when I feel them water. If you think I cut out of anger then you clearly don't know the whole story. Cutting was the least of my problems only a year ago.

***


	5. Chapter Four: It's our little secret

Chapter Four

***

CALUM POV

**10am, March 7th**

I watch Luke sleep peacefully, knowing I'll be in my bathroom soon. When is the last time he's slept in? Poor thing. I gently move his hair out of his face, and he makes incoherent sounds. Oops. He doesn't move at all, and I let out a breath of relief. His phone buzzes on my dresser, so I silently get up and grab it. It's his mum grounding him. I unlock his phone, and read the message so he won't see it. I lock his phone and put it back. 

I head into my bathroom, and push the sleeve on my left arm up. I look at the scars and the scabs. I just wanna pick them off, but I know they'd bleed. My skin isn't itching today, I'll hold off. I push my sleeve back down, and go lay down with Luke again. I gently pick up his right arm, and push the sleeve up. I look at the cuts I can see that aren't covered. 

I remember when I first realized I liked Luke as more than a friend, he realized he liked me like that at the same time. That was last year when I walked into his room to find his wrists cut in a suicide attempt. Our eyes met and that was it. Oh, that's also when my brain freaked out when I found out he cut. I saw him slice his other wrist open. 

It's our little secret. I patched him up and pulled him out of the rut he was in. I used to be the biggest coward when it came to Jai and Jeff. Now I'm not because I protect Luke. Sure it causes me even more pain, but you didn't seem him sitting there bleeding. If you had you'd understand why I let them harass me more. Which is also why I skip school. I go when Luke needs me to.

"Why are you staring at my scars?" Luke startles me.

"Oh, um, sorry." I say, pushing his sleeve down and letting him take his arm back.

"What time is it?" He asks, sitting up next to me.

"10:30." I say.

"Damn, that's the best sleep I've had in a while." He yawns.

"I bet it was." I say.

"So, am I grounded yet?" He asks me.

"Yup." I say.

"Figures." He says.

"But it doesn't matter because you're rebelling." I remind him.

"Yeah." He says. 

"What do you want to do today?" I ask him.

"I'd love to go to the beach, but I don't like salt water." He says.

"Neither do I." I say. It's more like our arms don't like salt water.

"Lets just walk to the park and chill there." He says.

"Good plan." I say. We get up, and I fix my hair to the best of my ability.

"How bad is my hair?" Luke asks me.

"It's fine." I say.

"Cool." He says. I toss him his phone, and grab mine. We walk out of my room, and head outside. 

"You're well aware I'm gonna be going out of my mind all day right?" Luke asks me.

"I'll manage." I say. We walk down the sidewalk in silence. He reaches and grabs my hand.

"Oh so when you want to be cute it's acceptable." I say.

"Please Cal, it's not my fault you never want to be cute." Luke says.

"Good point." I say. We get to the local park, where we go sit under a tree.

"Can you take my blade out of my pocket? It's driving me nuts." Luke says.

"Yeah, no problem." I say. I let go of his hand, and pull his blade out of his pocket. I put it in my back pocket. I put my arm around his shoulders, and pull him a bit closer.

"I like rebelling." Luke says, laying his head on my shoulder. 

"Oh looky here, seems like I've found a couple of faggots." Jai appears out of nowhere.

"Piss off Jai." I say.

"Don't tell me to piss off you faggot ass bitch." Jai grabs me and throws me away from Luke. 

"Hey, leave him alone." Luke says.

"And what are you gonna do about it?" Jai asks him.

"I-I'll kick your ass." Luke says, trying not to be scared for his life.

"Oh really now?" Jai asks. He grabs Luke by the arm and pulls him up.

"You and your boyfriend got Aliyah written up you know." Jai says to Luke.

"Well maybe she deserved it." I say.

"You shut your fucking trap Hood." Jai says to me. 

He throws Luke into the tree, and then punches him in the face. I jump up and push Jai away. Jai punches me in the face, and I lose my balance. He goes back to Luke, punching him in the side. I get up, and punch Jai in the face before he can stop me. He punches me in the face harder, and I fall backwards. Fucking hell! I hold my face in my hands, feeling blood gush out of my nose. I start getting kicked in the ribs, and just let it happen. Eventually it stops and I think Jai leaves.

"Cal? Cal, are you ok?" Luke appears at my side. I nod.

"Let me look." Luke says. He carefully forces my hands away from my face.

"Is it broken?" He asks me. I shake my head.

"Can you get up?" He asks.

"I think so." I say. He holds onto my arms, and helps me up.

"Luke! Your face!" I exclaim, grabbing his head and holding him still.

"I'll survive." He pushes my hands away. 

"Ow, fuck." I curse, hugging my ribs.

"Let me look." Luke says. I shake my head. He forces my arms away and lifts my shirt. He gently touches my ribs, and I jerk away.

"Come on, lets get back to your house and we can put some ice on it." Luke says. He lowers my shirt, and puts one of my arms around the back of his neck. I lean against him as we walk back to my house. It takes an excruciatingly painful fifteen minutes before we reach my house.

"Come on Cal, lay down here while I get some ice packs." Luke says, helping me lay down on my bed. I lay there, trying not to move but the pain is so unbearable I have to move.

"Stop moving, here, this'll help." Luke says, pushing my shirt up and laying two ice packs on my ribs.

"Those are fucking cold!" I exclaim.

"That's the point." Luke says. He heads into my bathroom, and comes back with a damp cloth. He leans over me, wiping the blood off my face.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I ask Luke.

"Cal I'm fine." He says, moving to getting blood off my hands.

"Let me see that." I say. He hands me the cloth, and I reach up to wipe the little blood off his face.

"Your lip ring is busted." I say. I set the cloth on the bed next to me, and reach up to pull out his broken lip ring.

"Thanks Cal." He says.

"Your lip is swollen." I say, rubbing my thumb against his lip.

"I think I'll survive." He says.

"What time is it?" I ask, letting my arms rest next to me. He pulls his phone out, and presses the home button.

"It's 2:30." He says.

"My mum will be home soon." I say.

"Ok?" Luke says.

"She's gonna want to examine every inch of my body." I say.

"Well we sure as hell can't go to my house. My mum will either kill me or do the same exact thing." Luke says.

"Text Michael and ask if we can come over." I say. He pulls my desk chair over, and sits next to my bed. He looks down at his phone while he texts Michael.

"You should spike your hair up." I say.

"Um, no." Luke glances at me through his hair.

"Well you should do something with it." I say.

"I'll put it on my to do list." He says.

"What does Michael say?" I ask.

"He says we can come over. Cal, I won't let you drive." Luke says.

"You don't have your license yet." I say.

"We won't get caught." He says.

"Fine." I say. He carefully takes the ice packs off my chest. He takes them and the dirty cloth and walks out. I try sitting up, but immediately regret it.

"God if you weren't there I so would've beaten him to a pulp." I groan.

"You could've done it with me there." Luke walks back in.

"No, he would've said we double teamed him." I say. He holds his hands out for me, and I take them. He pulls me up, and then helps me stand up. He walks me out to my car, and sits me in the passenger seat.

"You good?" He asks me. I nod. He closes my door, and rounds the car to drive. I pull out my keys, and hand them to him.

"You sure you're good?" He asks me.

"Luke, I'm good." I say. He starts the car, and starts towards Michael's house. 

"If I was capable of kicking his ass I would've." Luke says. 

"I know you would've." I say. A few minutes of silence later and we pull up to Michael's house. Luke parks and shuts off the car, and then comes around to help me out.

"Jesus Christ, what happened to you?" Michael asks from the front door.

"Jai happened." I say. Luke helps me up the steps, and we follow Michael inside.

"Can you handle the stairs?" Michael asks me.

"Yeah, yeah." I say. Luke helps me up the steps, and I wish I had said no by the time we get all the way up.

"I'll go get some Advil and ice packs, lay him down on my bed." Michael says to Luke. 

"Here Cal." Luke says, helping me sit down. He helps me lay down.

"Luke, I'm fine." I say.

"No, you're in pain." He says.

"My life is pain." I say. He rolls his eyes.

"Your life isn't that bad." He says.

"I guess you're right, it can't be that bad if you're in it." I say. He fake gags.

"Cheesy Cal." He says. I smack his arm.

"Shut up." I grin at him.

"No kissing in my room by the way." Michael returns.

"I can hardly move, so you can hit Luke if he kisses me." I say.

"Hey! No you can't." Luke says to Michael. Michael lays some ice packs on my chest.

"Here." He hands me a bottle of Advil and a bottle of soda. I go to open the bottle of Advil, but Luke takes it and does it for me.

"Luke, I swear to god if you open my soda for me I will hit you." I say.

"Ok, ok, sorry." He says. He hands me two pills from the bottle, and I put them in my mouth. I open my soda, and take a drink to wash the pills down.

"I'm going back to my game." Michael says, going over to his computer. Luke moves me over a bit, and lays down next to me.

"Is your side ok?" I ask him.

"It's a little sore, but I'm fine." Luke says.

"I'm thinking of dying my hair cotton candy blue." Michael says.

"That's cool. I told Luke he should do something with his hair, what do you think?" I ask Michael.

"I agree. He should like spike it or something like that." Michael says.

"What is with you guys wanting me to spike my hair?" Luke asks.

"Do you know how fucking hot you'd be?" I ask Luke. Michael fake gags.

"I'm not hot now?" He asks.

"You are, but you're more cute than hot." I say.

"Um, is there something wrong with that?" Luke asks.

"No! I didn't mean it like that. No, I adore how fucking cute you are." I say.

"Ok... I'll think about doing something with my hair, but no guarantees." He says.

"Fine." I say.

"Michael? Who's here?" His mum asks from downstairs.

"Cal and Luke!" Michael calls down to her.

"Ok." She says. Michael's phone starts ringing, and he glares at it annoyed. He picks it up, and then turns to look at us.

"It's Liz." He says.

"We aren't here." Luke says. Michael nods and answers.

"Sup Liz." Michael says upon answering.

"No, they haven't bugged me yet." Michael says into the phone.

"Yeah, I'll let you know if they show up. Yeah, bye." Michael hangs up.

"What'd you do to piss off your mum?" Michael asks Luke.

"I skipped school twice this week now, and I'm probably gonna skip tomorrow." Luke says.

"He's rebelling." I say.

"My mum will probably make you guys go tomorrow if you stay over." Michael says.

"Not when she see's what Jai did to us." I say.

"Maybe." He shrugs.

"Michael, dinner will be ready soon! Are they staying?" His mum asks up the stairs.

"They're staying over!" Michael calls down.

"Ok hun." His mum says.

"I hate when she calls me that." Michael mutters. The door opens a bit, and Karen pops in.

"Hi boys. Calum! What happened?" She asks.

"Jai happened." I say.

"Are you ok?" She asks.

"Yeah, just sore is all." I say.

"Are you ok Luke?" She asks Luke next.

"Yeah, also sore, but fine." Luke says.

"Do your mums know?" She asks.

"No." We say.

"Aren't you gonna tell them?" Karen asks.

"My mum and I are in a fight." Luke says.

"My mum will freak out and overreact." I say.

"Well ok, if you need anything just ask." Karen says.

"We will." Luke says.

"Dinner will be ready soon, Michael why don't you let them sleep in here." Karen says.

"Fine mum." Michael says. She leaves, closing the door gently.

"Please for the love of god don't do anything weird in my bed tonight." Michael says.

"We won't, god." I say.

"Who do you think we are Mikey? God." Luke says.

"You're Cake." Michael says.

"Cake? What the fuck is that?" I ask.

"It's, what do they call it, a ship name? I don't know." Michael says.

"A ship name? Like that Larry shit from One Direction? For the love of god do not use a ship name on us." Luke says.

"Oh god." I say. Michael laughs.

"I'm texting that one to Ash. We will forever call you two Cake. No more Calum and Luke, it is forever Cake." Michael laughs evilly. Both of us groan. Michael turns back to his game.

"I like Cake." Luke whispers to me, cuddling up to my side.

"Want a slice?" I ask with a grin.

"That's good." He says.

"That it is." I say.

"God, after today..." Luke trails off. 

"I know." I say. Subconsciously I am so beyond pissed off at Jai and I just really want to gash my arms open, but I said I'd hold off today. I know Luke feels the same way, and it bugs him even worse.

"Boys! Dinner!" Karen calls to us. Michael groans, pausing his game again.

"Lets do this again." I say. Luke gets up, and then helps me up.

"It hurts less." I say.

"Good, lets go eat." Luke says. We all leave Michael's room, and head down to eat dinner. Once it hits midnight I am so cutting.

***


	6. Chapter Five: I forgot my blade...

Chapter Five

***

LUKE POV

**1am, March 8th**

I try my best to resist the urge to scratch my arms open, which makes it impossible to sleep. I lay there rubbing my arm, trying not to wake Cal. 

"Luke just take your blade and go. Otherwise I'm gonna hit you." Calum mumbles to me, pulling out my blade and handing it to me.

"Thanks." I say, taking my blade. 

I get up from the bed, and head out to the bathroom down the hall. I go in, flick the light on, and lock the door. I push my sleeve up on my left arm, and scan my arm. I slice right in the middle of my forearm. I go deeper than intended and know that's my built up rage playing a factor. I put in three more slashes into my arm. God it feels so good feeling the blade dig into my skin and getting rid of the burning under my skin. You wouldn't understand unless you tried it. Though I wouldn't recommend trying this unless it is your last option. It was my last option. But I don't regret it at all.

"Shit." I mutter. I turn the faucet on and put my arm under the cold water. 

This is the second best part. Feeling the water go into the open cuts. It feels amazing. I rinse off my blade and pocket it. I turn off the water and let the water drip off my arm. I get some tissue and press it against the cuts. I wait there for a while, leaning against the sink counter. After a couple minutes I lift the tissue off. I toss it into the toilet, and wipe my arm with fresh tissue. Once I'm sure it's no longer bleeding I flush the evidence I had cut in here. I push my sleeve back down, unlock the door and shut the light off, and return to Michael's bedroom. I get in next to Calum, and cuddle up to his side.

"Better?" He asks me.

"Much." I say. I know he cut earlier, that was also what drove my temporary insanity. I close my eyes, and fall asleep much easier without the itching under my skin.

**6am**

"Boys? Are you awake?" Karen peeks into the room.

"Hardly." I mumble out.

"I'm not gonna make you two go to school after taking a beating like that. I'm just letting you know I'm dropping of Michael and then I'll be at work. You can help yourself to anything you need." Karen says.

"Ok, thanks Karen." I say.

"You're welcome." She says. She closes the door quietly, and I hear her walk away.

"You awake Cal?" I look over at him.

"Ernggg." He makes a nonhuman sound.

"Ok." I whisper. I cuddle back up to him, but can't fall back to sleep.

I end up just staring at him for a while. I'll admit it probably seems creepy as fuck, but I don't care. I know it's weird for me to say this, especially only being 15, but I don't want to live without Calum. He's the only reason I'm not dead. I should be. I shouldn't be covered in hideous scars, I should just be dead. I mean, I'm thankful and all. I'm glad I'm not dead. But sometimes being dead would be so much easier.

"Ick, I hate thinking like that." I mutter to myself. I carefully let go of Cal, and get up from the bed. I go over to where Michael has an acoustic guitar on a stand and pick it up. I sit down in his desk chair, and grab a nearby notepad. I've been trying to write a song, but I've come up with nothing.

"Babe, what're you doing?" Calum stops my train of thought. Asshole.

"I was trying to think." I say.

"Oh, sorry." He says.

"Asshole." I mumble. 

I stare at the guitar, and try out a few chords I think of. The song comes together out of nowhere in my head, and I start writing it down. I can feel Calum watching me, but it doesn't affect me. In fact, I want him to come up with the lyrics. I stop writing, and start playing what I've come up with. It's a slower song than what we'd normally do, but I just know it's perfect. So slow drums may not be used, or very little anyways.

"Title it Invisible." Calum says while I play the guitar.

"Invisible?" I ask.

"Yeah, then give me the notebook." He says. I write Invisible on the top of the page, and then toss Cal the notebook and pencil.

"I think this one we'll save for a while." Calum says while he writes.

"You think?" I ask.

"Yeah, definitely." He says. I watch him write, and continue playing the tune I came up with.

"When you read this you'll know it came from someone who isn't ok." Calum says.

"Same for when you hear it." I say. Cal nods. I stop playing, and move to play American Idiot by Green Day. Cal grins up at me.

"Thanks for breaking my concentration." He says.

"Just repaying the favor." I grin. 

"You suck." He says. I stick my tongue out at him.

"What ungodly time is it?" He asks me.

"Probably seven by now." I say.

"What a disgusting time to be awake." He says. I get up and put the guitar back. Calum rips out the page we were using, and folds it up. He holds it out for me, and I take it and pocket it.

"We're up, lets get food." He says. I go over to him in case he needs help.

"Back off, it doesn't hurt much anymore." He pushes me back a bit.

"Ok, ok." I say. I watch him get up just to make sure he doesn't, like, keel over or something. He pulls his phone out, and goes through his notifications.

"Your mum is freaking out." He says.

"Maybe I should stop rebelling for a bit. Before she has a heart attack or something." I say.

"Yeah. I'm gonna call my mum and tell her where we are before she has a stroke." Calum says. He walks out of the room with his phone. I pull my phone out, and call up my mum.

"Luke, oh my god, I've been trying to get you since yesterday morning! Where are you? Are you ok?" My mum immediately bombards me with questions.

"Mum, mum, chill. Calm down. I'm fine, Cal and I are at Michael's." I say.

"Luke, you're skipping school again?" She asks me.

"Mum, Calum and I got our asses kicked yesterday by Jai. Yes I'm skipping." I say.

"Luke! If you got beaten up you should've called me!" He exclaims.

"Mum, calm down. I knew you'd freak out or like murder me for skipping." I say.

"Luke, you shouldn't be afraid to talk to me. Getting beaten up is serious." She says.

"I know mum." I say.

"For the love of god come home tonight or at least tell me where you are." She says.

"Ok mum." I say.

"And next time you see Michael tell him that if he lies to me I will have Karen smack him." Mum says.

"He only lied to you because I didn't really want to talk to you yet last night." I say.

"Well, ok hun. I guess you aren't grounded, but you sure as hell are going to school all week next week." Mum says.

"I'd go if it weren't torture in every form." I say.

"I talked to the school, they said they made changes to those kids' schedules and now they aren't in any of your classes or your lunch." She says.

"Thanks mum." I say.

"No problem hun." She says.

"I better go and make sure Cal didn't give Joy a stroke or something. You know how she gets when Cal is hurt." I say.

"Yeah, ok hun." Mum says.

"Bye." I say.

"Bye." She says. I hang up and pocket my phone. Thank god that is over. I leave the room, and find Cal pacing the hallway on his phone.

"Mum, I said I'm fine." He says into the phone. I take his phone from him, and put it up to my ear.

"Joy?" I ask.

"Oh Luke. Is Cal ok? He said you two got beaten up by Jai? How bad is he hurt-"

"Joy, Joy, calm down. He is fine. We both are. Just a few bruises nothing major. Nothing an ice pack and some Advil couldn't fix." I say.

"Are you sure? I mean. Are you sure?" She asks.

"Yes I'm sure. Karen checked us over when she got home yesterday. We're both fine." I say.

"Oh thank god." She says.

"I'm gonna give you back to Cal now." I say.

"Ok hun, thank you." She says. I hand Cal his phone back and he glares at me. He hates how fast I can calm her down. 

"Mum we're gonna get some breakfast now." He says into the phone.

"Yeah, ok, bye." He says, hanging up.

"I hate you." He points at me.

"Oh no you don't. If it weren't for me she'd have a stroke." I say. He rolls his eyes.

"Lets get some food." He says. We walk downstairs, and head into the kitchen.

"God, you're gonna fuck up my routine by waking me up so early." Calum says, rubbing his right forearm.

"Sorry." I roll my eyes. I go over to the fridge, and look around. I pull out the milk, and go find some cereal.

"Make me a bowl, I'll be right back. I have to go deal with this." He says, walking away towards the bathroom. I get two bowls, and pour some cereal in each one. I pour milk in mine, and then set it next to Calum's bowl. I get a spoon, and go sit down. I eat my cereal, and look around the kitchen. Calum comes back in, and finishes making his bowl of cereal. He puts the milk away, and then comes to sit next to me.

"I was thinking about death this morning." I say.

"Why?" He asks me.

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Penguin, it may not seem it, but I give the best hugs if you ever need one." He says. 

"That a guarantee?" I ask.

"It is." He nods.

"No, I'm ok for now, thanks though." I say.

"Ok." He says. I finish my cereal, and then go put my bowl in the sink.

"What do you want to do today?" Cal asks me.

"I don't know." I shrug, leaning against the counter.

"Do you want to see if Ash is busy?" He asks.

"Sure." I shrug. Calum pulls out his phone, and starts texting Ashton. I go and put his empty bowl in the sink for him.

"He says he's free to hang." Cal says.

"Cool, where though?" I ask.

"He said he'd meet us at my house." Cal says.

"Your mum isn't home, right?" I ask.

"Nah, she's working." He says. He gets up, and we head out to his car. 

"Here." I hand him his keys. We get in, and he drives the short distance to his house. Well, it isn't super short, but it doesn't take forever.

"The fact it's half past eight and I'm awake." Cal mumbles when he pulls in.

"If you keep complaining I'm gonna smack you." I say. We climb out of his car just as Ash pulls up in his car.

"You won't smack me." Cal says to me.

"Hey guys, what happened to you?" Ash asks. Cal leads us inside while I explain.

"That asshole. I can kick his ass if you'd like." Ashton says.

"No." Calum says.

"He wants to do it." I say to Ash.

"Good luck." Ash says. We follow Cal to his room.

"Well what do you two want to do?" Cal asks, sitting on his bed.

"I knew there was no plan." Ashton says.

"I wouldn't be awake right now- ow!" Cal exclaims when I smack him.

"I warned you, you didn't believe me." I say to him, sitting next to him.

"Why don't we hit the beach?" Ashton suggests. 

"Ugh, no, with our luck Jai and his friends will be there." I say.

"But there will be three of us, and they wouldn't fuck with me. I could clean them out with my pinky." Ashton says.

"So we'd go there and be bored there instead?" Calum asks. We both really don't like saltwater for the same reason.

"Gosh, you guys just really don't like the beach." Ashton says, sitting down in the desk chair.

"Saltwater is gross." I say. In front of Ash you have to be careful because he can figure you out in half a second. He used to be bullied, god knows why, I wouldn't fuck with him, so he can tell when something's up.

"Saltwater is good for your skin." Ashton says.

"If you like so much why don't you marry it?" I say.

"Ok, ok, chill." Ash says.

"Sorry, I really don't like the ocean." I say.

"Why?" He asks.

"I just don't." I shrug. Ashton stares at me quizzically. 

"Well there's a freshwater pond not far from my house. Unless you have something against freshwater too." Ashton says.

"Oh shut up. I'm down for a pond." I say.

"Sure, I guess." Cal says.

"That means you punk fucks will have to wear t-shirts because if you are wearing a sweatshirt at the pond I'll rip it off of you." Ashton says. Oh, fuck.

"Fine fine, go get towels or something from the downstairs bathroom." Calum says. Ashton walks out, and we both look at each other.

"I have waterproof concealer." Calum says. 

"Good." I say. We both get up, and pull our sweatshirts off. I stare at my arms for a second, and glare at them. 

"Is that my shirt?" Calum asks me.

"I think everything I'm wearing is yours, and I mean everything." I say.

"That's fucked up. Ok, come here." He says. We go into the bathroom, where for some reason he has concealer to match my skin tone. I'm not surprised by him anymore. He applies it to my arms, and I watch the scars and everything disappear.

"Not much can be done about the scabs, but I covered what I could." He says.

"Good thing we were recently beat up against a tree. If he asks I'll say I scraped my arm on the tree." I say.

"Nice, go stall him. Oh, and shoes probably aren't a great option for a pond." Calum says.

"Got flip flops or something I can borrow?" I ask.

"Yeah, closet." He says. I go into his bedroom, and take my shoes and socks off.

"I'm borrowing a pair of swim trunks." I say.

"Fine." He says. I pull my pants off and pull on a pair of swim trunks. I go get some flip flops, and then head downstairs to stall Ash.

"I'm gonna stop by my house to change, it's on the way." Ashton says, throwing the two towels at me. Guess he'll grab his own towel.

"Cal is changing, he'll be right down." I say.

"Cool, I'll go start the car." He says, walking out. Cal comes down in green swim trunks and holy hotness. He has a shirt on yeah, but damn he looks hot as fuck in green.

"Here." He hands me a pair of sunglasses.

"Thanks, we're stopping at Ash's so he can change." I say, taking the sunglasses.

"Cool." He nods. We head out to Ashton's car, and he drives to his house. I left my blade in the pants I was wearing. I've need felt so detached from something.

***


	7. Chapter Six: He hit me then dumped me, that bitch

Chapter Six (longer chapter here)

***

CALUM POV

**9am, March 8th**

If Luke says one more thing about saltwater or the ocean I'll hit him. I mean, is he trying to hint to Ashton that we cut? I hope that's not him playing it safe, because that would be disappointing. 

"I'll be right back out." Ashton says to us, stopping the car outside his house. Once he's gone Luke looks back at me.

"I did a shit job at trying to play it safe earlier." He says to me.

"Well at least you know." I say. He glares at me briefly.

"This shit feels weird." He says.

"Well don't mess with it." I say.

"I won't." He says. He turns back around when Ashton comes back.

"What're you two gossiping about?" Ashton asks, pulling back onto the road.

"Couple things." I say.

"Don't want to know." Ash immediately says.

"God Ash, you react like you think we talk about like blow jobs or something." Luke says.

"Because that is what I think you talk about." Ashton says.

"Ash, we're both virgins." I say.

"I don't care, you can be weird and still be virgins." Ashton says.

"Blow jobs count as oral sex, so we wouldn't be virgins if we gave each other blow jobs. I think that goes for rim jobs too." I say. Even Luke looks at me wondering why the fuck I'm an expert on this.

"Don't give me that look! We learned about oral sex in health last year." I say.

"Yeah, but not blow jobs and rim jobs." Luke says.

"Well what else would oral sex be?" I question Luke.

"Guys! Stop, it's weird." Ashton says.

"Ok, sorry." I grin innocently. We get to the pond, and there's a couple families with toddlers.

"Do you two have plans this weekend?" Ashton asks us while we choose a spot to put our stuff. Freshwater beaches are the best. One, no saltwater, and two, no sharks. Well, hopefully no sharks.

"Not really. We were gonna chill and shit." Luke says. Luke and I never actually plan to chill, it just happens.

"Well there's this party-"

"No." I cut him off. I hate parties.

"Aw come on. Their kids my age, people from your grade shouldn't be there." Ashton says.

"Ash, you're only two years older than us, I can guarantee you people from our grade will be there." I say.

"Come on, you two need to live a little." Ashton says.

"Parties aren't our thing, sorry Ash." Luke shrugs.

"Michael's going." Ashton says.

"Cool, let him." I say. The thing about being at any sort of beach, we all turn into little kids.

"Last one in the water is buying lunch!" Luke shouts, running towards the water. Ashton and I run after him, and I literally pull him to the ground and jump into the water. Ashton passes him while he gets up, and he glares at me.

"Cal, I don't have any money." Luke says.

"Saw that coming. Ash you were second, you pay." I say.

"What! The rules were last one pays! He was last, he pays. I don't care if it comes from your wallet." Ashton says.

"You owe me however much lunch costs." I say to Luke.

"Fine..." Luke says. He joins us in the water, and I start a water fight. I mean, someone had to.

"I'm gonna kill you." Ashton says when I soak his head. I laugh my ass off, when he suddenly pushes me under. I struggle under his grasp and soon get free.

"Ashton, no drowning people, it's rude." Luke says. I turn and glare at Luke. Ashton and I both start advancing him, and he quickly swims away. We swim after him, and I manage to grab his ankle. I pull him closer, and Ashton pushes him under. We let him up after a few seconds.

"Sorry, water in my ears, couldn't hear you before." Ashton grins at him. For no reason my eyes shoot to look at Luke's left arm, where a newer cut has started bleeding. I new water in general was a bad idea.

"Your arm is bleeding." Ashton points out to him. Keep calm Luke. Please.

"It is? Oh, that's from the tree I got shoved into, it must've started bleeding while I struggled." Luke says, shrugging it off like nothing.

"Oh, ok." Ashton says. Luke thank god.

"I'm bored now." I say.

"Well what do you want to do?" Ashton asks me.

"Crawl back into the depths of my bedroom." I say. Ashton rolls his eyes.

"You are so antisocial." He says to me.

"I don't like people." I say.

"Lets go get lunch." Luke says.

"That I have to pay for. If you went to school you would have money." I say.

"Calum, if you start talking like my mum I will not hesitate to dump you. I'm serious." Luke says.

"Ok, ok, sorry." I roll my eyes. We get out of the water, and dry off on the small beach area.

"Lets go." Ashton says. We grab our stuff, and head to his car. I sit in the back with Luke this time.

"No anything in my car." Ashton says.

"Yeah yeah." I say.

"We weren't gonna gosh." Luke says. I am a strange person you see. Some days I have moments where I want to be cuter than a baby bunny. Do you realize how cute baby bunnies are? I want to be cuter than that. I know it's quite literally impossible, but I'm still pretty fucking adorable.

"Cal, what're you doing?" Luke asks me when I hug his arm and cuddle up to him.

"Nothing." I say. He doesn't question me further, and lets me cuddle him. Swimming makes me sleepy. I close my eyes, and nudge my head into the crook of his neck. So sleepy.

I start dozing off, but Luke decides to lift my head. Like, what the fuck. Leave me alone. I am tired. I glare at Luke who is giving me a questioning look. He lets me nudge my head back to where it was, and I close my eyes again. He kisses the top of my head, and my heart has a little spasm. Cuteness overload. He kissed the top of my head, holy shit. Relationship goal fulfilled.

"Is he sleeping?" Ashton asks. I feel you looking at me Irwin.

"He's trying." Luke says quietly. Aw, he's being quite for me. He's gonna fulfill so many relationship goals right now. The car jerks to a stop, and I grunt.

"Ash! Cut it out." Luke scolds Ashton who is giggling to himself. Asshole. Luke brings a hand up and pets my head. Holy fucking shit. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I can't even. Too cute.

"Go to sleep baby, don't let him bother you." Luke whispers to me. Oh my god he called me baby. 

"We're at McDonalds." Ashton says. I pull my wallet out and throw it at him. Luke chuckles as I cuddle back up to him like nothing happened.

"Get Cal and I a Big Mac meal." Luke says. 

"I want a coke." I mumble.

"We want cokes." Luke says. He wiggles his arm out of my hold, and wraps it around me. He pulls me in closer to his side. I start falling asleep, and he slowly moves me to lay my head on his lap. My eyes close for the last time and then I'm fast asleep.

**3pm**

I wake up in my bedroom, lying on my bed with Luke cuddled up next to me. I'm in dry clothes with a hoodie on. He changed my clothes for me. That's really cute and kinda weird at the same time. I glance at Luke, and notice he passed out while fucking cutting in my bed. God I hope he didn't pass out from blood loss. I get up and go get some damp tissue. I return to his side, and clean up his right arm. I go throw away the tissue, and then return to his side. I hold his arm up so I can inspect it. Looking at his cuts makes my arms burn. I take his blade and go clean it off. I go set it on my dresser, and sit down on my bed next to him. I'm gonna try waking him up. Just in case he did pass out due to blood loss.

"Luke." I carefully shake him. He doesn't react in any way, so I shake him some more.

"Luke?" I question. He grunts a little bit. Thank god. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack if he didn't respond. 

"You ok?" I ask him. 

"Yes." He mutters.

"Well you fell asleep while cutting." I say.

"So that's why I feel like I died." He says, slowly sitting up.

"Probably. Where's my food?" I ask. Yes, he could've died and all I care about is food.

"It's on your desk." He rubs his eyes tiredly. I get up, and go grab both bags. I toss his onto his lap, and return to my spot.

"Thanks." He mumbles. 

"Eat a little, you'll feel better soon." I say.

"Yeah yeah." He mumbles. He gets cranky when he doesn't feel good.

"I will turn into a cute bunny rabbit again if I must." I say.

"What?" He asks, looking over at me.

"I will." I say.

"You're fucking insane." He mumbles.

"You're a bummer." I say.

"Well you don't have to sit here with me." He snips.

"But this is my bed, and my room, and my house." I say. He glares at me.

"Fine." He says. He gets up and walks out. 

"Luke! Come on, don't be like that." I get up and follow after him. He ignores me and walks out the front door.

"What're you gonna do, walk home?" I ask him.

"Mhm." He nods.

"Luke, you're overreacting." I say.

"No I'm not. You're right. It's your bed, your room, and your house. So I'm going home to my bed, and my room, and my house." Luke says.

"But you're my boyfriend, so what's mine is yours." I say.

"I don't care, go home and stop following me." Luke says. I know how to get him to come back.

"Your blade is on my dresser." I say simply. He stops in his tracks, and pats all of his pockets. 

"Son of a fucking whore." He curses.

"If you want it you better come get it." I say. He turns and glares daggers at me.

"You know I would've put your blade back in your pocket like a good boyfriend should." He snaps at me, walking past me back to my house.

"You'd put it back in my pocket so you could touch my ass." I say.

"When you do something good you get rewarded, but you wouldn't know that." He says. I try not to laugh at that because I know now isn't the time to laugh.

"So touching my ass is just a given reward?" I ask.

"Calum you know that isn't the point at all so fucking forget it." He says. 

"Come on Luke, I'm sorry, ok?" I ask.

"No, not ok. I'm going home once I get my blade." He says.

"I said sorry like a good boyfriend should when he fucks up and a good boyfriend would accept the apology." I say.

"Cal why don't you just piss off." Luke says.

"Sorry, I forget you are just the most perfect boyfriend ever. Everything you do is right." I say.

"Cal just shut the fuck up already." Luke says.

"I would if you'd be reasonable." I say. He enters my room, grabs his blade and shoves past me with it.

"Luke for the love of god can you stop walking for a minute? God, this is too much exercise." I say when we leave my house again.

"No! I won't stop! Not everything is about you Cal!" He shouts at me.

"I never said everything was! I just want to fucking talk to you." I say.

"Well I don't want to talk to you. Go home." He continues walking.

"Oh my god Luke, you're being ridiculous." I say.

"No, you're ridiculous." He says to me.

"What about rehearsal?" I ask.

"You are uninvited." He says. My jaw drops.

"So I fucking take care of you in there and this is the thanks I get? Do you know what would've happened if my mum walked in on that? She would've called your mum." I say.

"If you care so much, thank you for cleaning me up, now fuck off!" He turns and shouts at me.

"No." I say.

"Cal if you follow me any further we are through. Don't fucking test me." Luke says. I glare fucking daggers through his head.

"Fine." I say. I grab him by the arm and start dragging him to my house.

"Let me go Calum!" He shouts at me.

"Make me!" I shout back.

"Boys! What is going on?" My mum says from the driveway.

"It's nothing mum." I say. Luke full on punches me in the face, and I fall to the ground. I was not prepared for that.

"We are fucking through Calum." He spits at me. He storms away, and I just stare at him as he goes. My mum runs over to me, and kneels down next to me. She grabs my face to inspect it, but I just keep watching Luke go through my now watery eyes. He hit me. He hit me and broke up with me. I clean him up, give him his food, tell him where his blade is, apologize to him, and he hits me and breaks up with me. I hope that asshole knows I will not go down without a fight because he just threw the first punch.

"Cal? Say something, are you ok?" My mum asks. I start getting up before she can check my entire body for injuries. 

"That douchebag is going down." I state. 

"Calum! Language!" My mum smacks me upside the head. I run down the road after Luke who is long out of sight by now. I catch up to him right before his house.

"You fucking cunt!" I yell at him, throwing him to the ground. He rolls onto his back, slightly scared since I came out of nowhere.

"After all I've done for you and you're gonna break up with me?! You have balls to hit me because now I'm gonna fucking murder you." I say.

"What part of fuck off don't you understand?!" He shouts at me. I kick him in the side and he yelps in pain.

"You know I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect boyfriend you wanted! You know, I thought I did pretty well, but apparently I didn't live up to your standards! If anyone is ever dumb enough to date you maybe they'll do better than I did!" I shout at him. I'm not crying, the air got in my eyes while running.

"Boys? What's going on? Is everything ok?" Liz walks out of the house.

"Yeah it's fucking amazing! Here's you son, I don't want to see him ever again!" I force him up and throw him towards his house. I turn around and start the walk back to my house. I just left him there, partially injured with a short sleeve shirt on with his worried mum. If he knows what's best for him he'll run over and beg forgiveness. 

I get about three hundred feet away when I hear him running after me. I stop walking and turn around to face him. I wipe the tears off my face, and try to focus my eyes through my tears. He stops in front of me, and I can see the tears running down his face. If he hits me again I'll murder him on the spot. He throws himself at me and wraps his arms around me. I fucking thought so. I wrap my arms back around him tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. You are the best boyfriend please forgive me. I take everything I said back. Please forgive me Cal. I'm so sorry." He sobs into me. Tears stream down my face, so I just hug him tighter. My voice won't work. I'm crying too hard.

"Cal, please forgive me. Take me back please. I didn't mean any of it. Please Cal, I'm sorry for hitting you." He continues crying.

"I-I do. I forgive you." My voice finally decides to work. Somehow he sobs harder into me. 

"You're the best boyfriend ever, I promise." He says into me.

"Damn straight I am." I say. He chokes on air because he laughs while he's crying.

"Don't die after this or I swear to god I'll kill your body." I say, patting his back to try to help. Saying that just makes him laugh harder.

"Your mum is slowly making her way over." I say. That snaps him out of his little laughing fit.

"You threw me at her on purpose." He lifts his head to look at me.

"Yup, your arms are showing." I say. 

"Jerk." He says.

"Excuse me?" I ask him.

"But you're my jerk." He grins innocently. I roll my eyes at him, and let him go. 

"My house or yours?" I ask him.

"We have rehearsal, mine." He says.

"Am I invited?" I ask.

"You have a lifetime invitation." He says. I chuckle at him.

"So... Is everything good or...?" Liz asks when getting close enough to us.

"Yeah, he apologized." I say.

"But didn't you have him on the ground?" Liz asks me.

"That's because he punched me in the face and broke up with me." I say.

"Luke! I thought I raised you better than that!" Liz scolds him.

"I said sorry though! And he got me back for it." Luke says.

"You don't hit your boyfriend. Just like you wouldn't hit a girl. Don't hit your loved ones. Wait, you broke up with him?" Liz asks Luke.

"I was in a very bad mood. And I apologized and he took me back." Luke says.

"It was either that or murdering him, I figured that wouldn't go down very well." I say, smirking at Luke who glares at me for it.

"Well why don't you boys come inside and clean up and get something to eat." Liz says.

"Food sounds good." I say pointedly to Luke. 

"Shut up." He mumbles. We follow Liz back to their house, and we go inside. 

"You boys head upstairs and clean up, I'll make you boys something to eat." Liz says. Luke and I head up to his room where we properly hug.

***


	8. Chapter Seven: I'd rather die but you smell amazing

Chapter Seven

***

LUKE POV

**7pm, March 8th**

"Where are you going?" Calum asks me when I get up from my bed.

"Bathroom." I say.

"No way. I know what happens when stuff goes wrong in your life. Sit your ass back down." Calum says. I just stare at him, not sure if I should listen.

"You go in there and I'll be right behind you." He says. I still don't know what to do. He reaches over, grabs my arm, and pulls me back down.

"Just lay down here with me, let your blood levels get back up to normal, and let your mind chill out." Calum says.

"I'd rather just-"

"Luke." He cuts me off. I feel like I'm gonna physically be sick.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." I say.

"Just relax Luke, everything will be ok." He says. What's it gonna take for him to call me penguin? Like, please call me penguin. I don't think he understands that I might actually be sick.

"No Cal, I think I'm gonna throw up." I say.

"Oh shit, for real? Hold on." He says. He heads to my bathroom, and gets the rubbish bin. He hands it to me, and sits down next to me. He brushes my hair back out of my face.

"You're gonna be ok penguin." He says to me. Hearing him call me that makes me so happy, but I also puke at the same time. He rubs my back soothingly while I empty my stomach.

"Feel better now?" He asks me. I shake my head. Like, now my chest hurts, and I just want to cry, and I want to die, and just make it stop. He passes an arm over my shoulders, and squeezes me reassuringly. My body tries making me throw up again, but there's nothing left to throw up. I just want to stab a knife through my stomach and let it be over with.

"Luke don't." He says when I try pulling out my blade. 

"Just let me end this misery Cal." I say with tears in my eyes.

"No, because then you'll cause the worsening of mine." He says. He takes the rubbish bin and moves it aside.

"Look at me Luke." He says to me. I turn to look at him.

"You don't really want to die Luke." He says to me.

"Yes I do Cal, living sucks." I say. 

"Luke, I will never let you kill yourself. Ever." Cal says.

"I wish you would." I say.

"No you don't." He says. Shit, he's getting seriously fucked up because of this. Ok, right now I've decided no I don't. For now. Only because I'm hurting him.

"No, I don't." I say quietly. He hugs me tightly, and it makes me feel a lot better. Normally I can just snap out of the death thoughts. I couldn't this time.

"Luke, I promise, everything will be ok." Cal says to me. 

"I need a break from life." I say back.

"I think you need a nap." Cal says to me.

"That too." I say.

"Then please take a nap." Cal says.

"I can't." I say.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Because I don't know, I just can't." I say.

"Now, death isn't allowed, crying is though penguin." Cal says.

"Fucking mind reader." I say. He smiles at me.

"I know earlier was really hectic, so I'm here for you penguin." He says. 

"I know you are." I say. He needs a pet name.

"You need a pet name." I say to him.

"Why?" He asks.

"Because I have one." I say.

"But that's because you're penguin." He says.

"That, that made no sense." I say. He giggles.

"I'm gonna call you koala." I decide.

"Koala?" Cal asks.

"Yup Cal the koala." I say.

"Whatever you say penguin." He says.

"I'm gonna get up and grab something, don't freak out or something." I say. 

"Ok." Cal says. I get up and go over to my desk. I open it up, and grab a clipboard.

"Heads." I say, chucking it blindly at Cal. I pull out the pieces of paper I wanted, and grab a pencil.

"What do you want to listen to?" I ask.

"I don't care." Calum says. 

"Well aren't you helpful." I say. I put in Panic! At The Disco. I can feel Calum watching me to make sure I don't do something stupid.

"Can I take my blade out of my pocket and put it in my dresser?" I ask, turning to face him.

"Yeah, do anything else with it and I'll smack you with this clipboard." He says. I carefully pull my blade out of my pocket, and go put it in my dresser. Ok, so maybe I ran my pointer finger along the blade. I go sit back down with my stuff, and Cal smacks me with the clipboard.

"Ow! I didn't do anything." I pout. He grabs my hand and holds it up to show my bleeding finger.

"It was an accident- ow!" I whine when he smacks me with the clipboard again.

"Penguin, when you've been cutting for so long you don't accidentally cut yourself." Cal says.

"Shit." I mutter.

"Yeah, I'm not an idiot." He says. I pull my hand back, and suck on my finger.

"The song?" Cal asks, taking the paper from me. I nod.

"I write well post death thoughts." I say.

"That's why you started writing the music for this?" Cal asks me.

"Yup." I say. I take the clipboard and put the paper with the lyrics on it. 

"I'm gonna put your trash back." Cal says.

"Ok." I say. Cal gets up and does as he said. 

When he isn't here watching me I can't help but think about cutting. It controls my life in a way. It's a stress reliever at times, and god do I need it right now. That's why I cut my finger. I glance at the bathroom, and know he's doing more than he said. I find that slightly unfair. It's not though. I run a hand through my hair and stare at my dresser. I'm losing my mind. I set the clipboard aside, and get up from my bed. Cal appears from nowhere and pushes me back down.

"Luke, no." He says. I groan. He moves me over a bit, and sits next to me. I stare at him so unamused it isn't funny. He sits crisscross on my bed to fully face me. 

"If you stop thinking about it then it won't bother you anymore." Cal says.

"Says the one who was just cutting." I say. He glares at me briefly.

"Would you like a kiss?" He asks me. Where did that come from?

"Sure?" I say questioningly. Suddenly he has me pinned down against my bed and is kissing me. Holy fuck. My heart's doing like backflips and shit. Now I want to kiss him instead of cut, how did he do that? He unpins my arms and holds my head still.

"See, this is ten times more fun to think about." Cal says against my lips. I make him shut up and keep kissing him. I hold his waist so there is no chance of him going anywhere. My hearts racing while my blood levels are still a bit low, and I'm getting really lightheaded. If I wasn't laying down I'd fall over.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Calum notices something is wrong.

"I'm dizzy as fuck." I say. He giggles.

"Did I make you lightheaded?" He asks. I nod. He giggles some more.

"That's adorable." He says.

"You're adorable." I say.

"I know." He grins at me. I reach up and pull his head back to my lips. 

"Boys?" My mum knocks on the bedroom door. Cal rolls off of me, and we sit up.

"What?" I ask. The door opens enough for her to step in.

"There's ice cream in the freezer, your father and I will be back soon." She says.

"Fine." I say.

"Behave." She says to us. She leaves the room, closing the door.

"God, she acts like we're five." I say.

"I think she meant no sex." Calum says.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her." I grin innocently. Calum rolls his eyes.

"We aren't gonna have sex, gosh penguin." Cal says.

"Fine." I say.

"Now, why don't we try this again." Cal grabs the clipboard. I take it from him and lay down on my back. I attempt to hold the clipboard above me and write on it, but drop it on my face. Yup... Cal picks it up off my face, trying not to laugh.

"How am I the second best student in our school?" I ask.

"Because we have a bunch of morons for classmates. You're just an idiot." Cal says. I take the clipboard back and smack him with it. I sit up with it, and stare at the paper. 

"I'm gonna go get that ice cream your mum mentioned." Cal says, getting up. He leaves my room, and I stare at the door. 

Did... Did he just leave me here alone when I know exactly where my blade is, and how many feet it is to get to it, and how deep I have to cut to hit a major artery? Either he really trusts me or is a full blown moron. I stare at my dresser now, and can basically see my blade through the wood. I glance at the door again, but he still hasn't returned. If this is a test, the likeliness of me failing is at ninety-nine percent. I put the clipboard down, but only stare at my dresser again. It's so close and it'd be so easy. Well, actually it is relatively easy except for when Calum comes and saves your life. 

"Back." Cal walks back in.

"Thank fucking god I was losing my mind." I breathe a sigh of relief. Calum grins at me.

"I know." He says. He sits back down and I hit him with the clipboard again.

"Jerk." I say.

"If you were serious about killing yourself then you'd be laying on the ground with slit wrists right now." Cal says. He better not be challenging me because I am very serious about dying.

"I'm not because you'd do the same thing you did last time." I say.

"Yup." Cal says.

"You have no idea how serious I am about dying." I say.

"Yes I do." He says.

"Clearly you don't." I say.

"Cal, if I wasn't here with you then your wrists would be slit." Cal says.

"Then don't say I'm not serious about dying." I say.

"Ok, sorry. Eat some ice cream." He hands me the tub.

"Topic changer." I mutter, opening the ice cream.

"Yup." Cal says. I grab a spoon from him, and take a spoonful of the ice cream.

"I want it to just be Monday already." I mumble.

"Don't you want to spend time with me?" Cal asks me.

"Yes and no." I say. He glares at me.

"Why no?" He asks.

"That's a stupid question koala." I say. He blushes due to the new pet name.

"So you don't like spending time with me because I care about you." Cal says.

"No, I don't like spending time with you because you save my life." I say.

"I'd rather you alive and hate me." Cal says.

"I'd rather die and like you." I say.

"Well either way we're spending the weekend together. Well, not either way, my way." Calum says. 

"And do what? We have no lives." I say.

"I thought we could try chilling at the park again." He says.

"Fuck no." I say.

"Oh come on, what're the chances of Jai being there." Cal says.

"Fifty fifty I think." I say.

"Well, yeah, but that wasn't the point." Cal says.

"You got your ass kicked and you want to try that again." I say,

"Yes, is there a problem with that?" He asks.

"Yeah, you're a fucking psycho." I say.

"That's not a problem, that's a blessing." Cal grins. I roll my eyes at him. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me from the side.

"It's a blessing, don't deny it." Cal smiles adorably up at me.

"How can I deny something when you look so cute?" I smile back at him. He kisses my cheek just to be even cuter.

"Stop it." I giggle into his neck.

"Never." He giggles back. I set the ice cream out of the way, and pin Cal to my bed. He grins up at me like a child.

"I've got you." I grin at him.

"No you don't." He says.

"What'll happen if I tickle you?" I ask. A look of pure horror takes over his face. I poke him in the stomach, and a grin breaks out across his face.

"Don't." He giggles. I poke him some more and he squirms a bit.

"I'm gonna tickle you until you scream mercy." I grin.

"No!" He exclaims. I start tickling him, and he starts laughing really hard. He hits at my hands but can't stop me. 

"Stop! Stop!" He exclaims while laughing.

"Say mercy!" I laugh at him.

"Never!" He shouts. I tickle him some more, and he laughs so hard he starts coughing. 

"Mercy! Mercy!" He shouts. I stop tickling him and flop down on top of him. He catches his breath while I giggle at him.

"Something funny?" He asks me.

"Your face." I snort with laughter.

"Haha, hilarious." He grins at me. I giggle into his chest. He runs his hand through my hair, and that alone makes me really tired.

"Go to sleep penguin." He says quietly to me.

"Don't go anywhere koala." I say back.

"I won't." He says. I let my mind slow into a sleepy state. All I can smell is Cal because I have my face buried in his chest, I love it.

***


	9. Chapter Eight: Who knew getting hit by a car hurt

Chapter Eight

***

CALUM POV

**10am, March 9th**

You know, waking up and immediately freaking out is great. Really, you should try it. I stare at the door to the bathroom. Please for the love of god walk out of there. This is not how I wanted Saturday to start. I get to my feet, and walk over to the bathroom door. I knock carefully so if he is just cutting he doesn't get scared.

"Luke?" I question.

"Leave me alone, I'm thinking." He says.

"About what?" I ask.

"You're just gonna open the door anyways." He says.

"Well now I am." I say. I grab a pin, and pick the lock on the door. I put the pin back, and open the door. I step in and close the door behind me. Luke is sat on the floor against the door of his shower. An image of the first time I found him here flashes in my mind. I go and sit down next to him. He's hugging his knees to his chest and has his head laid against his knees.

"What're you thinking about?" I quietly ask him. He doesn't answer me for quite some time, and I actually thought he was ignoring me.

"Pros and cons." He says. I carefully pull his blade out of his hand.

"It's not worth it." I say.

"Please." He mutters.

"It's not." I say.

"Yeah and what do you know?" He questions.

"Why's it worth it then?" I ask him.

"I won't have to put up with school bullshit anymore, I won't have to live with hideous scars covering my arms, I won't have to put up with my mum's nagging, I won't have to deal with knowing I have to put up with all that shit, I won't have to deal with knowing I will never have a life-"

"Ok, stop." I say. He grows quiet immediately.

"Give me my blade." He says.

"No." I say.

"I won't have to put up with you telling me no." He mumbles.

"Fine, here then, do it. Do it right now in front of me." I put his blade back in his hand. He doesn't move at all for a minute or two.

"Well?" I ask him. He doesn't move still, but slowly turns his other arm over to show everything. I watch his hand with the blade carefully, and see him turning it around to cut. He lifts his head to watch what he's doing. I move at lightning speed and grab his wrist just before the blade makes contact with his wrist. I grab his arm with my other hand so he can't move it to the blade.

"I knew there was no point in trying." He throws his blade at the door. I let go of him, and let him curl up like he was before. I reach forward and grab his blade off the floor. I sit back now with his blade in my hand. 

"I can't believe you'd just leave me like that, without even thinking of what you'd do to me." I say.

"Just because I didn't say anything out loud doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you." He says. 

"You know if you need me you can just say so. Especially with school." I say.

"I know." He says. He sits up a bit, but only to wrap his arms around me and hide his face in my neck.

"I'll always have your back penguin." I say to him. He sniffles, now crying. 

"That's it baby, let it out." I say, rubbing his back. He cries into me, shaking with every breath he takes.

"I've got you penguin." I whisper to him. He continues crying for at least twenty minutes, and I comfort him the whole time.

"That's better now, isn't it?" I ask him when he seems to be calming down. He nods against me. I rub his back gently while he collects himself.

"Thanks for being here for me Cal, I really need you." He says.

"Well I'm not going anywhere ever penguin." I say. 

"I want you to take my blade away for the week and no matter what I say or do you won't give it to me." Luke says.

"Sure, I can do that." I say.

"Thanks." He says.

"I'd do anything for you penguin." I say.

"I know." He smiles into my neck. I'm waiting for him to test me.

"Can I have my blade before we start this week thing?" Luke asks me. There it is.

"No." I say.

"But it's Saturday, Sunday is the start of the week." He says.

"No." I repeat.

"Pretty please?" He asks.

"Nope." I say.

"What about for a kiss?" He asks.

"No." I say.

"Not even for a kiss?" He asks.

"Not even for a Scooby snack." I grin. He giggles.

"Fine." He says. I put his blade in my empty pocket.

"Why don't we get some food and then attempt the park again?" I suggest.

"Sure." He says. I get up onto my feet, and hold my hands out for him. He pushes his sleeves down, and then takes my hands. I pull him up, and then hug him.

"Your scars aren't hideous, they're beautiful, they are what makes you you." I whisper to him. He nods against me, and I squeeze him tight before letting go.

"Man am I glad we met." Luke says to me.

"Same." I say. I hold his hand firmly in mine while we walk to the kitchen. 

"Hey boys." Liz says when we walk in.

"Hi Liz." I say to her.

"Where are you two off to?" She asks.

"We were gonna try to hang out at the park again." I say.

"Well you two have fun with that." Liz says. Luke and I head out and start walking down the street.

"So school's that bad then." I say to Luke.

"Cal, the last thing I want to talk about is school." Luke says.

"You could've asked me to come when it started getting bad again." I say.

"I don't want them to bully you instead though." He says.

"Penguin what they say doesn't hurt me anymore." I say.

"Are you gonna come this week?" He asks me.

"Absolutely." I say, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Thanks." He says. I squeeze him tight.

"I thought Aliyah lived in the super rich part of the city." I say.

"She does." Luke says.

"Well then she built a gang and is hunting us down." I say.

"Told you this was a bad idea." He says. I move my arm and hold his hand instead again. One of Aliyah's gang members points to us and soon they're all coming over.

"Here we go." Luke says. Luke and I stop walking as they get to us.

"If you thought you were gonna get away with getting me detention then you have another thing coming." Aliyah says to me.

"Like your new schedule?" I ask her.

"That's not gonna change anything. I am going to make both your lives hell in and out of school." She says.

"Yeah 'cause hell is all you know." Luke says. A few of the girls with her giggle.

"What'd you say picklepuffer?" She asks Luke, stepping closer.

"I said you're a bitch from hell." Luke says. Should I let him hit a girl? Well, she'll probably hit him so it'd only be fair...

"Do you think you're funny? You aren't." She says.

"I wasn't trying to be, but when you're the topic it'll always be hilarious." Luke says. Her friends giggle again.

"I could kick your ass faggot." She says to Luke.

"I'd sure love to see you try." Luke says. He wants her to hit him just so he can hit her back.

"Oh yeah? Back the fuck up Hood." She says to me. I take a few steps back, and watch with a smirk. She throws a punch at Luke, and hits him in the arm. He doesn't even flinch but backhands her really hard across the face. She stumbles backwards into her group of friends.

"You twat!" She shouts at him.

"Well come on, kick my ass." Luke says.

"I'll send Jai and Jeff after you, watch yourselves." She says.

"Pussy." Luke says.

"I am not a pussy." Aliyah says.

"You're too much of a wimp to fight me so you're gonna get your boyfriends to do it." Luke says.

"I'll fight you!" She shouts at him.

"Well I'm waiting." He says. She swings at him again, and he grabs her wrist.

"Weak." He pushes her away.

"You think I'm weak?" She asks him. She kicks him in the balls, and I wince. Luke takes a few steps backwards, holding his crotch.

"Punch her." I say, pushing him forward. He punches her in the head, and she falls to the ground.

"You're a dirty fighting slut and I could kick your ass any day, so don't fuck with me." Luke says to her.

"Ali, come on, let Jeff and Jai handle it." One of the girls helps her up.

"A real man wouldn't hit a girl." Aliyah says.

"A real man would beat your ass regardless of gender, get out of here." Luke says to her. Her and her posse retreat, and today has turned out to be possibly the best bad day of my life.

"That was fucking amazing." I say.

"That bitch kicked me in the balls." He says.

"Yeah and then you punched her in the head. How did it feel? Amazing, right?" I ask him. I enjoyed it a bit too much, or did I?

"Yes, it was amazing." He grins.

"Come on, we've got our park back in the meantime." I say. I take his hand, and we walk into the park.

"I want to know what her parents did wrong while raising her so my kids never turn out like that." Luke says. We sit down on a park bench that's facing a little duck pond.

"They had her, that's where they fucked up." I say. Luke chuckles.

"So true." He says. We sit there for a while, just watching the ducks and geese swim around. Something hits the bench from the back, so I turn and look. Oo, a football(soccer ball). I notice the 8 year olds awkwardly staring at us. I get up, and kick their ball back to them.

"Woah, you kicked that ball like a pro!" One of them exclaims.

"I used to play football." I say.

"Was it awesome?" Another asks.

"Yeah, it was fun." I say.

"Why don't you play anymore then?" A third asks.

"I'm in a band now, I don't have time." I say.

"You're in a band?! That's even cooler! What's your band called?!" The first exclaims.

"5 Seconds of Summer, we're on YouTube." I say.

"Cool!" They exclaim. They go back to their game, and I sit back down.

"Advertise much?" Luke asks me.

"Shut up, they asked." I say. 

"Ok, ok." He says.

"Today is going much better since you punched her in the head, right?" I ask him.

"Loads." He says.

"Well then why aren't you smiling?" I ask him.

"Because it's not that good yet." He says.

"You are such a downer." I say.

"Yup." He says.

"Lets get some ice cream." I say.

"Ice cream? Really?" Luke asks.

"Yes really." I say.

"Fine." He says. I get up, and pull him up.

"Stop being a downer." I poke his cheek.

"No." He says. I poke him in the side and he squirms.

"Stop being a downer." I repeat.

"No." He says again. I poke him again, and a grin breaks out on his face.

"Stop it." I say.

"Make me." He grins. I poke him again and he laughs.

"Ok, ok." He says.

"Yeah, I thought so, now come on." I say. I grab his hand, and we start walking to a nearby ice cream shop. We look both ways before crossing the street. But that didn't stop Jai from trying to run us down. If Luke hadn't pulled me back I'd be flattened.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I say, stumbling further back.

"I'm gonna murder that asshole." Luke says. He turns the corner, and disappears. 

"Come on, let's go before he doubles back or something." I say. We run across the street and into the ice cream shop.

"Seriously, I'm gonna kill him." Luke says to me.

"Not until it's legal." I say. We go get some ice cream, that I pay for, and go sit at a table.

"If he hits one of us or both of us I'm gonna flat out murder him." Luke says.

"We won't get hit by him." I say.

"I hope so." Luke says.

"We need to post on YouTube again soon." I say to Luke.

"Yeah, Michael said he was working on a song, maybe we can record that." Luke says.

"Good idea." I say.

"I think I am gonna do something with my hair." Luke says.

"Really?" I ask him.

"Yeah." He nods. 

"We can head out tomorrow if you want." I say.

"Sure." Luke nods. 

"Oh, have I told you about my fail attempt at skateboarding last week?" I ask.

"Oh god, no you haven't." Luke grins.

"Well, I got on, got it moving, and it flew out from under me and I face planted the ground. And it only moved an inch or two." I grin. Luke laughs.

"That is so pitiful Cal, I'll teach you how, ok?" He grins at me.

"Yes please." I giggle. 

"I'm done, lets attempt crossing the street again." Luke says. 

"Yeah, ok." I nod. We get up and throw out our trash. We step out of the shop, and stare down both directions of the street for a while.

"I don't see anything my way." I say.

"I don't think I see anything." Luke says. I look in his direction, and way off in the distance a car is pulled over to the side.

"I don't trust that car." I say.

"Me neither." Luke says. It pulls onto the road and starts driving towards us. It stops at a red light too far from us to see who it is.

"Go, go." I say. Luke and I make a run across the road, and of course that car was a distraction for Jai to come up on the other side when we weren't looking. And fuck does getting hit by a car hurt. As soon as I heard the rev of the engine I shoved Luke to the sidewalk. Now I'm laying on the ground in such immense pain my voice broke. What hurts even more is when my arm gets run over with the front and back tires as Jai speeds off. How could I be so stupid and not check my side again?

***


	10. Chapter Nine: That's a lot of blood

Chapter Nine

***

LUKE POV

**4:30pm, March 9th**

I have never been so pissed off in my entire life. I have never planned out such a gruesome death for someone. But you hurt Calum, and now you're gonna fucking die if it's the last thing I do. It'll have to wait though, for now.

"Cal! What hurts? Don't say everything." I run over and kneel next to him in the middle of the road.

"My body." He manages out. I pull out my phone and call for an ambulance.

"What is your emergency?" The person picks up. 

"My boyfriend just got run down by one of our classmates!" I basically shout into the phone. I'm trying not to freak out, a little.

"What is your location?" They ask.

"We're in front of Zeke's Ice Cream." I say.

"An ambulance is on it's way, do you know who hit him?" They ask.

"Jai Mavern." I say.

"Is he ok?! We saw the car!" The kids from the park run over. People from inside the ice cream shop soon come over too. Jesus Christ.

"The police are out looking for Mr. Mavern, just sit tight until the ambulance arrives." The person says. I hang up, and pocket my phone.

"Cal you're gonna be ok." I say to him. An ambulance comes flying towards us, and stops right in front of us. A cop car pulls up behind them, and I know I'll have to stay and talk to the cops. I stand up and step back when the paramedics come over to do their thing.

"His arm got run over after he got hit." I say. One of them moves to his arm while another gets an IV going.

"Did you see who was in the car?" I ask the kids.

"Yeah, it was my brothers friend Jai." One of the boys says. The other two nod.

"We saw everything from inside too." A couple says.

"Folks come over here so I can fill out a report." A policeman says. Oh my god, Cal's arms. His mum is gonna see the scars. We go over to the cop.

"Hey, boy, he said to give these to you." A paramedic comes over. He hands me Calum's car keys, and I know what Calum means. I'm gonna grab his concealer and cover up the cuts before his mum can see them. I take the keys, and the paramedics load him into the ambulance and drive off.

"If you want to head to the hospital we can get a report from you after." The cop says to me.

"Yes, thank you." I say.

"You're welcome, drive safe." He says to me. 

I run off back to my house a few blocks away. I get into Cal's car, and drive to his house. Luckily his mum isn't here. I jump out of the car, run in, and grab Cal's concealer. I grab the one that matches my skin too because I know how Joy is. I run back to Cal's car, and speed off to the hospital. Jesus Christ. It takes far too long to get there, and once I find a spot I apply concealer to my arms. I grab Cal's and run into the emergency section of the hospital.

"Can I help you?" A nurse asks when I go over to the desk.

"Calum Hood, where is he?" I ask.

"Are you family?" She asks.

"I'm his boyfriend." I say.

"Well he's currently being checked out by a doctor, I'll get you once people are allowed in." She says. Urg. I go sit down in a flimsy plastic chair while I wait. Please let me in before Joy gets here. I'm waiting for a really long ten minutes and each second I get more anxious. God, please don't show up yet Joy. 

"You can see him, room six." A nurse comes over to me.

"Thank you." I say. I head off to room six, and walk in where Cal is laid in a hospital bed.

"Please tell me you brought my concealer. I already got the doctor not to tell my mum." Cal says to me.

"Yeah, I got it." I say. He's got a cast on one arm, which makes my job easier. I go over to his other arm and apply concealer over the scars. Once they are well hidden, I pocket the bottle.

"You didn't murder anyone, right?" Cal asks me.

"Not yet." I say.

"Good, I don't wanna miss it." He says. We both grin at each other.

"Are you ok though? Other than your arm obviously." I ask him. 

"I have a few bruised ribs and my whole abdomen is bruised even worse now." He says.

"Is that it?" I ask.

"I also have a broken rib and punctured lung." Cal says. Explains his ragged breathing.

"I'm gonna murder him so hard." I say.

"If I can move tomorrow we are still getting your hair done." Cal says.

"No we aren't, that can wait." I say.

"If I can move your getting your hair done." Cal says sternly.

"Maybe I'll tie you down then." I say.

"No you won't." He says.

"Your mum won't let you go anywhere tomorrow anyway, I'd be surprised if she'd let you out of your bed." I say.

"Oh yeah, forgot about that." He says.

"How? This is Joy we're talking about." I say.

"Speaking of that, did you do your arms with yours?" Cal asks me.

"Yeah, I know how your mum is." I say,

"Cal! Oh my god my baby boy!" Joy bursts in.

"Mum-" She shushes him by hugging him. Despite the pain medicine you can see he wants to kill her for hugging him.

"He has bruised ribs, a broken rib, and a puncture lung." I say. She lets him go immediately.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She says to him. She then turns to me and pulls me into a hug.

"I'm glad you're ok." She says to me. Just please let me go, I don't like people or hugs, unless they are from Cal. She lets me go, and turns back to Cal.

"Oh, your arm!" She exclaims. Cal is so annoyed right now. 

"Behind you." Cal says to me. I turn just in time to be hugged by my mum. Ugh...

"I'm so glad you're ok." My mum says to me.

"Yeah, well Cal isn't." I say, pushing her off. Jesus, stop freaking touching me. My mum turns to Cal, and her and Joy start going on about how sorry they are. Cal is staring past them at me, basically telling me to stop acting like such a downer. You got hit by a car Cal, piss off. I'll be downer if I want to.

"Which of you is Mrs. Hood?" A doctor walks in. Joy shoots her hand up, and goes over to the doctor. Liz follows, and I go stand next to Cal's bed.

"Maybe I can convince my mum to let me skip school now." I say to Cal.

"If she lets you back into that school after this then it'll be a miracle." Cal says.

"Miracles never happen for me, I'm safe." I say.

"Good point, yeah you're safe." Calum nods.

"So is your arm like completely broken?" I ask.

"No, just a minor fracture, this should be off in, like, four days. The cast thing wrapped around my ribs has to stay on for a week and a half." Cal says to me.

"Do you have a concussion?" I ask.

"No. I didn't hit my head and I passed their stupid test." He says.

"That's good, concussions are pains in the ass." I say.

"Yeah, I know." He says.

"Ok Calum, you can head home. Don't try to move too much if you don't have to." The doctor says to Calum.

"Fine." Calum says. A nurse comes in with a wheelchair, and I can tell how much more annoyed that makes him. She helps him into the wheelchair, and we all head to the exit. Joy went ahead and got her car.

"I'll see you at your house." I say to Cal.

"Yeah." Cal says to me.

"Be safe honey." My mum says to me.

"Yeah yeah mum." I say. I go get in Calum's car, and follow behind Joy to their house. I need to get this shit off my arms, get my blade back from Cal by any means necessary, and fucking put some gashes in my arms before I slit someones throat. I park in Cal's driveway next to his mum, and get out to help.

"Joy, here let me." I say. She steps aside, and I help Calum stand up. He puts an arm around the back of my neck, and I wrap an arm around his back. I start helping him inside, and after a few steps he's basically hanging off of me.

"Ok, ok, hold on, stand still." I say. I move his arm off of me, and carefully pick him up bridal style. He's still heavy as fuck for a skinny bitch like me, but this is easier. I carry him to his room, and carefully lay him on his bed. I take my blade out of his pocket, and put it in one of mine.

"Luke." Cal says. I shake my head.

"Do you two want anything to eat?" Joy asks from the doorway.

"I'm good." I say.

"Just, like, a pb&j or something." Cal says. His mum leaves, and I wait for Cal to continue.

"Give it back." Cal says.

"No." I say.

"You said no matter what." Cal says.

"Yeah, but that was before you got hit by a car." I say.

"Speaking of that, did you give the cops a statement?" Cal asks me.

"Yeah, I did while I was waiting." I say. It went past in kind of a blur because I was so worried and freaking out.

"Ok, now give it back." He says.

"No." I say.

"Luke, you said no matter what." Cal says.

"Well forget I said it then." I say.

"Please give it back, for me?" He asks.

"No." I say bluntly.

"What a nice boyfriend you are." Cal mutters.

"Cal, I don't want to fight with you especially with that as the topic." I say.

"Just give it back then." Cal says.

"Just let it go Cal, I'm not giving it back." I say.

"Here honey." Joy walks in with a paper plate with Cal's sandwich on it. He takes it, and she leaves.

"Luke, I gave you my word." Cal says.

"You getting hit by a car rules out your word." I say. He glares at me, and I know he's both mad and upset with me.

"I have to go wash this shit off." I mumble. I go to walk away, but he grabs my wrist. Well, actually he hit my arm with his cast which made me stop and let him grab me.

"Luke, please." Cal says.

"Cal, I'd rather have these permanently on my body than murder on my permanent record." I say to Cal, pointing to my sleeved arm. Cal lets me go with a shake of his head. I walk into his bathroom, and lock the door behind me. I put the concealers back where they were hidden, and then wash off my forearms. 

Who does he think he is by trying to tell me what to do? I'm my own person. These are my arms and my blade. I can do with them as I please. I pull my blade out, and cut deep into the flesh on my left forearm. Oh my god that feels so good after today. Definitely just what I needed. I look down at my arm, and nearly freak out. 

That is a lot of blood. I've seen more though, much more. I rinse out the cut, and it stings a bit because it's far deeper than any of the others. I have a really bad idea. I keep my bleeding arm over the sink, and look through the cabinet below. I've done this before, but never with a cut this deep. 

I pull out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and wince at the thought of it. I pop the cap off, and grab the bottle. Dear lord. I pour the contents over my cut, and it stings like nothing every has before. I think I burst my lip because I bit it so hard. I put the bottle down and cradle my arm. Owie... I hug my arm to my chest as the alcohol stings it. I put my arm back under the water, and let out a breath of relief. Thank god that's over. 

I put the rubbing alcohol back, and dry off my arm. I bandage my arm really well, knowing fully well a cut this deep is bound to bleed for a bit. I clean off my blade, and then stare at my right arm. Both arms like this at the same time? Risky... But hell yes. I repeat the same steps again on my right arm, alcohol included, and I've never felt so great in my life.

I clean up my mess, and get rid of any evidence I was there. Those were about a quarter of an inch from being full blown attempts. I was playing with fire there, but I was determined not to get burned. Once everything is spotless, I put my blade back in my pocket. I push my sleeves down. Cal is probably freaking out because I have been in here forever. I inspect my lip real quick, and decide it's fine. I need to put a new lip ring in so my lip doesn't heal over the hole. I unlock the door, and step out of the bathroom.

"You just about gave me a heart attack if you had been in there any longer." Cal says to me.

"I was busy." I shrug.

"Which arm, show me." He demands. I roll up one sleeve and then the other and he groans.

"Both, I mean, after the first arm how could I resist?" I say.

"How many per arm?" He asks.

"Just one, deepest cuts I've ever done though." I say. He shakes his head.

"Mikey and Ash are coming over." Cal says.

"Ok." I say. I go sit on his desk chair, and we kinda just awkwardly look at each other.

"Now will you give me your blade?" Cal asks me. I let out an annoyed breath, and pull out my blade. I hold it out for him and let him take it.

"If I had been hit by a car you would've needed to cut too." I say. He pockets my blade without another word. We sit in an awkward silence for a bit, and after ten minutes Michael and Ashton show up.

"Fuck man, are you alright?" Michael asks Cal.

"Fractured arm, broken rib, bruised ribs, and a punctured lung." Calum lists off.

"Shit, that's horrible." Michael says.

"Yeah, you know who it was?" I ask.

"Who?" Ashton asks.

"Jai." I say. They stare at me, not believing me.

"Jai? Like, from school Jai?" Michael asks.

"Michael, I don't have a life, he's the only Jai I know." I say.

"I'm gonna kick that motherfuckers ass." Michael says.

"Don't." Cal says.

"Why not?" Michael asks.

"Because I wanna see Luke go ape shit on his ass." Cal grins.

"Plus side to today is that I totally punched Aliyah in the face." I smirk.

"Nice man." Ashton says.

"It felt amazing right? It had to have." Michael says.

"It definitely felt amazing." I say. 

"Boys? I hate to ask you to leave since you just got here but Cal needs to rest." Joy comes in.

"Mum, are you kidding me right now?" Cal asks her.

"You need to rest." She says to him.

"I got hit by a car and you won't let me see my only friends." Cal says.

"You can see them tomorrow." She says.

"Cal, just give up, we'll come back tomorrow." Ashton says.

"Fine, see you tomorrow." Cal says. Those two walk out and Joy turns to me. Fuck no. No way in hell am I going home. I'll sleep in Cal's car before going home.

"Mum, don't you dare, my friends are one thing, my boyfriend is in another category." Calum says to Joy.

"The doctor said you need to rest as much as possible." Joy says.

"And I rest best with Luke by my side." Cal says.

"Cal, I'm sorry hun, he has to go home." Joy says.

"Mum, I will get up from this bed, I swear to god." Cal threatens.

"No you won't. Luke you can come back first thing in the morning." Joy says to me. She's kidding right? Please tell me she's kidding.

"Mum, I will not let you kick out my boyfriend." Cal says.

"Cal, you need to rest." She says to him. Cal doesn't want me to go home and be alone because those are dangerous times especially after all this.

"I can rest perfectly fine with him here." Cal says.

"Sorry Cal. Luke I'll drive you home." Joy says. What the actual fuck.

"I refuse to sleep if he goes home." Calum says. Oh god, he's gonna turn into an unruly child.

"Calum." Joy says sternly.

"I'm serious." Cal says.

"Joy, I won't keep him up, I'll make sure he gets plenty of rest. What if he has to, like, pee in the middle of the night and can't get up on his own? I'm pretty sure he doesn't want you helping him to piss." I say. Cal glares at me for using that possibility.

"Yeah mum." Cal says. She sighs, and I know we've won. We won using a handicap piss card. Dear lord what have we come to?

***


	11. Chapter Ten: No matter what

Chapter Ten

***

LUKE POV

**10am, March 10th**

I wake up to Calum whimpering in pain. Not how one would want their Sunday to start. I push myself up, and study Calum. He's fast asleep, but whimpering in pain. That's even worse than being awake and in pain. I get out of the bed, and head over to where Joy set the medicine. I get one of the pain pills, and then grab a bottle of water. I walk over to Calum, knowing I have to wake him up.

"Cal, hey, wake up." I say to Cal. He doesn't even twitch at that. I don't want to touch him because I'm afraid I'll hurt him.

"Cal, baby, wake up." I very lightly touch Cal's shoulder. His body jerks in pain, making me feel so bad.

"Baby, come on." I say. He finally starts waking up, but is a bit dazed and confused when he opens his eyes.

"Hey, here, take this and drink it down." I force his hand open and place the pill in it.

"What? Why?" Calum asks me.

"Because you were crying in your sleep from the pain." I say. He blushes from embarrassment. He slowly moves the pill to his mouth, and I hold the water for him. I help him tilt some water into his mouth, and then put the bottle back. I go back and lay down next to him. I pick up his arm, and just pick at his cast for a bit.

"How are you supposed to do anything with a cast on your right arm?" I ask. He doesn't answer me, so I look over at him. Oh, he fell asleep. I wish he wouldn't leave me awake and alone. Despite those amazing cuts yesterday I'm still really pissed off. That means I'm really fucking depressed too. And this fucker fell back to sleep.

"Call, don't leave me awake by myself." I mumble quietly, hoping he will somehow hear me and wake up. Holy fucking shit god loves me today.

"Hm, what?" Calum wakes up and asks me.

"Nothing." I say. He just gives me a look.

"I heard you." He says.

"Good." I say. He wraps his casted arm around me, and pulls me snuggly into his side. I cuddle as close as I can, and bury my face in his side.

"Life hates me." I state.

"If life hated you, why would it give you me?" Calum asks me.

"So it can nearly kill you to hurt me more." I say. I feel him roll his eyes.

"You make a lot of sense but I will not give you that." Calum says.

"You're an idiot Cal." I say.

"I try." He responds. I snort with laughter.

"Something funny?" He asks me.

"Yeah, you try to be an idiot?" I ask him. He stops and realizes that is what he said.

"Well apparently I don't." He laughs. I laugh too, and am really glad he's a moron. 

"Hey, go change your bandages." Cal says as if he just remembered.

"You suck." I say. 

"The only thing I suck is-"

"Please don't." I cover my face with my hands.

"-you." He finishes his sentence. I groan. He laughs at me.

"Go on." He says to me. I get up, and glare at him as I head to his bathroom. I lock the door behind me, and go over to the sink. If he could move he'd do this for me. I push up my sleeves, and peel the bandages off. I throw the bandages away, and then rinse my arms.

"Fuck." I curse, forcing my arm to stay under the water. I dry my arms off, and then push my sleeves down. They aren't bleeding so they don't need to be bandaged again. I clean up, and head out of the bathroom. 

"I'm guessing you didn't notice I slipped your blade into your pocket." Calum says. The moment he says that I feel my blade burning in my pocket.

"Cal, what the fuck, I said not to give it to me." I say, pulling it out of my pocket.

"You didn't notice until I told you." Cal shrugs.

"I'd throw it at you if you weren't already crippled." I say, dropping it into his open hand.

"Me being crippled shouldn't change your reaction." Cal then gives me the blade back. I take a few steps back and throw it at him. He blocks his face and it bounces off his arms. I go lay back down, and he wraps an arm around me. Thank god he put my blade away.

"Your cast is a pain in the ass." I say, moving my head to his cast free shoulder.

"Which one?" He asks.

"Both." I say. He shrugs.

"Nothing I can do about it." He says.

"I know." I say. He turns his head and kisses my forehead. He's being cute again. 

"So, how are you feeling today?" He asks me. 

"Really?" I ask.

"Yes really, we're doing this, now tell me." He says.

"I want to murder Jai, I want to murder my arms, and I want to murder everyone else I know other than you and the lads." I say.

"That's wonderful, what about your mum?" Cal asks.

"Nope, she's going too." I say.

"Well, please don't murder anyone, or yourself. I don't want to lose you because of something stupid." He says.

"You got hit by a car." I remind him.

"Yeah, but I'll recover." He says. I roll my eyes. 

"I should've gotten hit by that cat not you." I say. I would've probably enjoyed it to be honest.

"I'll never let you get hit by a car." Calum says to me.

"I know." I say. He rubs my arm, making me feel warm inside. 

"Morning boys." Joy opens the door.

"Morning mum." Cal says to her.

"Morning Joy." I say.

"Cal have you taken your medicine yet?" Joy asks.

"Yeah, Luke got it for me." Cal says.

"See, I'm fully capable of taking are of him." I stick my tongue out at Joy.

"You say while sticking your tongue out like a child." Cal grins at me. Joy grins.

"Well Michael and Ashton are here, I wanted to make sure you were awake." Joy says.

"I know I sleep late every day mum, but it's nearly noon." Cal says.

"Ok, but you were sent to the hospital yesterday." Joy says.

"Just send them in." Cal says. Joy walks away and a few moments later Michael and Ashton come in.

"Well look at you two cuddled up here all cute and shit." Michael says.

"You're jealous." I stick my tongue out.

"Yeah, totally." Michael rolls his eyes.

"So, when does that cast come off?" Ashton asks, pointing to the one on his arm. His arm which is around me. Cal lifts his arm up a bit to show the cast better.

"Thursday morning." He says, putting his arm back down.

"What about your chest and all that?" Michael asks.

"The cast for my ribs will come off next Saturday. It'll be fully healed in two weeks though." Cal says. 

"That's good. Oh, hey I've got a new song written." Michael says, pulling out his phone.

"Cool, let me see." I say, holding my hand out for his phone. He hands it over, and I move it so Cal can see it. We slowly read it, trying to get the feel for it.

"This is really good." I say, scrolling down a bit.

"It doesn't have a title." Calum points out.

"I figured the cripple could name it." Michael shrugs. Cal and I look at it for a while more, and three words really seem to stick out. 

"Got any ideas?" Cal asks me.

"Yeah, End Up Here." I say. Cal looks back at the song and starts nodding.

"Yeah, yeah that's good." He says.

"I said the cripple, not the cripple's boyfriend." Michael grins.

"It's End Up Here." Calum says, taking the phone and typing in the title. I hand the phone back to Michael who locks it and pockets it.

"Oh, Cal, have you heard Ms. Nelson's latest catch fraise?" Michael asks Calum. I was thinking it too.

"No." Cal says in a duh tone.

"Lock it and pocket." Michael and I both say.

"Wow, she is so clever." Calum says sarcastically.

"I'd say I'm the odd one out here but Cal never goes to school so not really." Ashton grins. Cal sticks his tongue out.

"But I know who they're talking about and you don't." Calum says.

"Eh. I can imagine." Ashton shrugs.

"It's almost twelve thirty." Michael says to Ashton.

"Oh, shit." Ashton says.

"Work?" I ask Ash.

"Yeah, and I'm Mikey's ride, see you tomorrow." Ashton says.

"Luke can give you a ride Mikey." Cal says.

"He doesn't have his license." Michael says.

"Ok, but he's driven to your house before." Calum says.

"I'll just catch a ride with Ash, see ya tomorrow, well, after school." Michael says.

"Ok." We say. They leave, and a peaceful silence creeps in.

"Hey babe? Have you thought about when you want to, um, you know, try some stuff?" Cal asks me. All I heard was him call me babe because holy fuck that is so cute. Wait... Stuff? Like, stuff stuff? 

"Like sex?" I ask.

"Yeah." Cal says.

"Um, not really." I say. I don't want to lose my virginity at fifteen, I want to lose it at sixteen. But that's months away. Who knows if I'll even be alive by then. I don't want to die a virgin.

"How about now?" Cal asks.

"Now yeah." I say.

"Do you want to, like, try after I'm all healed up in a couple weeks?" Calum asks me.

"Yeah." I say. He smiles brightly at me, and hugs me tightly. He holds me closely like this for a while, and I just let him do his thing. 

"Baby?" Cal asks. My heart skips a beat, and I can't stop the smile that breaks out on my face.

"What?" I ask.

"Can you get me something to eat?" He asks.

"Sure." I say.

"Thanks penguin." He kisses my cheek. He is the best person ever. I get up, and lean down to kiss his forehead.

"Do you need any aspirin?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah." He says.

"Ok, be right back." I say. I leave his room, and head towards the kitchen.

"Hi Luke." Joy smiles at me from behind her coffee mug where she's sat at the kitchen table.

"Hi Joy." I say back.

"Do you need anything?" She asks.

"Cal said he's hungry." I say.

"Ok, I can make him a quick sandwich, I'll bring it up, go on back hun." Joy says.

"Oh you don't have to Joy." I say.

"I insist." She says.

"Well ok." I shrug. I grab a bottle of aspirin and head back to Cal's room.

"Your mum wouldn't let me make you anything." I say.

"Let me guess, she insisted." Cal says.

"Yup. Here take these." I hand him a couple aspirin. I hand him a water bottle, and he swallows the pills. 

"Come lay back down." Cal says. I round to the other side, and lay down. He wraps his casted arm around us, and he then pulls me as close as possible. I carefully wrap my arms around his chest, and hug him from a sideways way.

"Such a cutie." Cal says to me, kissing my cheek. I blush, and hide my face.

"Hey, no hiding." He uses his other hand to lift my face. I catch his stare, and we just sit there looking into each others eyes for a few minutes. I hope he can see how war torn I am inside.

"Here boys." Joy comes in with two plates. 

"Thanks mum." Cal smiles at her, taking his plate.

"Thanks Joy." I say, taking my own.

"I've got to head out to do some shopping, I'll be back in half an hour, please behave." Joy says to us.

"Come on mum, we're sixteen-"

"You're sixteen, he is only fifteen and a half." Joy cuts him off.

"I rounded up." Cal says. Joy rolls her eyes.

"Just don't get hurt." She says. She leaves, and I grin at Cal.

"You rounded me up? That means you rounded you down." I say.

"I know." He says. 

"Do you want me to help you sit up?" I ask him.

"If you can." Cal says. I set my plate on the side table. Once Cal has moved his plate I help him sit up.

"There ya go." I say, carefully letting him go. 

"Thanks." He says. I see him look over at his sandwich, and chuckle. I reach over him and get him his plate.

"Thanks again." He says.

"You can stop thanking me or else you're gonna be thanking me every twenty minutes." I say.

"Fine." He grins. I grab my plate, and we both eat our food in a peaceful silence. My phone starts going off, so I reach over and grab it.

"Who is it?" Cal asks me.

"I don't know." I say. I answer the phone and put it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I say.

"Is this Luke Hemmings?" Someone asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"This is officer Keaton, do you know where Calum Hood is?" They asks.

"Yeah, I'm with him at his house." I say.

"Is it ok if we send down a couple officers to question him about the accident?" Officer Keaton asks.

"Let me ask him." I say

"What?" Cal asks me.

"It's a police officer, he wants to know if he can send a couple officers over to question you." I say to him.

"Sure, I'll text my mum to let her know." Cal says.

"He says you can send them over." I say to the officer.

"Ok, thank you, they'll be there in ten minutes." The officer says. I hang up my phone and set it down.

"Can you go get me an Arizona please?" Calum asks me.

"Can I have one?" I ask.

"Yeah, grab me a green tea." Cal says. 

"Okie dokie." I say, getting up. 

"We're punk, we do not say okie dokie." Cal says.

"Oopsie daisy." I grin, walking out. 

"We're punk!" Cal yells. I laugh as I walk to the kitchen. I grab him a can of green tea, and get myself raspberry. I head back, and give Cal his drink.

"You're not supposed to be adorable and punk at the same time." Cal says to me, shaking his tea.

"I do what I want." I stick my tongue out. The doorbell goes off, so I go to answer it.

"Are you the officers here to question Calum?" I ask to the cops in the doorway.

"Yes, that's us." One says.

"Well follow me he's in his room." I say. I lead them inside and to Calum's room.

"Do you mind staying out here while we talk to him?" The second officer asks me.

"No problem." I shrug. They go in to talk to Cal, and I go sit in the living room. I suddenly feel my blade in my pocket again and my arms burn so bad. I pull my blade out of my pocket and just stare at it. Not yet, not yet. I reluctantly put it away, and wait to be called.

"Ok, we're finished here." The officers exit Calum's room. They just leave, and I go to see Calum. 

"What'd they ask you'" I ask.

"Just stuff about Jai." Cal shrugs. 

"Oh, ok." I shrug. 

"Can you get my laptop for me?" Cal asks me.

"Yeah, here." I say, grabbing it and handing it to him. 

"Thanks, I'm gonna put on a movie, come here." He pats the bed.

"Yeah hold on I gotta pee." I say.

"Well hurry up." He says. I head into his bathroom, and lock the door behind me. He heard the door lock.

"Luke, unlock that door right now." He says loud enough for me to hear. I unlock the door. He's crippled though, so he can't really move. I pull my blade out of my pocket, and push the sleeve up on my right arm. Don't do it Luke, come on.

"Luke?" Cal questions. Luke stop moving your hand. Even I can't tell myself no. The blade pierces through my skin, and slides through my flesh. The chill of the blade makes me shiver, and it makes me fuck up my cut. I drop my blade in the sink and stare at my arm ooze blood. I turn the water on and put my arm under.

"Luke?" Cal asks again. I ignore him and continue cleaning my arm. A tear rolls down my face and lands in my cut.

"Son of a fucking whore." I curse, rinsing my arm again.

"Luke? Open the door." Cal says. I dry off my arm and start bandaging it. I grab my blade and clean that off after. I wipe the tears off my face, but more take their place. I push my sleeve down, and open the door.

"Stop trying to get up." I say to Calum.

"Are you ok?" He asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fucking fantastic." I say, dropping my blade on his chest. Cal stares at it, and then looks at me.

"Babe, I'm so sorry, I thought you were strong enough-"

"Well you were wrong." I say.

"Baby come here." Cal says. 

"No, I'm going home." I say.

"What? Luke-" 

"You clearly aren't capable of keeping that away from me, so I'm going home." I say. I grab my phone and wallet.

"Penguin stop." Cal says. I stop at the door, and wait for whatever he has to say.

"I'm not sorry for believing in you, I'm sorry for breaking my promise. Please don't leave." Cal says.

"I said no matter what." I say. I walk out, and start the walk home. Tears continue to fall down my face.

***


	12. Chapter Eleven: He did a thing?!?!

Chapter Eleven

***

LUKE POV

**5pm, March 10th**

"Hi hun, I'm surprised you aren't at Calum's." My mum says to me when she finds me in my room.

"We got in an argument." I mumble.

"About what?" My mum asks.

"Nothing." I say.

"Come on Luke. I'm your mother, you can tell me anything." Mum says to me.

"A couple police officers came by to question Cal, and then after I said he shouldn't have pushed me out of the way." I say, coming up with a reasonable story.

"Oh ok. I see what happened. Just try to forget about it." Mum says. She walks out, leaving me alone again. Alone with my dark thoughts. My phone starts ringing for the thousandth time today, and I smack the ignore button. There's a knock on my door, so I look over at it.

"Hey." Michael says to me

"If Cal sent you then I'm not talking to you." I say.

"Cal did ask me to check on you, so I guess I'll just stand here and stare at you awkwardly." Michael says. I roll my eyes at him.

"What happened?" Michael asks me.

"We got in an argument." I say,

"Yeah, I picked up on that." Michael says, entering my room now. 

"It doesn't matter, I probably overreacted anyways." I say.

"Well what was your argument about?" Michael asks, now sitting next to me.

"I told him he shouldn't have pushed me out of the way." I say.

"That's what you got in an argument over?" Michael asks.

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

"Because Calum said you hurt yourself and it was his fault and now you're mad at him." Michael says. Calum said what, excuse me? Due to my reaction Michael knows he caught me lying. 

"Now what really happened?" Michael asks.

"Michael, I don't talk about this stuff, ok?" I say.

"Luke, how did you hurt yourself?" Michael asks me, not budging at all.

"I didn't-"

"Luke." Michael says sternly. I sigh.

"What the fuck Cal." I mutter to myself.

"How did you hurt yourself?" Michael asks.

"Where's my mum?" I ask.

"She went to see Cal." Michael says.

"You're sure?" I ask.

"Yes." Michael says. I reluctantly push my right sleeve up.

"There, that's how I hurt myself, ok?" I say. Michael doesn't say anything and just stares at my arm. Calum, we are so done this time.

"Cal cuts too then." Michael finally says.

"What? Why would you assume that?" I ask, pushing my sleeve back down.

"Because of the way he texted me, hold on I'll read it." Michael says, pulling out his phone.

"Ok. He texted, Mikey can you go to Luke's house and check on him? I fucked up really bad and he hurt himself because I let him have a thing and he told me not to give him the thing. Mikey go check on him, tell him I did a thing too." Michael reads off the text.

"Cal did what?!" I exclaim.

"He did the thing too." Michael points to my arm.

"How?! He's bedridden!" I shout.

"Shush! Christ sakes. We can head over there, I borrowed my mums car." Michael says.

"Yes lets go." I say. 

"I thought you were mad at him?" Michael asks me.

"I am, and I'd break up with him if I didn't like him so goddamn much. Move." I say. We head out, and we get in Michael's car. Well, his mum's car.

"You say that a lot." Michael says while we drive.

"I've said it twice." I say.

"Still more than you should." Michael says. 

"Michael I'm not in the mood to be scolded by you, I want to see my dumbass boyfriend." I say.

"Ok, ok." Michael says. We get to Cal's house, and I pass my mum as we go in.

"Are you gonna be home for dinner?" She stops me to ask me. I. Want. To. See. My. Dumbass. Boyfriend.

"No." I say.

"Ok. And don't go to school tomorrow, not until this is all settled with the law." She says.

"I wasn't going to anyways." I say. She gives me a disapproving look. She then leaves to head back home.

"I'll chill with Joy." Michael says to me. 

"Fine." I say. I walk down the hall to Calum's room, where he is asleep in his bed.

"Are you asleep?" I ask, knowing better than to believe that. His eyes shoot open and he sits up so fast I go push him back down.

"Calm down, you're gonna hurt yourself." I say. I grab his non-casted arm, and push the sleeve up.

"How did you do a thing while in your bed?" I ask, pointing to the fresh cut in his arm.

"I didn't, I went into the bathroom. it took ten minutes getting there and back but I did it." Calum says. I pull his sleeve back down and let his arm go.

"How the fuck could you tell Michael like that?" I ask.

"Because I was freaking out because I thought you were gonna kill yourself." Cal glares at me.

"You have my blade, and you know I'd never go out any other way." I say.

"Sorry for caring then." He says. I roll my eyes at him. 

"I gonna head back home then." I say. I know he'd wish I'd stay.

"Ok." He says sadly. Ok? What? No, not ok. 

"That's it?" I ask.

"Yeah." He says. What? That is not allowed. Calum what the fuck? I think I broke him. I round to the empty side of the bed, lay down, and hug him. Just let it go Luke, and forgive him and apologize. 

"I'm sorry Cal." I say to him. He pulls me onto his body, and hugs me ten times harder than I'm hugging him. He starts crying into my shoulder, making me feel so bad. 

"Baby, hey, no crying. Koala, no crying." I say to him. 

"Come on Cal, we're punk, we're not supposed to cry." I say.

"I'm gonna smack you." He sniffles.

"You will not." I say. This bitch is still crying. You made me say this Cal.

"If you wanted to be emo you could've just said so." I say. He smacks me in the back really hard, and pushes me to sit up.

"You did not just call me emo." Cal says.

"Well..." I trail off. He lightly smacks my cheek this time.

"We are punk, not fucking emo." He says to me.

"Then act like it." I stick my tongue out. 

"Fine, but get me some food first." He says.

"Really Cal?" I question.

"Yes, I want chips." He says.

"Fine." I say. I get off of him, and go to walk out.

"Wait hold on, come back." Cal says. I groan, but go back over to him. He pulls me to lean over and kisses me.

"Ok, now get me food." He pushes me back up.

"Fine, and so you know, I am still mad at you." I say to him.

"I know." He says.

"Good." I say. I walk out of his room, and head to the kitchen.

"Please tell me you two made up, I hate it when you fight." Joy says.

"Yeah, for the most part. He's hungry and said he wanted chips." I say. 

"Ok, that's good." Joy smiles. I grab a bag of chips.

"I'm gonna head home, my mum might kill me for borrowing her car without asking." Michael says.

"Oh, you just tell her you came to see Cal." Joy says to him. I walk back to Calum's room, and see him trying to get the remote for his tv. He doesn't know I'm there, so I just watch in amusement.

"Come on." I hear Cal say to himself. He catches the edge of the remote with his fingertips, and it falls to the ground. He groans and goes limp in defeat. He pulls himself back up, and then sees me in the doorway.

"Were you watching me try to get the remote?" He asks me. I grin and nod.

"You suck." He sticks out his bottom lip in a pout.

"Yeah, so hard." I wink at him. He fakes gags. I laugh and grab the remote off the floor. 

"Here babe." I say, handing him the remote and the chips. I go lay down next to him, and he wraps an arm around me. 

"Being extremely cute will not help your case." I say to him. He pouts at me.

"Much." I add. He grins and kisses my cheek. Why does this motherfucker have to be so darn cute? He switches the tv on, and Mean Girls 2 is on.

"Don't change it!" I grab the remote from him. Michael loves Mean Girls, but I'm all about the second one.

"Ugh really? This is as far from punk as it gets." Cal says.

"How? The whole thing is about not being cool and having punk friends." I say. Cal shakes his head.

"If I let you watch it will you forgive me?" He asks.

"You're crippled, you can't even take the remote back, so we're watching it either way." I say.

"So no." Cal says.

"Correct." I say. He gives me really big puppy eyes and pouts at me. 

"Nope." I push his face away. Cal sadly eats his chips, making me grin.

"Can I have a chip?" I ask.

"Only if you forgive me." He says, not looking at me.

"If you give me some chips I'll think about it." I say. 

"Pshh, it's now or never." Cal says.

"Or I can just take them because you're crippled and can't stop me." I say, snatching the bag from him. He smacks me with his casted arm, and it actually really hurts.

"Ow! Jerk." I pout.

"Give them back or I'll do it again." He threatens me. I take a handful, and give the bag back. 

"All of them." Cal says. I take a chip and shove it in his mouth to shush him. 

"Luke." He says to me through the chip. 

"Cal, I forgave you earlier when you were being adorable, I just said I didn't." I grin at him.

"That's why you added much then." He says.

"Yup." I say

"Well, you can keep the chips then." He says.

"Well, I wasn't planning on giving them back anyways." I say. He pouts at me. I lean closer to him and kiss his cheek.

"You're in such a good mood and I love it." Cal whispers to me.

"Well, how could I not be when you're being the cutest person ever?" I ask. He uses his other arm, and brings my head closer to him. He captures my lips with his, holding my head still so I can't move. I kiss him for a couple seconds, and then push him back to where he was.

"What?" He asks.

"I don't want you hurting yourself." I say to him. He smiles at me, and I kinda half smile back. 

That's what they always are. Half smiles. I've never fully smiled since I was eleven. Cal doesn't even know that. I grew up too fast, both in height and mentality. I've always been ridiculously taller than everyone I know, other than my friends, but I was taller than them for a while too. Being tall, awkward, and openly gay is basically an invitation for bullies. It always has been. Being single and gay is easier than being in a relationship and gay. Once you're committed that's it. Actually, once you start flirting that's it. Cal and I have been flirting since we were twelve. Cal is bi though, so he was never sure if he wanted to date me. Until that day in February last year. I had thought I'd go out gay and a virgin. I mean, I'm still a virgin and gay now, but it's different with Cal. I've never dated anyone before until Cal. Cal makes everything better, but he makes everything else worse. The bullying is worse, my home life is worse for some reason, even my friendship with Mikey is worse because Michael used to like Calum. I'm pretty sure they even dated for a week or something before deciding it was too weird. That was when Cal really didn't know what he wanted. The moment he saw me on the floor in my own pool of blood helped him decide real quick. His decision has never changed either. 

"Penguin? Are you ok?" Cal asks me, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say. Cal and I made our own little dictionary where words like fine mean I want to die. That one actually specifically means that.

"Penguin, come on baby, you can talk to me." Cal says to me.

"I'm fine Cal." I say to him. He grabs my arm and pulls me as close as possible. 

"Penguin, you can trust me." Cal whispers to me. 

"I know Cal, this is just really personal to me." I say.

"Ok penguin." He says. He doesn't let me go like I thought he would. Instead he just hugs me a little closer. I nuzzle closer, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Come on Luke, grow up. He rubs my arm, trying to make me feel better. 

"Luke, I won't judge you." Cal says to me.

"I know." I say.

"I want you to talk to me when something's upsetting you." He says.

"I'm fine Cal, really, I just need a moment." I say.

"If you're sure baby." He says, kissing my forehead. I lay myself over him, and hug him tightly. Fuck his cast. He wraps his arms back around me. He soothingly rubs my back, making me feel better. He starts kissing my neck, making my stomach feel all weird in a good way.

***


	13. Chapter Twelve: Lets get our hair done!

Chapter Twelve

***

CALUM POV

**8am, March 11th**

"Stop moving Cal." Luke mumbles into me.

"My cast is itching though." I groan. He blindly moves his hand to find my other arm, and nearly smacks me in the face. He finds my arm and rubs a little bit. 

"Do you want to head out later and get your hair done?" I ask.

"You need to rest." He mumbles.

"Luke, I'm going to lose my mind if I just lay here all day again." I say.

"Fine." He says.

"I need to use the bathroom." I say.

"For what?" He asks.

"I have to pee, I promise." I say.

"Fine, I guess I'll help you." He yawns. He pushes himself up, and stretches. He climbs off my bed, and comes over to help me up.

"Do you want to take your meds first?" He asks me.

"Sure." I say. He helps me sit up, and goes to get my meds. I move my legs off my bed and wait. I take my pills when handed to me, and then he helps me up. He walks me into the bathroom, and waits while I pee. 

"Have fun last night?" I ask while washing my hands.

"Uh, yes." He blushes. Don't worry, we only intensely made out. 

"Good." I say.

"Uh, um, lets go, yeah? Give me your keys, I can drive." He says nervously. I chuckle, and hand him my keys.

"Don't crash." I say. He helps me out of my room, and out to the car. Thank god my mum had to work today. 

"Here, let me give you a hand." Luke says, helping me into the car. He rounds to the other side, and gets in to start the car.

"Hey." I say, putting a hand on his shoulder. He freezes where he is, and looks over at me.

"Chill out. You don't have to be so nervous." I say to him. He just stares at me for a while, and then nods and lets out a breath. He wants me, he just doesn't know how to ask. All we did was make out and I let him touch my dick last night.

"Um, where are we going?" He sheepishly asks.

"The mall of course." I say.

"Oh right." He says. His nervousness is so cute. I know he's trying to hide the fact his arms are driving him nuts, but he really can't. I know him too well.

"Can I cuddle one of your arms?" I ask while he drives us down my street. His eyes sweep over me for a second then back to the road.

"Uh..." He trails off. I scoot as close as I can, and then slowly pull his left arm to me. 

"I don't know if-"

"Luke, just calm down. Let me cuddle your arm while you drive." I say.

"Ok, ok." He says. He finally lets me have his arm, and I nuzzle up to it. I rub his forearm, which calms him down tremendously. 

"You knew." He states.

"Of course I knew." I say. I look up at him, and see tears streaming down his face. 

"Penguin, pull over." I say. He's being overwhelmed with emotions. He manages to pull the car over, and put it in park.

"Baby, come here, it's alright." I say to him, pulling him over into my chest. His voice breaks when he tries to say something, making him cry harder.

"Sh, it's ok. Breathe baby." I whisper to him. 

"I-I can't breathe." He stutters. I wrap my arms around his head, and hold it firmly against my chest. I hold him here for a while until he seems to be breathing normally.

"Better?" I ask quietly. He nods his head. I let go of him, and make him sit up and look at me.

"I can drive if you need a break. My arm is broken, not my legs." I say. He nods, and gets out before I can even blink. I get out, and he almost passes me in front of the car, but not before I can hug him.

"Deep breaths baby, you are ok." I say to him. He nods, but doesn't try moving because he knows I'm not done. I kiss his cheek, and nuzzle my face into him.

"Thanks." He says to me.

"Of course baby. Now, stop thinking about your arms and think about my gorgeous face." I say.

"Honestly thought you were gonna say dick instead of face." He states.

"Well you can think about that too if you'd like, I don't mind." I wink. He blushes, and escapes into the car. I get in the drivers seat, and pull back onto the road.

"I'd let you cuddle my arm but my other one is in a cast." I say to him, feeling him look at me.

"It's ok, I'd rather us not die." He says. 

"You mean me." I say.

"No, us. I told you I'd never go out any other way." He says. 

"Right, forgot, sorry." I say.

"It's fine." He says. How can I not let him cuddle my arm now?

"Here, cuddle my arm." I say, holding out my left arm.

"I thought you needed it to drive?" He asks. 

"Nah, I'm a pro." I grin. He grabs onto my arm, and cuddles super close. He is so adorable, I love it. I take my time driving to the mall, so Luke can collect himself and get his thoughts in order. I'm such a good boyfriend, I know.

"My arms are on fire Cal." He says quietly to me.

"I can rub your arms once I park." I say.

"Really?" He asks.

"Of course." I say. He kisses my arm, making my heart skip a beat. I wasn't prepared for that.

"Koala, how long are your casts on for?" Luke asks me. He figured out how to ask for me.

"You know they don't come off anytime soon." I say.

"Doesn't this one come off this week?" He taps my chest cast.

"Other way around, the one on my arm comes off Wednesday, my chest cast comes off the Wednesday after." I say. He groans.

"Why do you want my casts off so badly?" I ask with a grin.

"You know why I want them off." He says.

"No I don't, why do you want them off?" I ask.

"You're a dick, you know that?" He asks me. I laugh.

"Yeah, but that's why you like me." I say.

"Psh, who said I like you?" He asks jokingly.

"Well shit, I was sure your dick did last night." I smirk. I feel him turn bright red, making me laugh. After that it stays quiet until I park at the mall. 

"Hey penguin." I say, looking over at him.

"What?" He asks, lifting his head from my arm. I lean over and kiss his lips, catching him by surprise. He grabs my face and pulls me even closer. I unbuckle while kissing him, unable to get any closer.

"Ok, ok, that's enough." Luke pulls away, blushing madly.

"Getting excited?" I ask, moving my free hand to his thigh. He swallows, looking down at my hand.

"Yes." He says, biting his lip. I rub his thigh, making him inhale.

"Fine, I'll stop, but only because I said I'd rub your arms." I say, moving my hand. He holds his arms out for me, and I gently grab them. I rub my hands up and down his arms, watching him relax. 

"Tell me when you're good so we can head in." I say.

"Oh they stopped bothering me when you started kissing me, I just really like this." He says. I let his arms go and give him a look. He grins innocently at me, and I smack him lightly on the chest.

"Lets go. I get to have anything done to your hair now." I say.

"Uh, no." He says.

"Uh, yes." I say back.

"Just don't go nuts." He says.

"No promises." I grin. We get out of my car, which is actually pretty hard with this cast on my chest. I lock up the car, and Luke and I head into the mall.

"Do you know if Danae is working?" Luke asks me while we walk to the only hair salon we will go to.

"Yeah, I asked Michael if she was working this week because he went in last week to get his roots touched up." I say.

"Good, Danae is amazing." Luke says. We get to the salon, and enter.

"Hey Luke, hey Cal." Tyler smiles at us from the register. He's an old friend we met here ages ago. He's gay which is why we're friends. I mean, we are very different people.

"Hey Ty, how's it going?" I ask.

"It's going great. Luke, are you finally doing something with your hair this time? Because I can not handle this punk look you're trying to pull. It just doesn't fit you anymore." Tyler says to Luke.

"Hey, Ty, be nice, he is beautiful no matter what." I say.

"Hey now, I never said he wasn't hot." Tyler says.

"I said beautiful, but hot works too." I shrug.

"The answer to your question is yes. Cal finally convinced me to do something." Luke says, finally able to get a word in. I'm not gonna lie, Tyler and I are super best friends when we get together like this.

"Yas, up high Cal." Tyler holds his hand up. I high five him, earning an eye role from Luke. Tyler really brings out my gay side, he's just that type of person.

"Well, Danae is here you lucky munchkins, follow me." Tyler beams, twirling around and leading us to the back. 

"Oh, em, gee, my favorite little punks! Aw come here, let me hug you!" Danae squeals upon seeing us. She runs over and pulls us both into a hug.

"Hey Dae." Luke says to her. 

"Is it true? Are you getting your hair done?" She pushes me aside to force Luke to look at her.

"Yes. For some reason Cal gets to choose what it's gonna look like too." He says.

"Really? That means we get to pick, right Cal?" Tyler asks me.

"Well you are the experts." I say in a duh voice.

"Best day of my career ever." Tyler states.

"Cal... Why do I have the feeling this has been planned for a while?" Luke asks me.

"Because I asked them to close the day we showed up so they could squeal and go nuts." I grin.

"Cal, you suck." Luke says.

"I'm sure he does, right Cal?" Tyler asks me with a wink.

"Haha, not yet." I wink back.

"I want details when you do." Tyler points at me.

"Up to Luke." I say.

"Can we please just do my hair?" Luke asks.

"Well since you asked." Danae grins. She grabs him by the hands and drags him back to a station.

"Now you come with me and we are gonna catch up while she works her magic. I have been waiting for this day forever." Tyler loops his arm through mine and leads me to the little waiting area.

"Slow down Ty, sheesh." I chuckle.

"Ok, sorry, I am just so excited. Cal! What happened to your arm?!" Tyler finally notices.

"I got purposely run over." I say.

"Like, with a car? Who would dare hurt my precious CalPal?" Tyler asks.

"Jai would." I say.

"That little bastard. He did not." Tyler's jaw drops.

"He did." I say.

"Are you hurt anywhere else? Oh my poor Cal." Tyler says, hugging my neck.

"Yeah, I've got a punctured lung, a broken rib, and bruised ribs. So they put this on me." I say, lifting my shirt to show the cast.

"Oh my god that thing is so ugly. Oh! I'm sorry! It looks good on you! Oh who am I kidding, that thing is hideous." Tyler says.

"That's why it's under my clothes." I say.

"But what about when you go to the beach?! What are you supposed to do?!" Tyler exclaims.

"Ty, Luke and I hate the beach. You know that." I say.

"Oh yeah." He giggles at his stupidity.

"Hey Ty! Come check this out for a second!" Danae shouts to Tyler. He gets up, and skips off into the back.

"Oh my god that is so hot! I love it!" Tyler exclaims from the back. Ok, now I'm intrigued. Tyler runs out and yanks me up.

"You have got to see this." Tyler says. He drags me back there, and the moment my eyes land on Luke I fall in love with his hair. I also realize he seems to be internally freaking out. I wiggle free of Tyler, who somehow got an ass touch in, and go over to Luke. He looks up at me with really big really sad eyes.

"Hey, baby, it's ok. Your hair is amazing. I promise you this was a good idea." I whisper to him, hugging his head to my chest, and holding him closely.

"Cal it's terrible." He whispers back.

"No it's not. It's amazing. I know you can't flip your hair anymore like the dramatic person you are, but now you can be super hot and sassy." I grin into him.

"Why did I let you talk me into this?" He asks.

"Because I'm irresistible." I say.

"Does it actually look hot?" He asks me.

"Well unless Ty lied which would go against his little angel morals. Baby it is so hot, I kid you not." I say to him.

"Well I guess I have to live with it either way, so I might as well not hate it." He says.

"That's the spirit!" I squeeze him tight. I let him go, and he studies his new hair in the mirror.

"Baby, it's so hot." I say to him, running my fingers through his hair.

"Cal, I definitely hate it." He says back to me.

"Lets try something and maybe you won't hate it after." Tyler says, shoving me out of the way. I step back and stand next to Danae who is very proud of her work.

"He hates it." She states.

"He doesn't hate it, it's just a big change for him." I say.

"Is Tyler spiking the front of his hair up?" Danae asks aloud.

"I think so yeah. That's what I wanted in the first place." I say.

"Well for the record I wasn't even done. I asked Ty to come look what I've done so far, and he dragged you in here." Danae said.

"Dae, you did a marvelous job." I say.

"Thanks Cal." She smiles at me. She starts looking at my arm, so I take a step away.

"No." I state.

"Just listen, what if you got some blonde highlights right here in the front that would swoop with your hair?" Danae asks, moving her hand to the front of my hair.

"I'll ask Luke." I say.

"Dye his hair pink for all I care." Luke says.

"Hey, be nice." Tyler smacks Luke's arm.

"Danae, dye his hair pink." Luke says.

"Dae, don't you even dare. Luke, your hair can be pink too." I say to him. He grins at me through the mirror.

"How about like a gold blonde sort of? I think that would look really nice." Danae keeps messing with my hair.

"Dae, can you not?" I ask. moving my head.

"Do it Dae." Luke says.

"Yes! Come on Cal." She grabs my wrist and pulls me over to another station. She touched my wrist and now it's on fire and now I can't think. Luke notices my instant distress, but can't do anything because Tyler is still doing his hair. He better rub my arm after this.

"Hey! Dae! Careful with him! He's already broken." Tyler says to her.

"Oh, sorry hun." Dae smiles at me, letting go of my wrist. 

"Gosh Dae." I grin.

"Shush you." She giggles.

"How long is this gonna take?" I ask.

"Twenty minutes max." She says.

"Well, Luke is done!" Tyler sings. I really want to look over, but Danae holds my head where it is.

"Luke please come into sight so Cal can look." Danae smiles over at Luke. I hear Luke get up and soon I can see him in the mirror.

"Woah, come here." I say, blindly reaching over to grab him. He lets me pull him in between my legs, and grins at me.

"You like standing there now don't you Luke?" Tyler grins from the other station.

"Very much so." Luke says.

"See, your hair is so awesome like this." I say.

"Move." Danae rudely shoves Luke out of the way.

"Dae! That's my boyfriend you know!" I pout. Luke ducks under her arms and kisses me briefly on the lips.

"So cute!" Tyler exclaims. Luke grins at me, and I know Tyler's happy attitude is rubbing off. 

"See, your hair looks amazing." I say to Luke.

"Yeah, I guess it's ok." Luke says. 

"Lucas, move." Danae pushes him away again.

"You did not just call me Lucas." Luke states.

"And if I did?" She stops and looks up at him. 

"Luke. No." I say.

"You're lucky you're my friend." He says to Danae.

"I know." She grins. She continues with my hair, and finishes a few minutes later. 

"Hey, Luke, come look." Danae calls to Luke who went over to talk with Tyler. I turn and see Tyler get a butt touch in, and Luke whips around to face him.

"Hey, haven't I told you that my butt is off limits? Grope Cal's all you want, just leave mine alone." Luke says to Tyler. We all burst out laughing. Luke ignores our laughs and comes to look at my hair.

"It's great." He says to me.

"I know. I think it's about time we get going." I say. I climb out of the chair and grab Luke's right hand with my left.

"Aw, well see you two later." Tyler pouts.

"Text us this time." Danae says.

"Sure, bye guys." I say. We start walking out, and Tyler runs up behind us and smacks my ass as we walk out.

"Lets go before someone that knows us shows up." Luke says.

"Yeah, come on." I say. We leave as quickly as I can, and run over to my car. We check the car out, and then quickly get in. I back out, and drive us back to my house as fast as possible.

***


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Want a sandwich up your dick?

Chapter Thirteen

***

LUKE POV

**12pm, March 11th**

"Hey Cal, you want something to eat?" I ask, looking over at him.

"No." He says. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Are you sure? We haven't had anything yet today." I say. He turns his head to look at me, and locks eyes.

"No." He states. He turns his head back, making me mildly confused.

"Um, ok. I'll be right back." I say. 

"Whatever." He says. I get up, and walk towards the door. I look back at him, but he's paying no attention whatsoever. I go over to where his meds are, and read the pill bottle. What the fuck. Ok Cal, no more medicine for you. May cause symptoms of depression. 

"Hey Cal, come here real quick." I say to him, putting his medicine down.

"Why?" He asks, not even looking at me.

"Because I said to." I say. That makes him look over at me.

"You can't tell me what to do." He says. I walk over to him and stand in front of him.

"Give me my blade real quick." I say. That snaps him out of his shitty mood real quick.

"What? Fuck no." He says. I smack him upside the head.

"No more medicine." I say.

"But I'm supposed to take it." Calum says.

"Not anymore. Symptoms of depression." I say.

"Oh." He says.

"Yeah oh." I say.

"Sorry, can I have a sandwich?" He asks.

"I'm gonna smack you." I say.

"Please?" He asks.

"Fine." I say.

"Can I have a hug first?" He asks next.

"Of course Cal." I say. I bend down and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me tightly, pulling me down on top of him. I do my best to not land on his ribs, but that's literally all there is. He grunts in pain, but doesn't cuss me out because he knows it was his doing.

"Is this how you feel, like, full time?" Cal asks me quietly.

"Yeah, pretty much." I say.

"This sucks." He says.

"Yup, but yours is temporary." I say. He kisses my lips for a few seconds, and then pushes me off.

"I could've gotten off." I say, regaining my balance.

"Sorry, I couldn't breathe." He says. I lean over him and kiss his forehead

"That's because I take your breath away." I grin at him.

"Cocky." He sticks his tongue out at me.

"Yup." I say, poking his tongue with my own.

"Food now please." He grins up at me. I roll my eyes at him.

"What type of sandwich do you want?" I ask.

"Anything made by you is bound to be amazing." He says. 

"You are such a suck up." I say.

"Am not, I'm just adorable." He says.

"Keep being adorable and you won't get any food." I say.

"Fine." He drawls out. I walk towards the door, and look back at him once more. He makes a heart with his hands, and I roll my eyes. 

I leave the room, and head to the kitchen. I get out the stuff to make peanut butter and jelly. I start making Cal's first, and my phone starts ringing. But... I've got jelly everywhere. Fuck my phone. I let it ring and quickly finish making the sandwich. My phone starts ringing again, and I pull it out and answer it.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Nice haircut." Jai's voice rings in my head. That fucker.

"I knew you'd like it considering you totally bully me because you like me." I say.

"Oh get over yourself. I got your boyfriend, you're next. Don't mess with my girlfriend next time." Jai says.

"You're the only person that would fuck that whore so she's all yours." I say.

"Hey! You watching what you say." Jai says to me.

"Are you gonna make me?" I ask. 

"Who is it?" Cal appears in his doorway.

"Just a friend Cal, go lay down." I say. I mouth to him to call the cops, and he nods.

"Ok, hurry up." He says.

"Aw aren't you just so cute. Look at him standing in his little doorway. Oh, darn, he went back to his room." Jai says when Cal takes a few steps backwards. 

"So, since you're apparently here somewhere why don't you come out from behind your phone and stop being a pussy?" I say.

"Why don't you stop hiding inside?" Jai asks back.

"I'm not hiding I'm taking care of my boyfriend who you hit with a car, and if I come outside it better be a fair one on one no weapons." I say.

"I don't need anything else to kick your ass so bring it." Jai says. I hit end on my phone, and pocket it.

"Three minutes." Cal says to me. 

"Come on cripple, come stand by the door and watch." I say.

"Don't call me a cripple." He says. He walks with me to the front door, and I head outside. 

"Don't kill him yet." Cal whispers to me.

"Well, you gonna fight me or not?" Jai asks me, standing in the driveway.

"That's like asking if your girlfriend is a whore or not." I say.

"Get your ass over here faggot." Jai says to me.

"Why? You want to touch it? Knew you wanted me." I smirk.

"Touching is impossible, atoms can't touch." Cal mumbles.

"Thanks for the science lesson Cal." I say sarcastically. I walk down the steps and over to Jai. This is a game of how long can I stall without getting hurt too much. 

"Put your fists up, you said you wanted a fair fight." Jai says.

"Oo fists? Like, fisting? That's always fun." I say. I hear Calum snort with laughter.

"You're not funny at all." Jai says.

"Made Cal laugh." I smirk.

"That's because he's a faggot." Jai says.

"But he's my faggot, aren't you Cal?" I ask.

"Ever call me a faggot again and I'll kill you." Cal says seriously to me. 

"Are you gonna fight me or not?" Jai grabs me roughly by the throat. I spit on his face, making him let go.

"I'm a llama." I state. This earns a weird look from Jai and Cal. Don't judge me, I'm running out of ideas. I notice a police car turn onto the street without any lights on or sirens. Cal you little smarty. Jai grabs my throat with both hands and suddenly I can't breathe. Cheater!

"Who the fuck do you think you are huh?" Jai asks me. The cop car stops and two police come running out.

"He's strangling him!" Cal shouts to them. Jai lets go and whips around. He goes to run, but I stick my foot out and trip him. I've always wanted to do that. He falls flat on his face, and one of the officers kneels down and handcuffs him.

"You ok boy?" The second officer asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say. The two officers load Jai into the car, and leave.

"You're a llama?" Cal asks me as I walk over to him.

"It worked didn't it?" I ask back. 

"Kind of, come on, I need to lay back down." He says. We walk in, and I make sure he lays down ok in his bed.

"So... That food..." Cal trails off.

"You are ridiculous." I say to him.

"I try." He grins. 

I go into the kitchen and get the food. I have to make my sandwich, and when I return Cal is out cold. Ok then. I set the plates down on his dresser. I look towards the bathroom, the soft burn in my skin intensifying. Like, I have to pee, but I can't go in there without my blade. I quickly check all my pockets to see if Cal did the same thing again. Darn. I tiptoe over to Cal, and stare at his pockets. Which one would mine be in? I know he keeps his in his front left. So that leaves three pockets. It's clearly not in the other front one unfortunately. Ok, please let it be in the back left. I slowly reach forward, and carefully inch my hand under him.

"Don't wake up." I whisper to myself. 

I slip my fingers into the pocket. Fuck me in the ass with a missile. It's in his other pocket. I carefully pull my fingers out of his pocket. I can try from here or go to the other side. If I get on the bed he might wake up, but if my entire forearm is under him how could he not? For all I know he could be awake right now. Well, here goes nothing. I move my arm further under him, and slowly get to the other pocket. I glance up at him, and luckily he still seems to be asleep. I slip my fingers into his other pocket and find gold. I slide my blade out, and slowly pull my arm out. I get my arm out, and put my blade in my pocket.

"Play it cool." I whisper.

"Cal, hey, you want your sandwich?" I quietly ask him.

"Mmmm." He mumbles.

"Cal?" I ask.

"Errr." He groans. 

"I'll take that as a no. Go back to sleep then." I say.

"Mmm." He mumbles. I carefully step towards his bathroom, and close the door as silently as possible. I push my sleeves up, and look at my arms. They are so raw and sore, but they are burning so much. I think I deserve a slice or two after being strangled. I pull my blade out, and slice open my left arm. Blood starts seeping out and splashing into the sink. I went in at an angle. It bleeds more this way, so I've learned. 

"Found you." Michael scares the absolute shit out of me. I drop my blade, and turn around so fast that I fall on my ass.

"You motherfucker just gave me a heart attack. Shut the fuck up Cal is sleeping." I say.

"Um." Michael nods toward my arm. I look and see I've got blood everywhere.

"Thanks a lot." I say to him. I push myself up and rinse off my arm. I get some tissue and wipe the blood off the floor and counter. I then dry my arm and apply a bandage. I look at my shirt, which just had to be white.

"Can you get me a black sweatshirt?" I ask Michael.

"Sure." He says. I clean off my blade, and then pull my shirt off. I get out the mixture of cleaning supplies Cal and I came up with, and start scrubbing the blood out of my shirt. Michael watches awkwardly with the new sweatshirt.

"You don't sneak up on someone who was clearly about to put another slice in." I say to Michael.

"Sorry?" He says. I look back at my shirt, and rinse off the spot with water. Lucky son of a bitch. I toss my shirt in the laundry basket, and grab the sweatshirt from Michael.

"Why do you do that?" Michael asks me.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Cut." He clarifies.

"Because life fucking sucks." I say.

"Your life isn't any worse than mine and I don't cut." Michael says.

"Michael, I'm openly gay, dating Calum, he was just hit by a car, and I was strangled earlier." I list off.

"You were strangled?" He asks.

"Yes. They have Jai now at least." I say.

"But cutting isn't gonna help." Michael says.

"It does Michael, it does a lot." I say.

"Does Cal know you're cutting right now?" Michael asks me.

"No, which is why you need to shut the fuck up." I say. I push the sleeves down on the sweatshirt, and grab my blade. Michael moves so I can leave the bathroom.

"What are-"

"Shush!" I hiss. He puts his hands up in defense. I creep over to Cal, and slowly push my arm under him. I feel around for the pocket, and then slip my blade in. I pull my arm back out, and then turn to face Michael.

"Why are you here?" I ask quietly.

"Well I texted Cal earlier and told him I was coming over after school, apparently you didn't get the message." Michael says.

"Yeah, apparently." I say.

"You seem like you're in a shitty mood." Michael points out.

"I'm always in a shitty mood, I'm just normally better at hiding it." I say.

"Well, what's wrong?" Michael asks me.

"Michael, I've told you once already that I don't talk about this stuff." I say.

"Yeah and I got you to talk about it last time." He says. I stare at him, and eventually sigh.

"I told Cal to not let me cut this week, and he fucked up once, and I've gone against him twice now." I say.

"Why?" Michael asks me. What? 

"What do you mean why? I don't know what he was doing, but I took my blade from him because my arms were on fire." I say.

"That didn't answer my question." Michael says.

"Your question was one word, be more specific then." I say.

"Why were your arms on fire?" Michael asks me. 

"Because when life gets too stressful cutting is the best stress reliever." I say.

"Is that why Cal was freaking out when you guys got in that fight?" Michael asks.

"Kinda." I say.

"Kind of?" Michael asks.

"I do not talk about this." I state.

"Oh, ok." Michael says, hearing how serious I am.

"Yeah." I mumble. I grab my sandwich, and I go sit on the end of the bed. 

"Do you ever talk to Cal about this stuff?" Michael asks me.

"No." I say.

"Why not?" Michael asks me.

"Because he already knows." I say.

"Does he though?" Michael asks. I sigh.

"Not really." I say.

"Why not?" Michael asks me.

"I don't know. I told you I don't talk about this stuff." I say.

"You should, at least with Cal." Michael says.

"Did you really only find out the other day?" I ask.

"No, I've know for a month now." Michael admits. I knew it. I quietly finish my sandwich. 

"So, is Cal awake?" I ask.

"Yeah." Michael says. I shrug, feeling tears come to my eyes. Michael steps out, and Calum sits up next to me. He grabs my arm, and tugs me up the bed. He turns me to face him, and pulls me into his chest.

"It's ok penguin." He whispers to me. 

"How could you tell Michael without telling me you did?" I ask.

"Because I didn't mean to." Cal says. 

"How do you let something like that slip?" I ask.

"I don't know Luke. I'm sorry." He says to me. It's fine, whatever, I don't care.

"Can I see your arm?" Cal asks me. Maybe Michael had a point. I should talk to Cal about this stuff. I know I can trust him. I think. I hold out my left arm, and feel Cal push my sleeve up. 

"Christ." He mumbles. He kisses my arm, making me pull it away. 

"Don't do that." I say. Well, actually, it was surprisingly calming. I slowly offer my arm back, and he cuddles it close.

"Hey penguin." He says.

"What?" I ask.

"I've got you." He giggles into my ear. I roll my eyes and chuckle.

"Hey koala." I say.

"What?" He grins.

"You're an idiot." I giggle. I laugh at his gasp. 

"Jerk." He says.

"Yup." I say.

"Hey penguin, can you lift your head?" Cal asks me.

"I rather like hiding." I say.

"But your face is so pretty." Cal says.

"Can I have my arm back now? Or at least push my sleeve down? I feel exposed." I say. He kisses my arm which makes me jerk away a bit, and then pushes my sleeve down.

"Wake me up next time baby. I won't mind at all." Cal says to me.

"I tried, you weren't interested in your food." I say.

"Oh, well shit." He says.

"Want it now?" I ask.

"Sure. Can we take a nap after? I am super tired." Cal says.

"Fine, I'm done with today anyways." I say.

"I don't think it works like that." Cal says.

"Does if I don't wake up until midnight." I say. 

"You are an idiot." He says to me.

"But I'm you're idiot." I giggle.

"Damn straight you are, and never forget it." Cal says.

"You want your food now, don't you?" I ask.

"Yes." He says.

"Ugh, exercise." I say, pushing myself up.

"Ugh, normal movement." Cal mocks me.

"Do you want this sandwich shoved up your dick?" I ask.

"Um, no thanks." He says.

"Didn't think so." I say. I lay back down on the bed, and wait for him to finish eating. Once he is done he cuddles right up next to me. Dear lord I am so tired it isn't funny.

***


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Strumming for the cripple

Chapter Fourteen

***

LUKE POV

**1am, March 12**

"Luke." Cal whispers, shoving me a little. It better be the next day or I swear to god.

"Is it tomorrow?" I ask.

"Uh, yup. By an hour now." Cal says.

"Fine, what do you want?" I ask.

"My chest really hurts." He says.

"Cal I don't want you taking that medicine." I say.

"I know, can you get me some aspirin or something?" He asks.

"Sure thing." I say.

"Thanks." He says.

"No problem baby." I say. I push myself out of bed, and head into his bedroom. I grab the aspirin, and come back out.

"Here." I say, handing him the bottle. I go grab a bottle of water from the kitchen and quickly return.

"Thanks." He says, taking it. I put the aspirin away once he's taken some.

"How many did you take?" I ask.

"Three." He says.

"Ok." I say. 

I lay back down on his bed, and let him cuddle up to me. Well shit, I'm not tired anymore. I look over at Cal, and see he has gone back to sleep. Ugh, I can't even talk to him. I pull my phone out, and unlock it. I decide to scroll through Facebook to kill time. Maybe I'll fall asleep. As I'm reading a bunch of funny drunk texts a message pops up from Michael. Why am I not surprised he's awake? 

Michael: y u up?

Me: Cal needed aspirin

Michael: and you didn't go back to sleep? You seemed pretty tired when I was there earlier.

Me: I was, but now I'm not.

Michael: everything ok?

Me: yup, the world is just rainbows and unicorns.

Michael: so funny. Seriously tho

Me: I'm good for now

Michael: You sure? 

Me: yeah, I guess

Michael: you guess? 

Me: I'm never sure about anything, it's safer that way.

Michael: so you're not sure if you want to die?

Me: ...

He didn't just go there did he? I mean, really? How many times do I have to tell him I don't talk about this? 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Cal asks me, touching my shoulder.

"S'nothing, I'm fine." I say. I hate that a stupid word like that gets his attention so fucking fast.

"Who are you texting?" Cal asks me.

"Just Michael." I say. He moves his head closer to look.

"Oh." He says when he reads the question.

"Yeah." I say quietly. 

"He's just trying to help, he doesn't understand." Cal says.

"That's the problem, he does understand though. I don't know how, but he gets it. Like, he knows all the right things to say. It doesn't make sense." I say.

"Do you want to talk to me about that?" Cal asks, nodding to my phone.

"No, I can't." I say.

"Yes you can baby, it will make you feel better." He says, rubbing my arm soothingly.

"I felt fine until he went and said that." I say.

"Then you should talk about it." Cal says.

"I don't want to." I say.

"You aren't scared to talk to me, are you?" Cal asks me.

"I'm not scared to talk to you Cal, I'm scared to talk about it." I say.

"Don't be scared baby, everything will turn out alright." Cal says.

"I'm going back to sleep." I say, locking my phone.

"Baby, I'm here for you, so is Mikey." Cal says to me.

"I know, I just don't want to think about it right now. Yesterday was shitty enough, we're only two hours into today." I say.

"Fine, that's fine. Lets fill some more of today with sleep so we don't have to deal with it." Cal says.

"Sounds like a plan." I say. I set my phone aside, and let Cal cuddle back up to me. I lay my head atop his, getting really comfy. I'm still not tired though. Cal starts rubbing my chest, and kisses my neck. How does he know? Like, how? He keeps rubbing my chest until I get sleepy, and then I'm not sure when he stops because I fell asleep.

**6am**

I feel Cal moving, trying to get out of the bed without waking me. I turn my head and look at him, making him freeze.

"You're being obnoxiously loud." I say.

"Shit. Sorry. Just go back to sleep." He says, getting up now.

"Why? So you can use the bathroom?" I ask. I woke up in a really bad mood.

"That was my plan yes, but you seem to need me more." Cal says, getting back on the bed.

"You're the one that woke me up for a shitty reason." I say.

"I know, I said sorry." He says, pulling me up against his side. Ok, maybe really bad was an overstatement, but I'm still in a bad mood. 

"Penguin, come on, don't be mad at me." Cal says to me, nuzzling his face into my cheek.

"Why shouldn't I be mad at you?" I ask.

"Because I'm sorry, and I stayed to make you feel better." Cal says.

"I didn't ask you to stay." I say.

"You didn't have to, I stayed on my own." Cal says. He's trying to prove the fact he's a good boyfriend so we don't get in a fight. We both know how fights turn out. 

"Give me a good hug and I'll consider letting it go." I say.

"Deal." He says, rolling on top of me and squeezing until I can hardly breathe. 

"What are you boys doing?" Joy asks from the doorway.

"He's grumpy because I woke him up trying to go to the bathroom so I'm hugging him." Cal answers her.

"Oh, ok. Well I'm about to leave, do you need anything?" Joy asks.

"No, we're good." Cal says.

"Ok." Joy says. She leaves, and Cal goes back to squeezing me.

"Ok, ok, you win." I say.

"I win when you smile." Cal says.

"Well then you're a sore loser." I say. He pouts at me, and I can't help but laugh.

"What was that? Sounds like I'm a winner." Cal grins down at me. 

"You suck." I grin at him.

"That I do." He winks.

"You are so funny." I say sarcastically.

"Yeah, that's why you were laughing." Cal says.

"I was laughing at your face not your sad sexual reference." I stick my tongue out. He pouts again, but this time I kiss his lips. 

"Baby, I really need to use the bathroom please." He says.

"No, if I suffer you suffer." I say.

"But baby-"

"Nope." I say.

"Fine. Oh and Tyler texted me yesterday and is coming over to take us out later." Cal says to me.

"Seems a lot of people texted you yesterday and I wasn't told." I say.

"What? No, just Ty- oh, you mean Mikey." Cal realizes.

"Mhm." I nod.

"Sorry about that, he texted me really early yesterday before he went to school and I totally forgot." Cal says to me.

"Fine. I scheduled practice on Thursday." I say.

"You did? When? Do the others know?" Cal asks me.

"No I just decided now. Your arm cast comes off tomorrow right?" I ask.

"Tomorrow or Thursday morning." Cal says.

"Good, we need to rehearse." I say.

"Why are you so eager to rehearse?" Cal asks me.

"Because I'm bored out of my mind, and I'm going insane by the day. I need something to do." I say.

"You don't like hanging out with me?" Cal asks.

"No, I like hanging out with you, I'm just going nuts being unable to cut. I need to do something with my hands soon or I'm gonna lose it." I say.

"Oh, ok. Well do you want to see if Mikey will skip school next week? All us lads can get together and drill next week. Maybe spend a day or two songwriting." Cal says.

"We can't make Michael do that, and Ashton has to work." I say.

"Ashton doesn't go. He just gets paid because he watches his siblings sometimes." Cal says.

"Ok, and what if he has to watch his siblings?" I ask.

"He can bring them." Cal shrugs.

"I like your plan then." I say.

"Thanks." He grins.

"Speaking of songwriting, I finished Invisible." I say, pulling it out.

"I thought I was writing the lyrics." Cal pouts.

"I only did the last verse." I roll my eyes.

"Let me see." Cal says. I reach over and grab it off the endtable, and hand it to him. I then get up and go grab Cal's guitar. I sit on his desk chair and start playing the chords for the song. 

"So, got any idea who's singing what parts yet?" Cal asks me.

"Yeah, you're singing the chorus." I say.

"Really?" Cal asks.

"Yeah, your voice holds more emotion." I say.

"Ok." Cal says, blushing lightly. He is such a cutie.

"Can I see the guitar for a moment?" Cal ask me.

"Sure." I say. I get up and give him the guitar. I help him sit up, and then sit next to him. I watch Cal trying to get situated with the guitar but it just isn't happening with the cast on his arm.

"I had such a good idea too." Cal pouts, handing the guitar back.

"I can sit behind you and you can use my hand to strum it." I offer.

"You are the best boyfriend ever." Cal says to me, leaning over to hug me. I let him hug me, and then move so I'm sitting behind him. I bring my right arm around so he can use it, and wrap my other arm around his stomach.

"Close your eyes." Cal says to me. I close my eyes, and nuzzle my face onto his neck. I get to help him and cuddle him all at once. He takes my hand and puts a guitar pick between my fingers. I just feel him start strumming a certain way, and get intrigued. This feels awesome, and it sounds awesome too.

"What is this?" I ask.

"It's a song Mikey and I wrote last year." Cal says. Oh.

"What's it called?" I ask.

"Airplanes." Cal says.

"Does it have lyrics?" I ask.

"Yeah, but we thought we were gonna scrap it. Mikey had the lyrics somewhere." Cal says.

"It sounds cool, don't scrap it." I say.

"We won't." Cal says.

"How close were you and Mikey before me?" I ask.

"Pretty close, why?" Cal asks me.

"You guys dated right?" I ask.

"Yeah, for a week." Cal says.

"Was it weird?" I ask.

"Yeah. There are some things you tell your best friend that you can't tell your boyfriend. With you I can tell you anything though, things are different with you." Cal says to me. I blush, but luckily he can't see.

"What's different?" I ask.

"With you I know I can tell you anything and you'd understand it. Especially with a certain topic." Cal says.

"Were you afraid to tell Michael?" I ask.

"That I cut? Yeah, terrified. I never did tell Michael, he figured it out himself a few days ago." Cal says.

"So the only thing that's different is that you can talk to me about cutting?" I ask.

"No, of course not. There's more." Cal says.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like you were never overprotective of me. I only dated Mikey a week, but he didn't let me do anything. He never wanted me getting hurt." Cal says.

"You like that?" I ask.

"Yeah, I don't like other people trying to protect me from everything. Like, a car, ok, a fist, ok. The world though? No." Cal says.

"But I didn't protect you from the car." I say.

"You did the first time." He says. I guess I did.

"I like protecting you. I'm pretty sure you like it too." Cal says.

"You're the only thing that makes me feel even the slightest bit safe, so yes." I say.

"But I don't suffocate you, I let you do you." Cal says.

"Yeah." I say. I've been kinda building this conversation up to something big, but now I'm really fucking nervous.

"Cal, do you really understand my depression?" I ask. He stops strumming, and squeezes my hand.

"Not really, I know you hate basically everything in your life." He says.

"Um, I'll go piece by piece then. You understand why I hate school right?" I ask.

"Yes, that one we share." Cal says.

"We used to share it, you never go anymore, it's always just me." I say.

"Just because I'm not there doesn't mean they don't bully me still. Just have a look at my Facebook." Cal says.

"Is that why you never use it?" I ask.

"Yeah." Cal says. Next part now. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.

"Um, next is my mum." I say.

"Ok." Cal says. I'm really glad he's being patient, but I still feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.

"I don't hate her I guess, I just hate that she doesn't understand what I go through." I say.

"Like school?" Cal asks.

"Especially school. She knows I get bullied, but she still makes me go. It's taken her, what, five years to have something done? I think she made things worse even." I say. 

"You can always talk to me penguin." Cal says.

"I am, right now." I say.

"I mean more often." He says.

"This is hard enough." I say.

"Ok, well continue." He says. I'm not really sure what else there is. There is one thing, but I can't even bring myself to think about it let alone talk. Cal starts rubbing my hand again, which helps a little.

"I'm not supposed to like cutting, am I?" I ask.

"Depends. What do you like about it?" Cal asks me.

"I can get my anger out without going to jail." I say. I feel him grin at that.

"What else?" He asks.

"It gets rid of stress." I say.

"Mhm." He nods.

"But it feels good, like, really good." I say. 

"I know what you mean." Cal says.

"I hate what my arms look like though." I add.

"I don't think you have an addiction to cutting yet. You have valid reasons." Cal says. Well that's relieving.

"I think we both have minor addictions to it. I mean, your blade runs on a clock." I say. I feel him blush.

"Ok, maybe small addictions. I mean, you are going crazy." Cal says.

"Slightly, but we aren't fighting each other for our blades so I guess we're ok." I say.

"Yeah, you're right. I mean, this is what they do to addicts, take away the good stuff." Cal says. I giggle into his neck.

"Do you want to talk about school more?" Cal asks me after a small silence.

"No." I say immediately.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yeah, not right now." I say.

"That's fine." Cal says.

"I dropped the pick in the guitar." I say. Cal groans, making me giggle again. He smacks my hand away, and turns the guitar over. He starts shaking it, and literally does this for five solid minutes until the pick falls out. 

"You suck." He says to me.

"You sound in pain, do you need something?" I ask.

"No, ok, maybe." He says. 

"Be right back baby." I say, kissing his neck. I get off the bed, nearly falling because I had to get out from behind him. I head into his bathroom, and grab the aspirin. When I return he's hugging his chest.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"I can't breathe." He wheezes.

"Uh, do I need to take you to the hospital?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"Are you sure?" I ask. He shakes his head again, and I facepalm. 

"Come on then Cal, let me help you to the car." I say, setting down the aspirin. I go over to him, and help him stand up. Slowly we make our way out of his house and to his car. 

"Stop." He manages out. I stop us, and carefully watch him.

"Cal, come on, just a few more feet." I say. He shakes his head.

"Fine." I say. I carefully pick him up bridal style, and carry him the rest of the way to the car. I set him on his feet, and open the door for him. I help him get in, and get in the drivers side. I get his keys from his pocket, and start the car up.

"Slow deep breaths, don't panic or it will get worse." I say. He nods. I start driving towards the hospital, glancing at Cal every once in a while. 

"Stop looking at me." He gasps for air.

"Stop talking." I say. I pull the car into a spot, and jump out. I go over to Cal's side and help him out of the car. I pick him up again and start carrying him towards the emergency entrance. 

"Shit, your chest was hurting last night wasn't it?" I ask. He nods. 

"Can I help you?" A nurse asks when I carry Cal in.

"He can't breathe and his chest was hurting last night. He had a punctured lung if that helps." I say. 

"Ok, lay him down right here." The nurse says, signaling over a gurney. I lay Cal down, and squeeze his hand before they take him away. He lifts his arm to me, and I nod.

"I have to go pick up his mum, I'll be back soon." I say to the nurse.

"Ok, just give me your number so we can call you if anything happens." The nurse says. I write down my number and then run out. Ok, I just have to get the concealer and get back before Joy finds out. Easy, right?

***


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Stupid decision

Chapter Fifteen

***

CALUM POV

**4pm, March 12th**

I wake up from whatever they used to put me to sleep, and there's a breathing respirator over my face. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say my lung collapsed or something fun like that. I look around, but the room is empty. I lift my arm up, and luckily it's covered in concealer. Ok, now where is Luke? Luckily they only took my shirt off of me, so I know his blade is still in my pocket. So is my phone. I pull my phone out and unlock it.

Me: hey where r u, you better not have left me alone with a mask thingy on my face.

Luke: trying to calm your mum down outside

Me: oh god

Luke: think I'll bring her in to see that you're alive. but you aren't allowed to talk at all. I'm serious.

Me: Don't let her hug me this time.

Luke: I've already told her not to.

I set my phone down on my stomach, and watch the door. After a few moments of waiting Luke comes in with my mum. 

"I texted Tyler to tell him what happened and he said he's gonna come by here." Luke says to me. I just stare at him, waiting for him to tell me what happened. My mum grabs my casted arm and hugs it, making me look at her.

"Don't talk." Luke says before I can even think of words to say. Fucking tell me what happened already.

"Your left lung collapsed due to a bone fragment from your rib puncturing it." Luke says to me. I give him a kinda worried look, and then glance at the heart monitor that started beeping more rapidly.

"Chill, your lung is fine, they had to perform surgery though, you're gonna be here all day tomorrow for observation." Luke says to me. All day tomorrow? Ugh.

"Don't worry, I'll be here the whole time." Luke rolls his eyes. Don't roll your eyes at me. Now tell me why I'm not allowed to speak.

"Don't glare at me. You're not allowed to talk because they don't want to put extra stress on your lung." Luke says. That is so annoying. I glance at my mum, and then at Luke. Can you please pry her off my arm?

"Joy I think he wants his arm back." Luke says. My mum lets my arm go, and then wipes the tears off her face. I just want people to leave me alone right now. I am in a bad mood because of a jackass named Jai.

"Hey Joy why don't you go call Mali and fill her in?" Luke says to my mum. 

"Yeah, good idea." My mum says. She leaves, and Luke comes over and sits in the chair next to me.

"You can talk a little, but not too much. I didn't want her to bombard you with questions and overwhelm you." Luke says to me.

"Thanks for getting her to leave." I say. 

"No problem baby, I can tell when people annoy you." He says.

"You didn't do anything stupid, right?" I ask. Ow, ow, ow. It hurts to breathe now.

"Stop talking now. God I sound so rude, but I swear I'm just looking out for your well being." Luke says to me.

"I know." I say quietly. Now I will stop talking.

"The answer is no by the way. I didn't do anything stupid. Kinda just freaked out the entire time you were in surgery. Then your mum showed up and god that woman was a complete mess." Luke says. I grin a little. Definitely sounds like my mum.

"Anyway, I'm chill now." He says.

"Knock knock?" Tyler's voice comes from the closed door. Luke literally clamps a hand over my mouth before I say anything.

"Come in just don't make him talk." Luke says. Tyler comes in, twirls and then closes the door. 

"Oh my gosh Cal you look awful. Well, I mean, you look good, but you seem like you feel like crap." Tyler comes up to my other side. I nod.

"So why can't he talk?" Tyler asks Luke.

"His left lung collapsed, and it's good now, but they don't want to put any extra stress on it." Luke explains.

"Ow, that must've sucked. Ha get it? Sucked? Like, with air? Kill me please." Tyler covers his face with his hands. I shake my head with a grin, but Luke isn't very amused. 

"So funny." I say, earning a smack from Luke.

"No talking." He reprimands me. I stick my tongue out at him.

"So, obviously we are gonna reschedule our shopping day, when do you think all this will be settled?" Tyler asks, gesturing to me. I shrug, and pull out my phone. I go into the calendar app, and point to the twenty-fourth.

"Cool, let me mark it and I'll get it off." Tyler says, pulling out his own phone to mark it.

"Ok, so, like, how bad did it hurt on a scale of one to ten?" Tyler asks, leaning against the bed rail. I hold up eight fingers.

"Yeah, sounded like a ten though. He literally couldn't breathe. He couldn't even walk." Luke says. I glare at him.

"Oh my god that's terrible. Aw, did you come to his rescue?" Tyler asks Luke. Not gonna lie, Tyler totally flirts with me and I kinda flirt back. But I'm Luke's and Luke's mine. Never gonna change. Tyler is my favorite gay person other than Luke. 

"Kinda. I mean, I dragged him, literally dragged, out of his house and carried him to his car." Luke shrugs it off. I nudge Luke's arm with my hand until he gives me his hand. It actually took a lot of nudging because he had no clue what I wanted.

"So what about this gorgeous thing?" Tyler flicks my cast. 

Tyler wears eyeliner and mascara and pulls it off better than some girls. His hair is always on point, which is why he works as a hair stylist, and his clothing choices are always great. They have a hint of punk to them, and he always is wearing converse. He is really fucking adorable with everything he does. He even cuts hair adorably.

"It comes off either tonight or tomorrow, they haven't decided yet." Luke answers for me since I wasn't really paying any attention.

"That's awesome, you can play your bass again I bet." Tyler says.

"Mhm." I nod, prepared to be smacked. Luke lets it slide but gives me a warning look. 

So, I'm a little claustrophobic, and this mask on my face is really starting to freak me out now. I let go of Luke's hand to try to pull it off, but he yanks my hand away. No, get it off now. I don't like it, I don't want it on my face. Get. It. Off. Luke finally takes it off when my heart monitor starts beeping really fast. With it off my face I feel less trapped by it.

"Are you claustrophobic?" Tyler asks me, dragging his finger across my arm cast. I nod.

"He is a little. And you do have to put it back on once you've calmed down." Luke says to me. I show my discomfort by giving him a face, but he gives me a look saying it isn't his choice. Luke suddenly grabs Tyler's wrist, and I find his hand inches from my crotch.

"Tyler I let you flirt with my boyfriend, I let you touch his ass, but this is where I cross the line." Luke says.

"Yeah Tyler, don't even go near my dick." I say.

"Ok, sorry, um, don't hate me? I think I'll go." Tyler pulls his hand back to his chest.

"We don't hate you, it's just a warning." I roll my eyes.

"Don't do it again though." Luke says. I smack him.

"He said sorry." I say.

"Don't touch his dick, and you don't have to leave." Luke says. Ow again, ok, I'm seriously gonna stop talking.

"Ok." Tyler nods.

"So, you haven't told me yet, what'd Michael think about your guys' hair?" Tyler goes back to leaning against the bed rail.

"He actually didn't comment on it because we got in an argument I guess. We're cool now he just hasn't been over." Luke says.

"Darn, what about your mums?" Tyler asks next.

"I don't think they've said anything either. My mum is too busy worrying about me, and he is in, like, a constant battle with his." I say. Luke gives me a look, which is enforced by pain in my chest. I keep forgetting! I'm sorry. Tyler makes me really talkative.

"It's a fucking war at this point." Luke mumbles.

"So nobody's said anything? Well I think your hair is spot on, and that's not because I had anything to do with it." Tyler grins.

"Ty, you're an idiot sometimes." I grin. Luke smacks me and then forces my mask back on. Urg. Fucking Jai that asshat.

"Please, it's full time and you know it." Tyler laughs. I grin but don't laugh because I bet that isn't allowed either. I'm tired both physically and mentally.

"You seem tired, I'll get going, gonna go hunt me down some single guys, see you later yeah?" Tyler asks. I nod, and he blows a kiss before leaving.

"I don't know how you can stand him for so long." Luke says to me.

"Last time you warmed up to him." I say.

"Yeah, well last time we weren't in the hospital." Luke says. Somebody is in a bad mood.

"Hey, you're not allowed to be in a bad mood when I'm in a bad mood." I say.

"Then don't be in a bad mood." Luke says. I don't say anything because my chest started hurting again. I scoot over, and pat the bed. He climbs in and lays next to me. He passes an arm around my shoulders, and pulls me snuggly against his side. I rest my head against his chest, feeling better now that I'm in his arms.

"I wish you could talk so I could ask you what's wrong." Luke says to me. Yeah, trust me, so do I. The doctor comes in, and gives Luke a look.

"What? He was grumpy about having to be here all day tomorrow." Luke says.

"Get down." The doctor says. Luke listens, and reluctantly gets off the bed.

"So Calum, how do you feel? And please try not to talk too much." The doctor says. I shrug the tiniest bit. I feel pissed off, and you just made my boyfriend let me go.

"Are you in any pain?" The doctor asks. Don't laugh, don't laugh. I bite my lip while I grin. I see Luke shaking his head at me. I shake my head no. The real answer was yes because my life is pain.

"Well that's good. Really do try to refrain from talking and moving too much. Your lung is very weak right now and too much stress on it could make it worse." The doctor says. I roll my eyes, but Luke gives me a look.

"Well good talk, we'll have a nurse check on you every so often." The doctor says. I nod. 

"Don't get on the bed please." The doctor says to Luke before leaving. Once he's gone Luke climbs back on.

"You know, sarcasm is fun and all, but please refrain from using it in a hospital." Luke says to me.

"Ain't sarcasm if it's true. Just me being a smart ass." I mumble. Luke surprisingly cuddles up to me. It's surprising because he normally doesn't want to show affection. 

"I was so worried Cal." He says quietly, sniffling a bit.

"Hey, baby, don't cry." I say, turning my head to look at him.

"Cal, what would I do without you?" He asks me. Holy shit. I don't have an answer. Not one I can say anyways. I know what he would do if I wasn't here. He would do it so fast and so deep that he would hit bone. There would be no fixing that. Which would be exactly what he wants. 

"Baby I would never leave you." I say.

"Not by choice." He says. I've never realized how worried and freaked out this makes me, but I'm hooked up to a heart monitor, and that's all I can hear now.

"Pause please, I can't breathe." I say when my chest starts hurting. I watch Luke stare at me for a solid thirty seconds, and know right then he's made a stupid decision.

"Give me my blade." Luke suddenly says.

"No." I say immediately. 

"Now, give me my blade and I'm going home." He says.

"I said no." I say. He takes advantage of my crippled state, holds down the only arm I can move, and gets his blade from my pocket.

"Luke, please." I say. He ignores me and walks out. No. No, I will not lose him this way. Not when I can't even try to save him. I pull out my phone and text Michael.

Me: Find Luke NOW. He just took his blade from me and left. Check his house and my house, take Ash with you, just whatever you do stop him. Stop him now.

Mikey: On it, sending Ash to your house while I go to his. 

Me: Just get him back to me. Take his blade and lock it up in your house. Now go.

***


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Real talk

Chapter Sixteen (longer chapter)

***

CALUM POV

**7pm, March 12th**

I watch my heart monitor, which has been beating faster than normal since Luke left two hours ago. I haven't heard a word from anyone since I texted Mikey. My mum came in and told me she was going to talk to the police, fine with me. I don't want anyone near me while I wait. My phone suddenly just blows up. Not, like, literally, but with texts. All from Ashton. 

Ash: He missed.

Ash: Band is having a talk too.

Ash: He's fucked up.

Ash: r u ok?

Me: He missed what? a major artery?

Ash: yes that.

Me: thank fucking god. please for the love of god bring him to me.

Ash: He won't go anywhere.

Me: then fucking drag him.

Ash: You sure? He's sobbing and shit.

I stop texting for a moment and wait for my heart monitor to chill. Wait, he missed? Luke doesn't just miss a major artery. Do you know how hard it is to miss a major artery? He didn't miss.

Me: Ash, does he still have his blade?

Ash: I don't know where he put it. 

Me: find it NOW. He didn't miss, he second guessed himself, now find it before he changes his mind. You can't miss a major artery, either you hit it or you aim elsewhere.

My phone remains silent for a number of minutes, and that entire time I can't breathe. My lungs are freaking out and every breath feels like a knife to my chest. By the time Ash texts me again the pain has subsided.

Ash: Ok, found it. I wrapped his arm kinda? I'm not a pro at this so I did my best. 

Me: Thank fucking god. 

I then get a text from Michael and I'm freaking out again.

Mikey: So Ash can't tell the difference between missed and didn't miss. He's bleeding, a lot.

Me: come get me, keep pressure on his wrist.

Mikey: I thought you couldn't leave?

Me: I WILL START WALKING.

Mikey: Ashton is coming, I've got Luke.

I look around, unplug all the machines, get all the wires off me, and take out my IV. I get up from the bed, and get my shirt on. I go over to the door, and sneak out into the busy hallway. I get out of the hospital as fast as I can, and start walking to the driveway of the hospital parking lot. I stop walking at the corner and take time to breathe. I regain my breath within a couple minutes and the pain subsides. Ashton pulls up in front of me and unlocks the car. I climb in and he starts driving to my house. My boyfriend chose to try to take his life in my house. 

"Band meeting when this is settled." Ashton states.

"Yeah, I know." I say quietly. 

"I'm not mad at you for not telling me, I understand." Ash says.

"Please, no you don't." I say.

"I burn myself." He says.

"What?" I turn to look at him.

"I burn myself." He repeats, pushing up his sleeve. 

"How have we never noticed that?" I ask.

"Because I'm normally behind my drums or my biceps just distract you. I mean, Mikey and I never noticed you two cut." Ashton says. 

"We are one fucked up group of people." I say.

"You said it." Ash says. We pull up to my house, and I would run in but my lungs won't allow that. 

"Hey calm down, don't hurt yourself." Ash says to me. I glare at him, and walk as fast as my lungs allow. I get to my bathroom and find Luke fast asleep in Michael's arms.

"Is he still bleeding?" I ask.

"No, I kept pressure on it and it's just stopped." Michael says.

"Ashton go buy some apple juice." I say. 

"On it." Ashton says, jogging out. 

"Cal, something needs to be done." Michael says to me.

"Michael, please not right now. I can't breathe and I'm trying not to cry." I say.

"Ok, sorry." Michael says. 

I sit down on the other side of Luke, and pull him onto my lap. I grab his wrist from Michael, and keep pressure on it even though it isn't bleeding anymore. I hug Luke close to me, and bury my face in his hair. Tears prick at my eyes, and I try to hold them back. Try is the keyword in that sentence. Tears start leaking from my eyes, falling into his gorgeous, soft hair. 

"Do you want me to bandage him up?" Michael asks quietly.

"No." I say sharply, lifting my head.

"No, no, I want to do it." I say more softly, noticing how my tone startled him. 

Michael gets up and grabs the stuff I need. I move my head next to Luke's and hold his arm in front of us. I take the towel off, and take the damp tissue Michael gives me to clean his arm off. I gently wipe the dried blood off of Luke's arm. Luke wakes up a bit, and moves his head a little. He nudges his face into my neck, and then falls asleep again. I dry his arm off next, and then apply an antibiotic ointment to the cuts. Yes cuts. There are three gashes in his wrist. My eyes get blurry with tears, and I carefully wipe them away with the back of my hand. I take the gauze from Michael and wrap it around Luke's wrist. I push Luke's sleeve down, and then gently put his arm down.

"You ok Cal?" Michael asks me. 

"Yeah, life is raining sunshine." I say.

"I asked Luke that before and he gave me a similar answer." Michael says.

"That's Luke for you, stealing all my sayings." I smile faintly. Ashton comes in with a gallon of apple juice. He sets it down along with a cup and straw. Oh god, I have to wake up Luke now. I turn my head a bit, and gently push up Luke's head. Once his head is up I find his eyes open and he's staring at me. He's awake. He looks around at his surroundings, and then pushes up his sleeve. He groans, sulking back into my chest.

"I hate you for coming and putting yourself in danger, but thanks I guess." He sits up a bit.

"Thanks?" I ask.

"Yeah, I don't know, I still hate life though." He says.

"How can you hate life when I'm in it?" I ask.

"Trust me, not that difficult." He says. I pout. 

"Here drink this, and no complaining." I say, grabbing the cup Ash just filled.

"I hate apple juice though." Luke says.

"Well you're gonna learn to like it, drink it." I say. He mumbles incoherent swears, but takes the cup from me. I wrap my hands around his when he nearly drops it from shaking so much. 

"So, I see you have the whole band here." Luke says between drinking it.

"Yep." I say.

"Now how did you get out of the hospital?" He asks me. 

"I ripped everything off and walked out, not that hard actually. Ash picked me up." I say.

"Can I ask a question?" Ashton asks, raising his hand.

"Ask who?" Luke asks.

"Both of you I guess." Ash says.

"Then no." Luke says.

"Babe." I say.

"Cal, it's fine, don't make him." Ash says.

"Don't baby me."

"Don't baby him."

"Jesus sorry." Ash says.

"What's your stupid question?" Luke asks.

"How long have you guys been cutting?" Ash asks. Luke squirms a little, showing his discomfort with that question.

"I've been cutting for three years." I say. 

"Five years." Luke says.

"Ok, um, how many times have you, um, you know, uh, done this?" Ashton asks Luke.

"Twice now, saved by the jackass I'm sitting on both times." Luke says.

"But I'm your jackass. And I'm crippled so you have to be nice to me." I say.

"You're lucky I don't murder you." Luke turns his head to look at me. I kiss his lips, but he only rolls his eyes.

"You kissed back dumbass." I mumble. He blushes, and turns his head back.

"Thanks you two as well. Everything just seems so hopeless all the time and eventually it gets to me." Luke says. I lay my head against his shoulder blade, feeling completely drained.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" Luke asks me.

"Yeah, but I do have a question." I lift my head.

"Ok?" He says.

"Do I help you? At all?" I ask.

"Yes." He says immediately without doubt. That makes me smile a little.

"I know I literally just said I hate life even with you in it, but you make me regret attempting this shit a bit. Just a bit." He says. 

"So I don't help much." I mumble.

"Cal, you help tons, I'd be long gone if it weren't for you. I guess in a weird way I'm thankful for that." He says.

"I just feel so useless when shit like this happens. Like, I think I'm keeping you happy and making you feel better, and then all of that crumbles in the blink of an eye." I say.

"You aren't useless Cal, you never will be. Some things are just bigger than you." Luke says.

"Luke, how can you say everything sucks when you're siting here telling him how much he helps?" Michael asks.

"Fine, then just about everything. Only things that don't are the band and Cal." Luke says. This talk has been long needed.

"Then focus on that, you know, instead of the rest of your life. If you focus on the good-"

"Ash, not in the mood. And you're one to talk." Luke says.

"What?" Ash asks.

"Cal may be an idiot but I've seen your arms." Luke says.

"Hey." I pout. He shrugs off my reaction, and continues talking.

"You burn, right?" Luke asks Ashton.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you noticed." Ash says.

"Wait, what?" Michael asks. Ashton pushes his sleeve up.

"God this band is so fucked up." Michael groans. 

"Oh yeah? And what about you Mikey? What's your problem, I know you have one." Luke says.

"Me? No, I'm somewhat normal." Michael says.

"All of us have shown you our arms, your turn." Luke pushes. 

"Fine, I'm bulimic." Michael says.

"What? Ew. Sorry. That's, like, making yourself throw up right?" I ask.

"Yeah." Michael says.

"Better than a physical scar." Luke says.

"That's not all." Michael squirms where he stands.

"What else?" Ashton asks.

"I binge eat." He says.

"You binge eat? I am sorry for being so clueless, I'm caught up on self harm, not, like bodily." I say.

"I don't eat for a really long time and then I eat a shitload at once and then I make myself throw up, it's real fun." Michael says.

"How long?" I ask.

"Couple days, a week." He shrugs.

"How can you not eat that long?" I ask.

"I don't like food." Michael shrugs.

"Well, that was a nice little chat, I think I'm done though." Luke says.

"Does it kill you to talk about this stuff?" I ask, then regret asking.

"I wish." He says. I groan.

"No, it just makes me uncomfortable." Luke answers for real.

"Well I liked this talk." I say. Luke stays quiet as he thinks about it.

"I guess it was a good talk, not saying we should have these daily though, fuck that." Luke says.

"Well we're gonna do this daily until you get out of this rut." I say.

"Guess I'm gonna have to get used to them then, we'll be doing them for the rest of my life." Luke says.

"You could always talk to just Cal. I know you guys don't talk like this." Michael says.

"Hey, where's my blade?" Luke suddenly asks.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, whoever has it, throw it away. I never want to see it again." Luke says.

"That's a good idea, I think I'll get rid of mine too." I say. 

"Now, if you two don't mind, I'd like to talk to my boyfriend privately." Luke says.

"Oh boy." I mumble.

"Yeah, no problem."Ash says. Him and Michael leave, closing the door behind them. Luke turns around on my lap to face me, wrapping his legs around my waist. I take his hands, and gently rub with my thumbs.

"When I said thanks, I really meant it. It's really complicated, but I don't actually want to die. Not all the time. Sometimes I do, like earlier. You do help Cal, you help a lot. I don't know, sometimes I just forget how you'd feel because all the bad thoughts just take over, but when I come out of it I know I'd have killed you along with myself." Luke says.

"Baby I'm here for you, I always will be, so are they too. I will always have your back baby, no matter what. I really do want you to talk to me more though. I know I can help you with some of this shit in your life. You help me and all you do is exist." I say. He smiles.

"Please, I know it doesn't hurt you that much anyway, not as much as it hurts me." He says.

"Baby, you have no idea how shitty I feel sometimes. You think I haven't thought about killing myself too? I have, but then you show up and just act like your naturally adorable self, and you just really brighten up my day." I say.

"You've thought about that?" Luke asks.

"Of course I have. Baby you aren't the only one here with depression." I say. At some point I triggered his bad thoughts, which always makes me squirm.

"Then why wouldn't you want to just end it? Don't you recognize a pattern here? Everyday, nonstop, it's the same shit." He says. 

"Sometimes I do want to just end it, but baby, there's more than one pattern." I say.

"There is?" He asks.

"Yup. Everyday, nonstop, we're together. And when we're together I feel indestructible because I have you by my side." I say. I let him think about that one for a bit, and he squeezes my hands when he's figured it out.

"How can you think about suicide if you feel indestructible with me?" He asks.

"Because just like you I have my bad days. Those days where it seems the bad will never end and the good will never be enough to stop it." I say.

"How come we've never talked like this before? You make a lot of sense." He says.

"We've never talked like this because you were afraid to. I mean, I think I should be the one asking you that question." I say. He squeezes my hands again, but this time it's because he needs some support. I bring his hands up to my lips and kiss them, and then put them together and rub them with my hands.

"I just, I guess I thought you wouldn't understand. If you didn't understand you wouldn't be able to help, and then I'd just feel more lost." He says.

"Well baby, how were you ever gonna find out if you never asked?" I ask.

"I don't know. That's why the other day I kinda tried talking to you for the first time. Like, really talking. I was just too afraid to talk about what I really needed to talk about." He says.

"Just know baby, everything you're feeling or were feeling, that I've felt it too. I've felt like everything is hopeless and that nothing will ever change. I thought that for two straight years, but then something changed." I say. He blushes because he knows I'm talking about him.

"Yes baby, it changed when I found you. I found you hurt and alone, and I realized I wasn't the only person that felt exactly like that. I knew just by looking at you that there was something in you that would make me feel better, at that moment I knew I had to take a chance. If we hadn't worked out I probably wouldn't be here." I say.

"Neither would I." He says quietly. 

"Your life has changed now hasn't it? It's not the same as it was a year ago." I say.

"Yeah." He says. I lean forward and wrap my arms around him.

"Don't you see that all this stuff will fade away once we're done with school? This is just stupid highschool drama. It will end." I say.

"I sure hope it does." He says.

"It will, and I will be with you until then and after then. Forever." I say.

"Thanks Cal, I think this talk has been long overdue." Luke says.

"Yes it has, now, lets figure out how to explain me disappearing from the hospital." I grin.

"Lets do that later, I want to hug you until I feel better." He says, wrapping his arms around me.

"I like your plan better." I say.

***


	18. Chapter Seventeen: We both know life sucks ass

Chapter Seventeen (long again soz)

***

CALUM POV

**5am, March 13th**

I feel my body being searched, and slowly open my eyes. It's so early what the fuck. I see Luke still fast asleep in my arms, but find Ashton searching my pockets. He pulls my blade out of my pocket, making my arms burn.

"What are you doing?" I ask quietly.

"Oops, sorry. I have to go watch my siblings and I'm getting rid of your blades. Also, do you have a lighter?" Ash asks me. 

"Uh, no." I say.

"Ok, go back to sleep, Michael is still asleep on the floor, don't step on him." Ashton says. Ashton leaves the room, and I notice how dark it is. I look at the windows and see that the blinds are completely closed. I normally keep them open a crack. I carefully remove my arms from around Luke, and climb out of my bed. I carefully step around Michael, and raise the blinds a tad. Michael groans from the ground, and rolls over to look at me.

"Do you mind?" He asks.

"My blinds, they stay where I put them." I say. He groans, and pulls the blanket over his head. I glance at Luke, who is out cold still, and then sit down on the floor next to Michael. Michael groans again, feeling my presence. I lay on top of him, and pull the blankets down so I can see him.

"What do you want?" He asks me.

"I want to talk to you." I say. He clicks his phone on and groans at the time.

"Cal, go back to bed." He pulls the blanket back up.

"But Mikey, I need to talk to you before Luke wakes up." I say, nuzzling my face into his neck.

"About what?" His muffled voice comes out from the blanket. 

"I want to ask you about your, uh, your-"

"My issues?" He asks.

"Yeah." I say. He goes to push me off but I cling on.

"I'm crippled! Be careful." I whisper shout at him. He lets me slide off and sit up. He sits up across from me, and his hair is so fucked up I have to laugh. He glares at me and runs a hand through his hair. I reach forward and fix his hair best I can. He smacks my hand away, and I pout. 

"Don't touch my hair." He mutters.

"Actually I have another question." I say.

"What?" He asks, sounding very annoyed. 

"Do you still like me?" I ask. He stares at me, not expecting that question.

"I mean, kinda, not as much as before." He finally says. 

"Oh, sorry for fixing your hair then." I say. It probably seemed really cute if you looked at it the wrong way.

"Anyways, so what exactly is it like to binge eat?" I ask. 

"I don't really know. I just eat so much food at once and it makes me feel like I'm gonna die. But it's also, like, good because I'm not starving at that moment. Then I make myself throw up because food is gross." Michael says. I just stare at him while I try to figure it out.

"I'm not gonna lie, that makes no sense. Then again cutting probably makes no sense to you." I say. 

"Yup." He says.

"Do you want to know why we didn't work?" I ask.

"Um, sure." He says.

"You tried to protect me from the world." I say.

"I did?" He asks. 

"Yeah. It was weird too. Like, obviously there are things I can tell Luke that he understands and you didn't. Besides, how was I supposed to date you when I couldn't tell you about this?" I ask, pointing to my arm.

"I guess it makes sense. I didn't know how to tell you either." He says.

"Besides, death talk probably would've creeped you out. Or made you protect me even more." I say.

"Yeah." He shrugs.

"Well anyways, other than me, do you have eyes on anybody?" I ask. 

"Uh, kinda?" He says.

"Oo who? Girl or guy?" I ask.

"Girl." He says.

"Now the who." I say. I'm grinning because this is really exciting. It's fun to talk about stuff that isn't depressing.

"Um... It's weird." He says.

"Do I know them?" I ask.

"Yes." He says.

"Who?" I ask again.

"I can't tell you. It's weird." He says.

"Weird how?" I ask.

"You saw them last week." He says, looking away.

"Danae?" I ask. He nods slightly. 

"Oo that is weird, but still super cute." I say.

"We're so different, and she's four years older than me." Michael says.

"Please four years isn't that big of a gap." I say.

"She doesn't like me though." Michael says.

"Did you ask her?" I ask.

"Uh, no." He says.

"Then how do you know she doesn't like you?" I ask.

"Because she doesn't act like she likes me." He says.

"That doesn't mean anything." I say.

"Yes it does." He says.

"Luke and I didn't like each other until we got to know each other better. I still started dating him the day we found out we liked each other." I say.

"But that's because you have stuff in common." Michael says.

"Ok, how will you know if you and Danae have stuff in common if you don't find out?" I ask.

"It's weird, just forget it." Michael says. He then lays down and hides under the blankets again. 

"Excuse me, that conversation was not over." I say, climbing onto his stomach.

"Cal." He groans. I pull the blanket down to show his eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"Go away." He says. I bring my face closer to his.

"No." I grin.

"Cal seriously go or I will grab you and kiss you." Michael says. 

"Ew, no." I say. I don't move, so he starts moving to grab me.

"I can't move that fast stop!" I say, getting up as fast as I can. Luke snickers from the bed, making both of us look over.

"Problem?" I ask, putting a hand on my hip.

"You two are idiots." He says.

"Yeah but I'm the smartest in the school, so what does that make you?" I ask, walking over to him.

"He got you there." Michael says. Luke sticks his tongue out. 

"Michael look away a sec." I say. Michael pulls the blankets back up.

"Morning baby." I lean down and kiss Luke's soft lips.

"Morning. Why are you two awake at six in the morning?" Luke asks. Michael lowers the blankets now.

"Ashton woke me up and I woke up Michael while fixing the blinds. Why are you up?" I ask.

"Because you two are down there gossiping like girls. You're loud." He says.

"Oops. Sorry." I grin.

"I wasn't actually gonna kiss him if he didn't move." Michael says.

"Yes you were, I wouldn't have cared, Cal would've been the one not smart enough to move." Luke says. I see Michael mutter a few swears.

"Would you have been mad at Cal?" Michael asks.

"No, he'd be freaked out enough, I'd just call him an idiot." Luke grins. I glare at both of them.

"You get no more kisses today." I say to Luke.

"Well you get no more kisses either then, you're punishing yourself too." He smirks. 

"You suck." I groan. Luke makes a fucked up gesture, so I smack him.

"You know what I just realized?" I say, flopping down on top of Luke.

"That you're laying on everyone?" Michael asks. I flip him off.

"No, that my chest cast is gone." I say.

"You mean they didn't put one on the whole time I-I- you know." Luke says, being pained just thinking it.

"Apparently." I say.

"Well you aren't dying, so you're fine." Michael says.

"Mate." Luke says.

"What? I'm not limiting words from my vocabulary for you." He says.

"Michael." I say.

"He can't live his life avoiding words." Michael says. God, jealous much? 

"Go give him a hug, carefully." Luke whispers to me. I push myself up, and go over to Michael again. I lower myself to the ground, and then lay down. I wrap my arms around him, giving him a big hug.

"Come on Michael, be nice, please?" I ask. 

"Fine." He mumbles. I kiss his cheek, grin at him, and then get up.

"Cal, you are so weird." Luke says to me, sitting up on the bed. I go over and climb onto his lap. 

"Do you have like a need to sit on people?" Michael asks me.

"It makes me feel more connected." I say. 

"And he loves being touched." Luke wraps his arms around me. Michael fake gags when I turn and kiss Luke.

"So mature Michael. Hey, you were listening to us, he should totally ask out Danae, right?" I ask Luke, rubbing his thigh.

"Yes, Michael you will never find out if she likes you if you don't grow a pair and ask her." Luke says.

"It could be said in nicer words but yes." I say. Luke shrugs, and then kisses my neck a bit.

"Can you not suck face while we're having a conversation? It's weird, gross, and making me really jealous." Michael says. 

"Sorry." I reach back and smack Luke's head away with my cast.

"Ow, watch it with that thing." He says, rubbing his nose.

"I'm not gonna ask her anything, and don't you go asking her either." Michael says. He then gets up and throws the blanket at us.

"I need a ride home." Michael says. 

"Ask my mum." I say. Michael rolls his eyes and walks out.

"You have no idea how badly it looked like you were flirting with him earlier." Luke says to me. 

"Oh, really? Shit." I say. 

"He'll get over it." Luke says.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" I ask.

"No, of course not. You didn't do anything." He says.

"Well ok. Want to make out?" I ask. I turn and straddle his legs.

"Woah, really?" He asks. I lean forward and prop my arms against the wall.

"Uh, yeah." I say. His hands move to my hips. I connect our lips, and kiss him really hard.

"Ugh, guys." Michael covers his eyes when he walks in.

"I thought you left?" I back off from Luke.

"Your mum said she had to stay to keep an eye on you." Michael says.

"Mum!" I call out. Michael steps out of the way, and she appears within seconds.

"Michael lives ten minutes away, I think I can survive twenty minutes." I say. I them remember I'm straddling Luke and his hands are on my hips and turn bright red.

"What am I looking at?" My mum asks me. 

"Your son and his boyfriend about to make out." Michael smirks. I hide my face in Luke's chest. His chest vibrates from laughter so I smack him with my cast again.

"Fine, behave and don't hurt yourself, I'll be back soon." My mum says.

"Thanks mum." I sit back up. She leaves with Michael, and I turn my attention back to Luke. 

"Jerk." I shove him a bit. He grins, moving his hands to my ass.

"What?" He asks. I smack him again. I grab his head and pull his head closer. I attach our lips and kiss him deeply.

"Man, you are really needy for this time in the morning." Luke says, breaking off the kiss. Can you not?

"Why don't you want to make out?" I ask.

"I'm tired, I'm not in the mood, and I'm extra not in the mood." He says.

"Fine." I whine. 

"Thank you for the morning kisses though." He says.

"My pleasure baby." I say, kissing his lips once more. 

"So..." He trails off. I wish he would talk about it. Apparently he can read minds, because he grabs my hands and squeezes.

"It's too early." He pouts.

"Sorry, blame Ash." I say. He squeezes my hands tighter.

"Why does life suck?" He asks me.

"Because we listen to the people that go out of their way to bully us." I say. 

"Do you think life sucks?" Luke asks.

"Sometimes." I say. 

"Why don't you understand?" He closes his eyes.

"You asked me two questions, you didn't even give me a chance." I pout. 

"Last night you made it sound like you've been through this." Luke opens his eyes again.

"I have been through this. I know it sucks, I know everything seems pointless, I know all this, but I know it can get better. It won't get a shit ton better, but it will get better. Sometimes it'll get worse again, but it will get better in the end." I say.

"God, you've only told me that hundreds of times." He says. Tears come to my eyes even though I don't want them to. 

"Hey, no, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, I'm having a really hard time talking about this." He says. He lets go of one of my hands, and wipes under my eyes with his thumb. 

"I just want you to tell me what you're feeling and why. I don't want to discuss life because we both know life sucks ass." I say. He squeezes my hands again really tightly.

"I feel really fucking sad because my life is falling to pieces around me. You get hit by a car, you nearly die from a punctured lung, you expect me to be ok but I'm not-"

"Stop. I never ever expected you to be ok. I wanted you to be ok, but even I know you don't always get what you want." I say.

"Really?" He asks.

"Yes really." I say. I gently squeeze his hands to get him to continue.

"I'm mad, no scratch that, I'm furious. I'm mad at myself, I'm mad at you, I'm mad at Michael, I'm mad at the douchbag that started this, I'm mad at everything." He says. He's mad at me?

"Why are you mad at me?" I ask.

"That's the third thing, I'm confused. I'm really fucking confused. I don't know why I'm mad at you or Michael or anyone other than myself and Jai. I'm just so mad at everything and I don't know why." He says. 

"Ok... Anything else?" I ask. He thinks for a bit, and then squeezes my hands with a shrug. 

"I guess I'm a tiny bit happy, not enough to do anything but it's a feeling." He says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you saved my life again, because you risked your own life for mine. You woke me up with kisses and smiles and I was happy for a little bit." He says.

"You are happy I saved your life?" I ask.

"Yeah, that's probably part of the reason I'm mad at you though." He says. 

"Well, do you feel better now?" I ask. He thinks on it for a minute, and then finally nods.

"Yeah, I feel lighter." He says.

"Good, now would you like some more kisses?" I ask. He reaches up and strokes my cheek.

"Yes please." He says. I lean in and kiss him, and he gives me a real kiss back.

"Woah." He says when I back off a bit. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Nothing, you're just a really good kisser." He smiles at me. I kiss him again, and then move down to his jaw. While I kiss him, Luke moves one of my hands down to the growing bulge in his pants. 

"Cal promise me something." Luke suddenly says, lifting my head up so I will look at him.

"Anything." I say.

"Don't let me die a virgin." He says.

"You're an idiot babe, but I promise I won't let you die a virgin." I say, kissing his lips to seal my promise. He kisses back deeply, and I even slip some tongue in. He is the best kisser ever. I kiss along his jaw to his ear, and gently nip at the skin. Using my one hand I undo the button and zipper on his pants. I start kissing down his neck, leaving little nips here and there.

"And oral sex does not count." Luke says. 

"I know what you meant." I say, glancing up at him. 

I glance down to where my hand is, and see how hard he is. I smirk to myself, knowing I'm the one that did that. I pull my eyes away and continue kissing his neck. While I kiss his neck I slide his pants down a little, and then move his boxers down some. I move back up to his lips, and kiss him roughly. I bring my hand closer, and then carefully wrap my fingers around him. A small gasp emits from his mouth. Luke suddenly grabs me and forces me to sit up.

"Catch your breath." He says. I didn't even realize that I couldn't breathe.

"Your dick is so distracting." I mumble. He blushes bright red, looking down at where my hand is. I unwrap my fingers, and instead gently stroke him. He bites his lip, discovering a new lip ring. 

"What the? Did you?" He points to his lip, prying his eyes away to look at me. 

"Yeah, last night before I fell asleep." I say.

"Oh, thanks." He smiles at me. I drag my fingers up him, making him gasp. 

"Boys? There better not be anything weird going on when I open this door." My mum says, knocking on my door. Luke spins me around and keeps me on his lap to hide himself. His dick is pressing into my lower back, I can't think. My mum opens the door, and I know the blush on our faces totally gives us away.

"Calum." My mum crosses her arms.

"What?" I ask. Luke decides to help, and by help I mean torture me more. He moves my shirt so his dick is actually touching my back. Like, skin on skin now. I swing back at him with my casted arm, but he grabs my arm and lowers it.

"Behave. Luke, don't hurt him and don't let him hurt himself." My mum says. I turn bright red while Luke chuckles. My mum turns the lock on my door and then leaves, making sure it's locked. 

"She locked the door." Luke snickers. I turn around in his lap and glare at him.

"What?" He asks innocently. I scoot down his legs a bit, put my hands on his hips and move my head down. So I've never done this before, but I am so gonna deep throat him. 

"Cal, no." Luke moves my head away.

"Aw why not?" I pout.

"Because you've never done it before." He says.

"Well, I mean, I've never, like, deep throated anyone." I say.

"Ok, who's dick did you suck?" Luke crosses his arms. 

"Er... Well I've only dated one other person..." I trail off.

"You sucked Michael's dick?" Luke asks.

"Well, yeah." I say.

"Fine, don't choke." Luke pushes my head back down. Reasons he is awesome right there.

***


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Tears, morons, and cigarette lighters?

Chapter Eighteen

***

LUKE POV

**12pm, March 13th**

Stupid fucking Jai with his stupid fucking car and his stupid fucking whore. Fuck him, and not in a nice way. Fuck his stupid fucking words too. Fuck his stupid fucking parents for being fucking loaded and fucking bailing him out of fucking jail. He only ran over my fucking boyfriend. He only nearly fucking killed my fucking boyfriend. Fuck him and fuck his life, and fuck my life while you're at it too. Oh wait, you fucking already have.

"Babe?" Calum asks me, touching my arm.

"What?" I snap and immediately regret it.

"Are you ok?" He asks slowly.

"Life fucking sucks." I huff.

"Do you want a hug?" He asks.

"Don't touch me." I say. He backs off a bit.

"Well, will you talk about it?" He asks.

"I'm mad." I say.

"Yeah, I picked up on that." He says.

"Fuck Jai and his stupid fucking life." I say. A flash of realization passes across his face.

"He can't get us here." Cal says.

"He already has." I say.

"Babe, last time he was here he got arrested." Cal says.

"Last time he was here he called us names and strangled me." I say. Calum carefully brings his hands to mine, and I respond by squeezing really tightly.

"Babe, our parents have restraining orders on them. If he is caught within eyesight of us he gets sent back to jail without bail." Cal says.

"Yeah, that doesn't stop his whore." I say. 

"Restraining order on her too. And they can't text us or have any of their friends text us or talk to us." Cal says.

"Ok, why didn't your mum say all this an hour ago when she told us he was let out?" I ask.

"She did." Cal says. Oh.

"Well I'm still mad at him." I mumble. Calum grins at me, and leans over to kiss me.

"You taste like dick." I say with a smirk.

"I give you one blow job and I will never live it down." Cal says.

"Hey, next time I'll shake my booty at you and see what you can do with that." I grin. He smacks my chest with his cast.

"Ow, stop hitting me with that thing." I grab his arm.

"Stop bringing it on yourself." He sticks his tongue out. I lean forward and whisper in his ear.

"Seriously though, you taste like dick and it's amazing." I whisper to him.

"You like the way you taste? That makes two of us." He whispers back.

"Look at you learning to talk sexy, you're growing up." I back away to where I was.

"Says the fifteen year old. Who taught you huh?" He asks me.

"Not gonna lie, I read a lot of weird books when I was younger." I say.

"Oh yeah?" Cal asks.

"And you can actually learn a lot from video games." I say.

"What video games do you play? Sexy Time Simulator?" Cal asks me.

"No. Oh god. If that was a game I would totally play it though." I say.

"With me though right?" Cal asks me.

"Well you need to be educated somehow." I grin.

"Don't you notice that when you tell me what you're feeling that you feel better after?" Cal asks me.

"Kinda, you just kinda keep my mind off of it once I get it out there." I say.

"But you still feel better." Cal says. 

"Sure." I say.

"You just don't want me to be right." Cal says.

"Pshhh who says that?" I ask. He smacks me with his cast again.

"Fine fine, you do make me feel better, life still sucks though." I say.

"Well I know that, I just wanted you to admit it." Cal grins. I turn and lay down on the couch, my head resting on his lap.

"Hello there." Cal says to me, looking down at me.

"Hi." I say. He uses his good hand and runs his fingers through my hair. Mm, that feels good. I close my eyes and let him pet my head.

"Can I ask you something?" Cal asks me.

"About what?" I ask.

"About yesterday." He says. The mention of it makes my stomach go sour. I squirm a bit, but eventually nod. 

"Why did you only slice one wrist?" He asks me. I don't like the question. My squirming and evasion of eye contact shows Calum my discomfort. 

"I don't like overlapping fresh cuts. There was no room. I never thought I'd be OCD about cutting." I say. He gently grabs my arm by the elbow, and pushes my sleeve up. He looks at my arm, seeming surprised there's no room for any new cuts.

"I don't want to limit one of the only things that keeps you sane, but I'm seriously really worried about you." Cal says to me. I take my arm back and push my sleeve down.

"Don't worry about me, I'm not worth the energy." I say.

"Why do you say stuff like that? If you weren't worth it then why am I still here. Why did I risk my life to save yours? You really think I'd do all that if you weren't worth it?" Cal asks me.

"Cal, I know you. If you knew someone was going to commit suicide you'd do anything to help them, even if you didn't know them." I say.

"That's not true actually." He mumbles.

"What?" I ask.

"I had a friend way before I met you guys who had a sister that killed herself. I didn't talk to her, but I knew she was thinking about that shit. I didn't ask her about it because I didn't want to get involved with something like that. It's heartless, but I only care about people that make a difference in my life. A good difference." He explains. 

"That's really fucked up and depressing." I say.

"Yeah, that's our lives now." He says. That makes me really uneasy. The movie we were watching ends and Cal goes to change the channel. 

"No! It's Mean Girls 2!" I shout, ripping the remote out of his hands.

"Ok, ok, sorry." Cal says when I have him a dirty look. Cal carefully grabs my other arm, but I still flinch away. He backs his hand away, but I offer my arm. He holds my arm up by the elbow and pushes my sleeve up. I keep my eyes trained on the TV, but even I get a little curious. I glance over when Cal is peeling off the bandage.

"Why are you taking that off? I don't want to see what I've done." I say.

"I'm checking to see if it needs to be cleaned." Cal says to me. Well duh, I should've known that.

"Well hurry up." I say. 

"Baby, I want you to look at it." Cal says to me.

"No." I say. 

"Penguin, please look." Cal says to me, stroking my face the best he can with his other hand. His cast is itchy.

"I don't wanna." I bite my lip, feeling my lip ring press into my upper lip.

"If you look I'll give you a kiss." Cal says.

"You could just give me a kiss now so I don't have to look." I say. Cal chuckles, shaking his head.

"You are something else babe. Ok, how about five kisses?" Cal asks.

"How about no kisses and I don't have to look?" I ask. 

"Well I can't kiss you when you're down there anyways, but I will make you sit up." Cal says. I sit up on my own but still don't look. Cal seems puzzled as to why I sat up on my own.

"I wanna have a fair argument about me looking." I shrug.

"Babe, you are such a weirdo." Cal says to me, leaning in and kissing my lips. I kiss back then back away a few inches.

"I'm your weirdo though." I say, kissing him again. 

"Yup, and never forget it." Cal kisses me for a third time. 

I lift my hand to stroke his cheek, but my eyes go straight to the cut in my wrist. I'm not sure if he tricked me or if I tricked myself. I was trying to trick him out of making me look, apparently I fucked up at some point. My eyes start getting blurry and I can feel tears start falling from my eyes. Calum puts the bandage back on my arm and wraps his arms around me. Tears trickle down my face and I cry. I cry really fucking hard. I hate crying. I hate being weakened like this. But it feels so good to cry. It feels so good to be in Cal's safe, protective arms. I start hiccuping because I can't breathe.

"Feel better baby?" Cal asks me even though I'm still crying. 

"I'm an idiot." I say, followed by a hiccup. 

"You're not an idiot." Cal says, petting my head. 

"Yes I am." I sniffle.

"Penguin, you are the smartest person I know." Cal says to me.

"Yeah, book smart." I say.

"Not just book smart." He says. I hide my face in his neck, tears still falling down my face.

"Being sad doesn't make you stupid." Cal says to me. 

I stop talking because I can't breathe because I'm hiccuping. Cal lets me just hide in his arms for a while. It takes a while but eventually I stop hiccuping. He rubs my back as the tears falling from my eyes slow. I finally manage to get my arms around him to hug him back. I don't hug him as tightly as I would've liked because I don't want to hurt him. He'd tell me not to do something differently because he's crippled, but I refuse to hurt him. I finally lift my head, and let him wipe my face dry. 

"I was promised five kisses after I looked at it." I say. He rolls his eyes but grins at me. He uses his good hand to stroke my cheek, and leans in to kiss me. Our lips touch and it makes me want to cry again because I have such a great boyfriend.

"Ok, one was enough or I'm gonna cry again." I say when he breaks the kiss off. He chuckles, ruffling my hair. 

"Knock knock?" Ashton knocks on the front door. I groan, but get up and go open the door.

"Are you ok?" Ashton asks me. I snort with laughter. 

"Luke! What did I tell you about being sarcastic?" Calum asks me while I lead Ashton in.

"You told me not to, but come on, those questions are fucking hilarious." I say, sitting down on Calum's lap. 

"So what are you two up to?" Ashton asks, sitting down next to us on the couch.

"Just chilling." Cal says.

"We're watching Mean Girls 2." I add.

"God, you too with the Mean Girls?" Ashton asks me.

"Uh, yeah, it's only the best movie ever." I say.

"I'm picking up Michael in an hour, wanna come with?" Ashton asks us.

"And do what after?" Calum asks. 

"I don't know, head out or something? We could get some food." Ashton says. 

"It's weird how Michael doesn't, like, eat anything." Cal says.

"Yeah, but he'll still come hang with us." Ash says.

"What do you think he thinks about when he sees food?" Calum asks.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Ash says.

"He was asking him about it, but Cal was getting way to close to him." I say.

"According to Luke it looked like I was flirting, which I wasn't, and Michael just got really awkward about it." Cal says.

"He still likes you? After a year and a half later?" Ashton asks.

"Apparently." Cal shrugs. 

"Hey Ash, why do you burn?" I suddenly ask. Ash immediately closes up, not showing signs of telling.

"Sorry, forget I asked." I look away.

"Life at home is just really difficult, and your bullies also come after me." Ashton says. Cal covers both our mouths before Ashton can say more about my bullies that would lead to me bitching about Jai again.

"Please for the love of god don't bring up Jai. Ash, he was just so pissed off, you have no idea." Cal says. He removes his hands and wraps his arms around me. 

"We can go get food now before I have to get Michael." Ashton says.

"We could just text him and ask him. Why should we think any differently than we did before? He's the same person." I say. Ashton kinda stares at me like I'm a genius, and I can guarantee Cal has the same expression.

"You two are morons." I say, pulling out my phone. 

Me: you wanna get some with food with us once you get out of hell?

Michael: hell?

Me: yeah hell, oh sorry, misspelled school

Michael: lol, sure I'll come

Me: k

"See, you two are idiots." I say, locking my phone and setting it on my lap.

"Ok, we get it." Cal says.

"Do you?" I ask.

"No." Cal mumbles.

"Don't you think Michael would be offended if we treated him differently because he told us something concerning about himself? He'd never tell us anything ever again." I say.

"Oh." Cal says. 

"Wow babe, honestly thought you were smarter than that." I say. He smacks me in the back with his cast.

"It's ok Cal, I was completely lost too." Ash grins at my pain. 

"Well, we have thirty minutes until he gets out." I say.

"Lets go, we can wait in the parking lot." Ash says. I get up, and turn around to pull Cal up. He blushes when I hold my hands out for him. He is so freaking adorable. I pull him up, and then hold his good hand. Unfortunately I have to do this with my bad arm and our wrists are touching because our fingers are linked.

"I get it, you two are cute, please don't discuss blow jobs or rim jobs in my car again." Ashton says. Calum instantly blushes and I laugh.

"I thought you two were virgins?" Ashton asks.

"Oral sex doesn't count. Unless dicks have gone in asses it don't count." I say. 

"So you guys have had oral sex?" Ashton asks.

"Oh yeah, but Cal did it for the first time last night. He's all grown up now." I say, reaching over and pinching Cal's cheek. He bites at my hand and actually gets my finger.

"Ow! Let go!" I shout. He lets go and licks my finger. I wipe my hand on his shirt. 

"Ok, ok, lets go." Ashton shakes his head. We follow him out and both of us climb in the back. 

"So wait, we never decided where we're getting food." I say while Ash pulls out of the driveway.

"Can you buckle up?" Ashton asks.

"Oh, sorry." I say pulling the strap over me and clicking it in. 

"Um..." Cal says. 

"Oh, your chest." Ash remembers.

"Here do this." I say, pulling the strap over Cal. I click it in and then put the chest strap behind him.

"Ok." Ash says. 

"Ok, where are we eating?" I ask. 

"I don't know." Ash says.

"We can, well, I guess we can let Michael choose." Cal says.

"See, don't let new information change your thought process." I say to Cal. 

"Yeah yeah." He says.

"Ok, Ash I seriously need to ask you this because it is really bugging me." I say.

"Oh god." Ash responds.

"What does it feel like when you burn yourself?" I ask.

"Luke! Don't ask him that while he's driving!" Cal scolds me.

"It's fine Calum. And it hurts a lot, but in a good way." Ash says.

"Does it feel like your skin is melting off?" I ask.

"I guess." He says.

"What's the worst burn you've ever made?" I ask. 

"Second degree, had to go to the hospital for it." Ash says.

"What'd they say?" I ask.

"They asked how it happened and I said I was working on my car and touched something hot." Ash says.

"Did they believe you?" I ask.

"No." He says.

"What happened?" I ask. 

"They sent me for a psych evaluation and I passed with flying colors, then they believed me." Ash says.

"How'd you pass?" I ask.

"Because I lied out of my ass." He says.

"Oh. Do you ever crave to burn yourself?" I ask next.

"Sure." He says.

"Is that why you asked if I had a lighter?" Cal asks.

"Yeah, it's fine, I used the cigarette lighter in here." Ash says.

"Ew. Sorry." I say. He shrugs.

"I'd ask you why you cut, but you probably don't want to think about that right now." Ashton asks.

"It's-"

"No." Cal says to me. I think back to how I had been crying before Ashton showed up, and consider not explaining it right now is a good idea.

"Maybe another time Ash." I say.

"It's fine." Ash says. We pull up to the school, and my stomach goes sour. I can see his car. I can see the dent in the bumper. I think I'm going to throw up.

***


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Semi-decent stalker bitch

Chapter Nineteen (longer again)

***

LUKE POV

**3pm, March 13th**

"Ash, park somewhere else." Calum says, pulling my head into his chest. I can still see it. Oh god, I know where he is in the building. What if he sees us? I'm legitimately gonna throw up.

"Ash drive away, now." Calum says. Ash speeds out of the parking lot and down the street until the parking lot is out of sight. I cover my face with my hands, trying to clear my mind.

"There was a dent in is bumper." I tremble. I lift my head up and turn to Cal.

"He hit you so hard he made a dent in his own car." I say, tears forming in my eyes.

"He cared so little that he'd damage his car just to hurt me." I say.

"Stop." Cal says to me, wiping tears off my face.

"He almost killed you! You almost died yesterday!" I shout, tears streaming down my face.

"Ash, ugh never mind, I can't blame you for parking there." Calum says.

"I am so sorry, I don't know what his car looks like." Ash says.

"You can't miss it! There's a huge fucking dent in the bumper from when he ran over my boyfriend!" I shout at Ashton. I break down into sobs, collapsing in Calum's arms. Calum undoes our seat belts so he can hug me better. 

"Sh, baby, it's ok." Cal says to me.

"He ran you over." I sniffle.

"I know baby, I know." Cal says, rubbing my back. I hide in his arms, tears dripping down my face. 

"I'm sorry." Ashton mumbles from up front.

"I know what class he's in." I whimper.

"Stop thinking about him, he isn't worth your time." Cal says to me. He starts kissing my head all over the place, but that doesn't help a whole lot. 

The front passenger door quietly opens, and I lift my head. Michael turns around in his seat, making eye contact with me. He has a black eye. I have a pretty good idea who gave it to him too. It makes me want to throw up again. Scratch that, this time it makes me throw up. I throw open the door, and lean out to throw up in the street. Calum grabs my waist so I don't fall out, and waits for me to finish puking. Michael nudges me with a nearly empty bottle of water and I rinse my mouth out. He then hands me some gum, and I put it in my mouth. Cal pulls me back in, and I close the door. I turn sideways in the tiny seat, lean against Cal, and pull my knees to my chest.

"Fuck life!" I shout. I really needed to get that out.

"I think life has fucked you enough mate." Ashton says. 

"Please, it'll never be satisfied." I say.

"I broke his nose." Michael says. I snap my head up and glare at Michael.

"Don't fight my fights for me." I snap.

"He started with me." Michael says.

"Oh, fine." I mumble, lowering my head.

"So, um, what was going on when I climbed in?" Michael asked. I literally growl in anger, making Cal rub my back with his cast.

"I parked in a bad spot." Ashton says.

"Ah." Michael says.

"I broke down, it was loads of fun, you know? Staring at that dent in his bumper really made my day." I say sardonically.

"Babe, stop." Cal says to me.

"Lets go." I grumble, yanking my seatbelt on and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Are you ok?" Michael asks me.

"Fucking peachy." I say. Calum buckles up the way I did it for him, and Ashton pulls out.

"Ash for the love of god go the long way." Cal says. 

"I should've checked your side of the street." I mumble to Cal.

"I should've looked again." Cal says quietly to me.

"We shouldn't have gone back to the park." I say.

"I got us a couple of subscribers." Cal says. I turn and glare at him.

"And nearly died." I say.

"Can't you look on the bright side of things?" Cal asks me.

"I'm a realist, so no." I say.

"Um, can you guys do this later?" Ashton asks.

"Fine, rather me talk about the amazing blow job Cal gave me last night?" I ask. Cal turns bright red and Michael looks away.

"No, sorry." Ashton mumbles. I sigh.

"Sorry Mikey, that was insensitive." I say.

"Yeah, whatever." Michael says.

"Thanks for breaking his nose." I say.

"You're welcome." He says.

"Sorry." I say to Cal. He grabs my hand and squeezes.

"It's ok, we get it." He says to me.

"How do you get it if I don't get it?" I ask.

"Because we're your friends." Cal says.

"Whatever, lets get some food." I say.

"Oh yeah, Michael you're choosing where to go." Ashton says to Michael.

"Me? Really?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah. Why should we treat you different because of new information?" I ask.

"Valid point." Michael nods.

"Anywhere you want. Do you know a place with sexy food you can stare at?" I ask.

"Too far." Michael says to me.

"I'm trying to make myself feel better, sorry." I say, admitting defeat.

"It's fine, just don't joke about food." Michael says. 

"Michael, can you hurry up and pick a place?" Ashton asks.

"Uh, Alfred's?" Michael says.

"Yes! I would kill for some Italian." I cheer.

"Well, ok." Calum says.

"I like the breadsticks, they smell nice." Michael says.

"Oh, so you're more of a smell person than a sight person, I get ya." I say to Michael who rolls his eyes at me. Ashton starts the drive there, and at some point Calum covers my eyes.

"Where is he?" I ask.

"Michael pick a different restaurant." Ashton says.

"I don't know, a pizza place." Michael says.

"I see we're on an Italian mission." I say. Cal finally removes his arm, and I look around. Alfred's is way out of sight now. 

"Michael if you broke his nose wouldn't he be in the hospital?" I ask.

"Well I thought I broke it. It was gushing blood and it sure felt like it broke." Michael says. I run a hand through my hair, resisting the urge to punch something. Cal grabs my hand and rubs the back of my arm.

"Thanks baby." I say quietly to Cal. Cal lifts my hand up and kisses the palm of my hand. I hold his hand a little too tightly, and he wiggles his hand a little. I loosen my grip a bit because I don't want to hurt him. My eyes lock onto the car that just pulled in front of us, and I'm the only one that recognizes it as Aliyah's car.

"Aliyah just pulled on ahead of us. I mutter to Cal. Cal peers closer, and then whispers something to Ash.

"Can we just give up and go home?" I ask.

"Not yet baby, just one more place." Cal says to me. I groan. We go a little farther with her ahead of us, and it makes me really uneasy.

"Can we please for the love of god not be behind her?" I ask. Ash turns off, and I feel safer. A few minutes pass and then we park at one of the cities many pizza places. Literally everyone turns to look at me.

"Can you not?" I ask.

"Sorry." They say. We get out of the car and head into the pizza place. 

"I'll pay, what do you guys want?" Michael asks us. 

"Can we pretty please put mushrooms on it?" I ask.

"Ew, fine." Ash says. 

"Mushroom and onion." Cal says to Michael.

"Do you guys want drinks?" Michael asks, nodding towards the drink cooler. I go over and grab a ginger ale.

"In case I see someone I want dead again." I say. Cal rolls his eyes at me.

"Ok, well you guys can go find a seat." Michael takes the soda from me. We go find a table to sit at, and once we sit down they both stare at me.

"I'll punch both of you if you don't stop staring at me." I say. Ashton looks away, but Cal doesn't. He knows I wouldn't punch my crippled boyfriend who almost died yesterday. He scoots his chair closer to me, and then pulls mine the rest of the way. Michael comes over and sets my soda in front of me. He then claims his seat on my left. Calum grabs my soda before I can, opens it, and takes a drink. He then hands it to me, and grins innocently.

"I could've gotten you something." Michael says to Cal.

"Nah, I'm fine." Cal says. I flick his forehead, and then take a drink from my soda. 

"So, what did you two do all day?" Michael asks us while we wait.

"Watched movies and cried." I say. 

"What movies?" Michael asks.

"Easy A, Pitch Perfect, Warm Bodies and Mean Girls 2." Calum lists.

"Nice choices." Michael nods. 

"And Ash, how was babysitting?" I turn to Ash.

"I watched children's cartoons and and changed diapers." Ash says.

"Ew." I state.

"It's ok, they fell asleep eventually. Then I went to my room and... did stuff." He says.

"Stuff?" I ask, shaking my arm.

"Yeah stuff." Ash nods. Someone comes over with our pizza, and it gets set in the middle of the table. Michael pulls a slice out faster than I can cap my bottle. 

"We should've got two." He says through a mouthful.

"Apparently." I say. The rest of us grab a slice and eat the warm pizza.

"Food makes everything better." I grin.

"I'll keep that in mind." Cal says to me. I take a drink from my soda, and then work on the crust. Michael grabs another slice and starts eating it really fast.

"I'll go order another pizza." Cal says, getting to his feet.

"Get the same toppings." Ash says. Cal nods, and then offers a hand to me. I take his hand and go with him.

"Guess that's what binge eating is like. He is inhaling that pizza." Cal whispers to me.

"Just to throw it back up, what's the point?" I ask quietly. Cal shrugs. Cal orders another pizza and gets soda for himself and the others. We head back over the table and sit down.

"Pizza is so good." Michael says through a mouthful. 

"That's because it's hard to mess up a pizza." Cal says.

"Actually it's relatively easy, you just have to put pineapple or sardines on it." Ashton says.

"Yeah Cal, geez, thought you were smarter than that." I grin. Michael grins along with us, reaching for his third or fourth slice. Does he even make himself throw up? I would puke if I ate that much pizza at once. 

"Michael, slow down before you choke." Calum says. Michael gives Calum a look. 

Cal and I both reach for the last slice, and eye each other. Michael reaches past us and grabs it with his free hand. Cal and I both glare at Michael. He shrugs at us. The second pizza is brought over and put in place of where the first had been. We all grab a slice except for Michael who is still working on the one he stole from Cal and I. We happily munch on our food, watching Michael who is slowing down now. Michael grabs what seems to be his last slice and starts eating it.

"Can I bring the leftovers back to my place?" Ashton asks.

"Sure." I say.

"Well, do you guys want anymore?" Ashton asks.

"Michael wants another slice." Michael says, grabbing one last slice.

"Dude, don't talk in third person." Cal says.

"Michael does what he wants." Michael grins. We all roll our eyes at him. Ashton closes up the box.

"You done?" We ask Michael as he drinks his soda.

"Yeah." He says. We head out to Ashton's car, and parked next to us is Aliyah. She is sitting in her car, talking on her phone, oblivious to the world around her. Oblivious until her eyes land on me and a smirk twitches on her face.

"Is she breaking the restraining order?" I ask Cal.

"I think so. Ash or Mikey, take a picture of her parked next to us." Cal says. Michael pulls his phone out and takes a picture. This captures her full attention. She tosses her phone down and gets out of her car.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asks Michael, walking up to us.

"Getting pictures for the police because those two have a restraining order on you and you were waiting in your car for us to come out." Michael says, now recording the exchange.

"I was not, I ordered a pizza and was waiting in my car." Aliyah says.

"Oh really? So if I go in there and ask if there was a pizza ordered using your name or any of your friends' names they will say yes?" I ask. 

"Yeah." She says, sticking to her story.

"Ash, come with me." I say. Ash and I walk back into the pizza place and up to the register.

"Was there a pizza order under the name of Aliyah Portman?" I ask the person at the counter. 

"No one's ordered a pizza since you guys have." The guys says. 

"Can I get that in writing? I have a restraining order on someone and they were waiting parked next to our car and are claiming they ordered a pizza." I say.

"Yeah sure." He says. He pulls out a piece of paper and writes down what he said with his name.

"Here you go." He hands it to me.

"Thanks." I take it. Ashton and I walk back out where Aliyah is yelling at Michael.

"Hm, seems you're lying and broke the restraining order. Cal, call the cops." I say. Aliyah is now really flustered.

"One chance, own up to it or we call the cops." Calum says to her. 

"What? Cal call the cops or I will." I say.

"Go ahead and call the cops, because nobody told me there was a restraining order." Aliyah says.

"Well we could still get you on stalking and harassment." Cal says. I pull out my phone, but Cal grabs it from me. He steps away and calls the cops.

"That guy in there is lying." She says.

"I have it in writing." I say.

"Show me it." She demands.

"No way, I'm not stupid." I say.

"You sure about that?" She asks.

"Yes actually, 5.10 gpa, honor role bitch." I say. She glares at me, but I can see her lips twitch in a grin.

"What's so funny? You realize you're going to jail, right?" I ask.

"You used a video game quote." She says. Ok, so she knows what Until Dawn is, I still hate her guts.

"I'm surprised you know what a video game is." I say.

"Please, you don't know me." She says.

"Don't want to either." I say. Cal comes back over, handing me my phone. 

"Don't give me shit later about not giving her a chance, she had her chance before we went in to ask." I say to Cal.

"I won't, I mean, she did have her boyfriend run me over." Cal says to her. She grows quiet at this.

"I didn't tell him to run you over, I told him to give Luke an ass whooping." She says.

"That's bullying and assault." I say.

"Well I didn't care at the time, not until he ran Calum over. I mean, a few bruises are one thing, nearly killing someone is another." She says.

"Well at least you have some sort of sense unlike your boy toy." I say. The police cruiser pulls onto the road with lights flashing.

"Oh, and I still hate you. Get hit by a bus." She turns mean again. God I hate women, there's a reason I'm gay. She then walks over to the police cruiser and gets in on her own. I go over with Michael who has the whole conversation on video. 

"I have a written statement from the person in the pizza place because she claimed she was here to get a pizza but he said no one has ordered one since we did." I say to the officer, handing him the sheet of paper.

"I also have a video of the entire exchange." Michael says.

"Ok, here is an email you can send the video to, we will take care of this." The cop says, writing down an email on the edge of the paper and ripping it off to give us.

"Thank you, have a good afternoon." I say.

"You too, be safe." He says, shaking our hands. We go back to the others and get in the car.

"I'm amazed you held it together so well." Cal says to me.

"I really wanted to cry or punch her in the face." I say.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't punch her in the face." Cal says.

"I like how she turned into a decent person at the end until the cops showed up." Ashton says.

"Yeah I know." I say.

"Can you drop me off at my place?" Michael asks. 

"So you can throw up?" I ask.

"Luke! Insensitive." Cal punches me in the arm.

"Cal it's fine, he's just curious, we'll all get used to everything soon." Michael says. 

"And yes, but I also have homework." Michael says to me. I nod.

"Speaking of homework, we are gonna do two weeks worth of work tomorrow." Cal says to me. 

"Ugh." I groan.

"It's fast and easy, don't complain." Cal says to me.

"I'm busy tomorrow." Ash says, pulling up to Michael's house.

"See ya." Michael gets out.

"Busy with what?" I ask Ashton.

"I'm going to a party, gonna hook up with a hot girl, then go home and sleep." He says.

"You are so weird." I say.

"Because I'm not a virgin, because I go to parties, or because I hook up with chicks?" Ashton asks.

"Second two." I say.

"Not my fault that you two don't have lives." Ashton says.

"It's not that we don't have lives, it's that we don't want lives." Calum says.

"Well I've gotta get home, see you guys later." Ashton says, stopping in front of Calum's house.

"See ya." We say. We get out and head into the house together. I'm gonna take a nap because life is so frustrating. 

***


	21. Chapter Twenty: Drunken explosions

Chapter Twenty (super long sorry)

***

CALUM POV

**3pm, March 14th**

"Boys? Are you awake?" My mums voice wakes me from a light slumber. I slowly blink my eyes open, being blinded by whatever is in front of my face. Oh... My laptop. Ugh stupid psychology work. I shut my laptop and slowly sit up. 

"What mum?" I ask.

"Do you guys want something to eat?" Mum asks. My eyes move over to Luke who is also asleep.

"Luke." I carefully shake him. He responds with a groan.

"Do you want something to eat?" I ask him. He shakes his head and nudges his face into the side of my chest.

"No, we're good." I yawn.

"The doctor called and told me that your ribs are healed but you have to be careful of the stitches and you shouldn't move too much constantly." My mum says.

"I know how much to move, if my lungs even start to hurt I stop where I am and breathe steadily for a moment." I say.

"Ok, I'm gonna make some brownies because Luke wasn't paying any attention." My mum smiles. She leaves the room and gently closes the door. I should've had her get me the remote.

"Wakey wakey baby." I say to Luke, running my fingers through his hair. He grunts, pressing his face further into my side. 

"Can I have a hug baby?" I ask him.

"Why? What's wrong?" He lifts his head.

"Nothing, I just want a hug from my favorite person." I say. He groans, but sits up to hug me. I hug him tightly and kiss his cheek.

"Have a nice nap?" I ask.

"No, I dreamt about school." He says.

"Oh, was I in your dream?" I ask.

"Yeah, you got ran over in it." He says.

"You are such a downer. We are gonna do something to cheer you up." I state.

"No thanks." He says.

"Lets watch a movie." I say.

"What movie?" He asks.

"Our childhood." I say, getting up. I go over to my box of DVDs and dig around.

"Land Before Time?" Luke asks when I toss him all the movies from the series.

"Hell yeah." I nod.

"Cal, I'm really not in the mood for movies." Luke sighs, pushing them away and laying back down. I take the movies and put them down, and turn on my stereo. I plug in my phone and hit shuffle on All Time Low. I go back over and sit down on my bed.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask. I look over at him, but he shakes his head. His eyes are glossed over and he's biting his lip. I'll let him think on it for a bit before bugging him more. I mouth the words to the song playing, knowing how to play it on bass.

"Cal?" Luke asks. I look over at him, and see he's sat up and wants a hug. I wraps arms around him, letting him bury his face in my neck.

"My poor baby." I whisper, rubbing his back. 

"I knew I should've cried yesterday." He sniffles.

"It's ok, you can cry now." I say. He shakes his head, pulling out of the hug. He wipes under his eyes to get rid of any tears that leaked.

"No, no, I don't want to cry." He shakes his head.

"Penguin hun, that isn't always a choice you can make." I say, reaching out and rubbing his arm. 

"I know, but I don't need to cry right now, I'm sick of crying, I'm gonna run out of tears." He says.

"I don't think you can run out of tears, well, maybe if you were really dehydrated." I say.

"No um, give my a notebook." He says.

"Were you thinking about death?" I ask.

"No, yes, kinda, I don't know." He gives up trying to figure out his thoughts.

"Ok baby." I say. I get up and go grab a notebook and pencil.

"Here, you'll need this too, I'll be right back." I say, handing him that and my guitar. 

"What, where are you going?" He asks me, seeming afraid of being left alone.

"To get my bass out of my car?" I say. He gives me really big sad eyes, and I decide I don't need my bass. 

"Ok, I'll stay." I say. I open my door and lean out.

"Hey mum, can you get my bass out of the trunk of my car?" I ask down the hall to the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure darling, go lay down and rest." My mum says to me. I close my door and turn around. What I find is Luke totally focused on what he's writing, but he is also crying. I return to the bed and sit down next to him. I lean over to see what's he's writing, and it's really heartbreakingly sad.

"I thought you didn't want to cry?" I ask quietly.

"I don't." He says, putting the stuff down. I pass an arm around him and rub his arm. 

"I'd wipe your face dry, but I'd just end up smacking you in the face with my cast." I say. He grins and tries not to laugh. He wipes his face dry, and then turns to hide his face in my neck. I kiss the top of his head and continue rubbing his arm. My mum comes in with my bass and a plate of brownies.

"Aw, look at you two cuties, here." My mum smiles, setting my bass down against my bed and handing me the brownies. She leaves and I turn my head back to Luke. He lifts his head up and grabs a brownie from the plate. He stays leaned against me while he eats his treat.

"Chocolate makes everything better, doesn't it?" I ask Luke. He nods, licking his fingers.

"They're still gooey on the inside." He giggles. 

"That's because my mum knows how to make the best brownies." I say. 

"Can you feed me while I write?" Luke asks with really big puppy eyes. He's so adorable how could I say no?

"Sure." I smile. He picks the notebook back up with the pencil and continues writing. I grab a brownie and inch it closer and closer to his face until he can't see past it. He takes a bite out of the brownie, and I back away some so he can keep writing.

"You know the saying home is where your heart is?" Luke asks me.

"Yeah." I say.

"Am I your home?" He asks me.

"Yes, am I your home?" I ask back. 

"Yeah." He says. We stare at each other for a moment, and he breaks eye contact by taking the rest of the brownie.

"This is called Broken Home because, lets be real here, I'm broken, and technically you're broken too, I mean, look at your arm." Luke flicks my cast.

"You aren't broken." I say.

"Yes I am, but some broken things can be fixed." He says. I lean closer and kiss his cheek.

"You aren't broken, not in my eyes." I say.

"You are just the sweetest person." He says to me, kissing my lips briefly.

"It comes naturally." I grin. He rolls his eyes and flicks my forehead. 

"Hey, you're phone is going off." Luke points out. Oh. I reach over and grab my phone, and answer Ashton's call.

"Hey Ash." I say.

"Cal! Buddy! Hey! Uh... Haha. I lost my keys." Ashton says from the other end. 

"Are you drunk?" I ask, completely shocked.

"No, no, no, uh, I just can't find my keys." He slurs.

"Why are you drunk?" I ask.

"Mate... Cal I'm not drunk, I had, like, one beer. Maybe. Can you pick me up?" He asks. 

"Yeah, where are you?" I ask.

"Uh... Good question." He says.

"He's drunk?" Luke asks me. I nod.

"Oh! Uh, do you Xavier Carlson? Yeah his house. Yo, the hottest girls were there, you have no idea." Ash says. I hear a loud crash and slurred laughter.

"Ashton?" I ask.

"I've gotta go, hurry up mate." He hangs up.

"Babe, do you know who Xavier Carlson is?" I ask Luke. 

"Yeah, but how does Ashton know him? He went to our school." Luke says. 

"You're scared of Xavier." I notice.

"Yeah, I was his freshmen, and not in a friendly way." Luke says.

"Well, do you know where he lives?" I ask. He thinks about it, and suddenly looks like his stomach has just fallen out of his ass.

"He's next door neighbors with Jai." Luke says.

"Do you want to come? You don't have to." I say.

"I-I'll come. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you." He says.

"Well lets go." I get off the bed. I go over to Luke who hasn't moved yet, and offer my hands.

"Babe, you can stay in the car when we get there." I say to him.

"Ok." He says quietly. He takes my hands and I pull him up. I put one hand on his waist and stroke his cheek with my not casted hand.

"You are so strong baby, you don't always have to be, I have your back." I say to him.

"Stop, I don't want to cry again." He says to me, smiling at me.

"Come on then, don't be scared." I say. He nods, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek. He brings our lips together and I kiss him hard enough to give him courage. You know, if that's possible. 

"Better now? Good." I say before he can respond. I let go of him and grab his hand. I pull him out and we sneak past my mum.

"We're going to hang with Ashton!" I call, closing the door. We go to my car and I get in to drive.

"Do you know where he lives?" Luke asks me, getting in next to me.

"Unfortunately I do." I say. Luke pulls out a cord and plugs his phone into my stereo. He starts some music while I start driving.

"Avril Lavigne? Are you kidding babe?" I ask Luke.

"Why you gotta be so complicated?!" Luke sings in response. I shake my head, but sing along with him. Luke taps my arm and then my hand, indicating he wants to hold my hand. I let go of the wheel with one hand and hold his hand. 

"I am in the worst mood today, but you're making me really happy and my brain is really confused." He turns down the music some.

"I'm glad I'm making you happy." I say. 

"Serious question, are you psychic?" Luke asks me.

"Not that I know of." I glance over at him.

"Then explain how you know what I'm thinking before I know what I'm thinking." He says.

"Because I'm you're boyfriend, it's my job to know what you're thinking before you do." I say.

"But I never know what you're thinking before you know." He says.

"Yes you do." I say.

"Yeah? Like when?" He asks.

"You know most of what I say to you before I do." I say.

"That's because you say the same thing over and over again." He says.

"That's because everything I say is constantly true." I say.

"I guess I do know what you'll do when I do stupid stuff." He says.

"Exactly." I say. We pull onto the road, and Luke squeezes my hand so tightly it could fall off. It's ok though. We pull up to the house the party is clearly at, and I park the car.

"I'm gonna go find Ashton, are you gonna stay here?" I turn to Luke. He's just staring at Jai's house in pure horror. 

"Baby?" I squeeze his hand.

"I'm coming with you." He says, prying his eyes away.

"Ok baby." I say. I let go of his hand, and we climb out of the car. We walk side by side into the trashed house where teenagers are passed out everywhere. We wander around the house in search of Ashton and come up empty. 

"Where the fuck is this drunken bastard?" Luke mumbles. 

"Hey." I say quietly to him in a scolding manner. We find our way to the backyard where we find Ashton talking to Xavier.

"Nah ah, no way in hell am I going over there." Luke pulls me to a stop.

"What's the likeliness of him recognizing you? He's stoned and drunk." I say to Luke.

"Cal! Luke! Hey Xavier, meet my bandmates!" Ashton shouts. Luke groans. Ashton drags Xavier over to us, and they both nearly fall over.

"What's up guys!" Xavier waves. He looks at Luke for a moment, but Luke glances away.

"Hey, do I know you?" Xavier asks Luke.

"I don't think so." Luke says.

"You sure? I think we went to school together." Xavier says.

"Nah man, I don't recognize you." Luke says.

"Oh darn, you remind me on this freshmen I totally picked on." Xavier says.

"Cool." Luke says.

"Ash, are we leaving or not?" I ask Ashton.

"Aw... right. Can someone drive my car? I found my keys." Ashton slurs, digging in his pocket. Luke rips his keys from him and storms out.

"Woah, he is pissed." Ashton says.

"Yeah, come on." I grab Ashton by the arm and drag him out. I throw him into my car and follow Luke out.

"Are you a fucking dumbass?" I ask Ashton.

"Uh, no?" He says.

"Why the fuck are you drinking?! You aren't old enough!" I shout at Ashton.

"Oh come on Cal, no one actually cares." Ashton says.

"Ashton, I am so pissed off at you." I say.

"Oh please." He rolls his eyes.

"Fine, you know what? I'm telling your mum." I state.

"No! Don't! For the love of god Calum be reasonable!" He shouts.

"Nope." I say.

"Don't tell her! I won't do it again! Cal don't tell her!" He begs.

"Ashton I'm telling her." I say.

"Cal please! Do you know what she'll do to me?!" Ashton exclaims.

"What will she do?" I ask.

"She'll kick my ass! She will literally beat my ass!" He shouts, now crying. Wait what?

"Ash... Does your mum beat you?" I ask slowly.

"No, yes, no I didn't say yes. No." He says.

"Ashton, is that why you burn?" I ask. He nods with tears streaming down his face.

"Don't tell her Cal, please." He says. Honesty think he cried out all the alcohol.

"Ash, that is really fucked up." I say.

"I know! You don't think I know?! I can't leave though." He says. 

"Your siblings." I say. He nods.

"I told you my home life was rough, but no one cares about Ashton. No one asks why he burns, they just ask what it's like to burn! They don't care that I burn because my mum burned me before! Nope! Everybody is too busy with their own fucked up lives to care about anyone else!" Ashton progressively gets louder.

"Hey! Fucking chill! We did ask, you were the one that didn't answer. If you needed to talk to us you could've. I literally sit home all day everyday, you could have come over and talked to me." I say.

"No I couldn't have. You are too busy with your own problems and Luke." Ashton says.

"Ash, I'm never too busy. Yes Luke needs me a lot, but I will still do anything to help you." I say.

"You can't help me Cal! I have to live there, I can't just leave them there with her!" Ashton says.

"Ashton, you can bring them over to my house any time. Just to get them and yourself away from her." I say. 

"Cal you don't understand. You can't understand. I can't just up and leave with them! She'll call the cops and I'll go to jail for kidnapping my siblings!" He exclaims.

"Ashton, just calm down and breathe for a moment." I say. 

"My head hurts." He sniffles.

"I'll get you an aspirin when we get to my place." I say.

"Shit, what time is it?" Ashton lifts his head up.

"Five, why?" I ask.

"Bring me home, now." He demands.

"No way in hell, Ashton you are a drunken mess." I say.

"My mum is an alcoholic, and it's gonna happen to me too, I know it." Ash says, crying again.

"What, no, Ash it doesn't work like that." I say, looking over at him real quick.

"Yes it does, I'm gonna end up as an alcoholic douchbag that beats his kids." Ashton says. I finally pull up to my house where Luke is waiting outside of Ashton's car.

"Is your mum home? Cal you can't let her see me drunk." Ashton starts freaking out again.

"Ashton for the love of god calm down." I say.

"Cal I need to stay the night here, please." Ashton says to me.

"Of course Ash." I say. He wipes his face dry and sits still trying to catch his breath. Luke walks over to my car, but I shake my head.

"God, that was embarrassing. Please never mention that ever to me or anyone." Ashton says to me.

"Sure Ash, are you ok though?" I ask.

"Calum, I am so not ok I'm almost equivalent to Luke." Ashton says.

"For the love of god don't attempt suicide." I say.

"I said almost. I wouldn't do that, I have people to protect." Ash says.

"Seriously Ashton, you can talk to me any time. You know, instead of exploding." I say.

"Cal it is so hard to talk." Ash says.

"I know, or rather Luke would know." I say. 

"Get me some aspirin then I'm taking a nap in your bed." Ash says.

"Sure." I say. We get out of the car and meet up with Luke on the way inside.

"Should I ask now or later?" Luke asks me.

"Tell him when I'm asleep, I'm done with today." Ashton says.

"It doesn't work like that." I facepalm.

"Unless you don't wake up until after midnight. It worked for me." Luke grins. We head inside and I grab Ashton a few aspirin and bottle of water. We head into my room and Ashton downs the pills and water, and then burrows into my bed. I sit on my desk chair and Luke sits cross cross on my lap facing me. I wrap my arms around him so he doesn't fall.

"Are you ok? After that with Xavier?" I ask Luke quietly.

"Yeah, what happened during your ride though?" Luke asks me. I look over at Ashton who is snoring from under my blankets.

"Ashton's mum beats him." I say to Luke.

"What the fuck? That's terrible." Luke says.

"Penguin, he fucking exploded in my car, begging me not to tell his mum. He was full on crying and I could barely understand him." I say.

"Why doesn't he leave?" Luke asks.

"His siblings." I say.

"That's really terrible." Luke says.

"His mum burned him before, that's why he burns." I say.

"I thought my home life was bad, I had no idea." Luke says.

"I know. He said he never told anyone because we all have our own fucked up lives to live." I say.

"What? Really? Did you tell him that we'd always have time for him?" Luke asks me.

"Of course I did. After he calmed down he said it is just too hard to talk." I say.

"Yeah, I know the feeling." Luke says.

"We need a band group therapy." I mumble.

"Ashton can't stay there, it isn't safe for him." Luke says.

"He can't leave because of his siblings." I say.

"God, I wish I had- well, I do, never mind." He says.

"Had what?" I ask.

"Someone I have to protect, but I do." He says.

"Me?" I ask.

"Well you're a bit busy protecting me, so someone has to have your back." Luke says.

"You are so sweet." I say.

"I know." He sticks his tongue out at me.

"It was crazy penguin, I've never seen Ash like that. He said he's almost at your level of not okayness." I say to Luke.

"Well, that's not good." Luke says. 

"I know." I say.

"We are one fucked up band." Luke says. 

"Yup." I say. 

"You know, I noticed before that Ashton never liked getting all touchy with us. Like when you, Michael and I would lay on top of each other. I think I know why now." Luke says.

"Yeah. I wish we could talk him into getting out of there." Cal says. 

"Maybe we can, just not right now. When he's sober." Luke says.

"Oh, another thing. His mum is an alcoholic and he thinks he's gonna turn out to be just like her." I say.

"What? For real? Jesus." Luke says.

"Yeah." I say.

"Did you give him a hug? Because if I were him I'd need a hug." Luke says. 

"I was driving." I remind Luke.

"Oh yeah." He says.

"Well, lets let him sleep, we can hug him later." I say.

"Hey, if he's in your bed where are we sleeping?" Luke asks me.

"The floor." I say. We go and grab blankets and pillows and then lay down together on the floor.

"What if he tries to leave before we wake up?" Luke asks me.

"I took his keys and threw them under my bed, my keys are under there too." I say.

"Smart." Luke says, cuddling up to me. I hold Luke in my arms as we slowly fall asleep. 

***


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: Band meeting

Chapter Twenty-One (Pilots (XD))

***

LUKE POV

**8am, March 15th**

"Ash, you aren't leaving." I hear Calum say.

"Yes I am, where are my keys?" Ashton asks.

"Ashton stop." Cal says, and the room goes dead silent.

"Cal I will knock your lights out if you ever grab me again." Ashton breaks the silence. Guess it's time to join the argument. I push myself up and walk over to them.

"Stop it, both of you. My god. Ash can you just sit down for a second?" I ask Ash, pulling Calum's hand off his arm.

"Do you know where my keys are?" Ashton asks me.

"Yup, sit down and I'll tell you." I say. Ashton glares at me, but does go to sit down. Calum glares at me for a second, but then gives it up. 

"Ash, we need to talk." I say to Ashton.

"Luke, I need to go home." Ashton says.

"Not yet Ashton. We need to talk first." I say.

"I don't want to." Ashton mumbles.

"Ash please." I say.

"What do you want me to talk about?" He asks.

"Why do you let her hit you?" I ask carefully.

"She's my mother, what can I do?" Ashton asks.

"You fucking hit her back Ashton. You realize what she's doing is child abuse right?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I know. If I hit her back though she'll have me arrested, and then they'll investigate, and then they'll take my siblings, and I will never see them again." Ashton says, tearing up.

"Ashton, you've graduated, you can fight for custody of them and have your mum jailed." I say.

"Or we can offer to take them in Ash." Cal says.

"No you guys. I don't have the means to support them." Ashton says.

"Then report her and Luke or I can have our parents offer to foster them. Ashton don't you want them to be safe?" I ask.

"They're safe when I'm there." He says.

"Ash, you can't be there full time." I say.

"I'm touched you two actually care, but I can take care of it on my own. Give me my keys." Ashton says.

"Ashton, if you don't hit her back she will never stop. Put her in her fucking place." I say to him.

"Yeah, like what he did with Aliyah." Cal says, point to me.

"I recall you hitting her and then him getting run over because of it, I'm good." Ashton says. 

"Ok asshole, hit me in my wounds why don't you. Ashton, I'm serious. The next time she hits you I want you to backhand her." I say.

"You're nuts, I'm leaving." He says. Cal gets him his keys and he leaves.

"I still don't understand why anyone would fuck with him." Cal says.

"Me neither." I say. There's a knock on the bedroom door and then it opens.

"What the fuck was up with him?" Michael asks. Ashton suddenly reappears and pushes past Michael.

"You tell him, you die." Ashton gets in my face. Ok, that's it. 

"Ok, you sit your ass down, you close the door, we are having a fucking band meeting right fucking now and nobody is leaving this room until everybody has talked." I say, shoving Ashton onto the bed and glaring at Michael until he closes the door. I rip Ashton's keys out of his hand, and go throw them out the window.

"What the fuck!" Ashton shouts.

"Don't you ever get in my face again or I will kill you. Sit down." I say to Ashton and then Michael. I push Calum to Ashton's other side, and I sit in the desk chair.

"Ok, Michael you are going first and you are gonna tell us about every fucking problem you have and explain them." I say to Michael.

"Can you be less hostile?" Michael asks me.

"Start talking Michael." I say.

"Since this is your doing why don't you go first Luke?" Ashton asks me in a really snarky tone.

"Irwin you watch your tone. Fine, I will go first, but then you're next Ashton. If you don't tell I will tell it for you." I say. Ashton glares at me.

"Since I'm going first, life fucking sucks. This is literally a fact of my life by this point. I hate going to school because I'm constantly tormented. I've been shoved into lockers, pushed down stairs, and literally beaten the shit out of in the hallway. I hate being at home because my mum is fucking clueless and causes more problems than she solves. She knows I get tormented daily but she doesn't care enough to pull me out of school. She doesn't understand why I'm never home. She thinks she knows what I'm going through but how could she? Me in general, I'm a fucking mess. I'm so fucked up even I don't know what's bothering me most of the time. I know I'm going to kill myself someday, probably someday soon. When I do I don't want to be missed all too much. I hate to say this, but I'd rather go out with you guys, but I know you guys wouldn't do that with me." I say, staring at the ground.

"I would." Michael says. We all stare at him. I then turn to look at Calum.

"Oh, I thought it was a given I would." Cal says.

"Sorry, but I couldn't." Ashton says.

"Yeah, I know." I say to Ash. We all give Ashton a look, telling him it's his turn. Ashton groans, but Cal nudges him.

"My mum beats me." He says to Michael. Michael stares at him for a long time.

"Like, actually beats you?" Michael asks.

"Yes, that's why I burn." Ashton says.

"Why don't you leave then? You're graduated and basically an adult." Michael says.

"Because I have to protect my siblings, that's why I can't join him. I have people to look after." Ashton says.

"We all have people to look after." Michael says.

"They look after each other and are both gonna die together. Who do you have to protect?" Ashton asks him. 

"Are you kidding me Ash? Who do I protect? I protect all of you. Don't you ever notice that I am always where I'm needed?" Michael asks. 

"He is." I say. Calum nods in agreement. 

"You guys don't get it. I couldn't leave if I wanted to anyways. What would happen to them? I couldn't just leave them." Ashton says.

"Dude, get custody of them and get the fuck out of there." Michael says.

"That's what I said." I mumble.

"They wouldn't give me custody because I have no way to support them." Ashton says. 

"Ash, any of us could help you out." Michael says.

"I told him the next time she hits him to put her in her place." I say.

"Uh, bad idea." Michael says.

"Eh, worked for me." I shrug.

"Your boyfriend almost died." Michael reminds me.

"Yeah, I almost died, I'm still here." I say. 

"Ok, don't hit her, but Ash seriously go to the police. What she's doing is child abuse." Michael says.

"Ash, has she ever tried to hit Lauren or Harry?" Calum asks. Ashton nearly answers, but then stops to think about it.

"Not really I guess, but that's because I'm there to protect them." He says.

"No, have you ever had to stop her from trying to hit them?" Michael clarifies for Cal.

"No, she always goes for me." He says.

"Then she doesn't want to hurt them Ashton, she just wants to hurt you." Michael says.

"No-"

"If she wanted to hit them then you wouldn't be able to stop her." Michael cuts him off.

"Then why does she hit me?" Ashton asks. 

"Would she blame you for your dad leaving?" I ask. 

"But I didn't have anything to do with that." Ashton says.

"That doesn't mean she doesn't blame you. You said she's an alcoholic too. Is she drunk when you get home?" I ask.

"No, she normally starts when... but what did I do?!" He asks upon realization.

"She blames you for your dad leaving." Calum says.

"I never did anything to make him leave though." Ashton says. 

"Your mum thinks otherwise." I say.

"You're gonna tell me leaving will be better for everyone." Ashton says.

"Yup." Michael says.

"We all have room for you Ash." Cal says.

"I'll think about it." He says.

"Good! Cal, your turn." I say to Calum.

"Oh boy, lets see. Well, I haven't gone to school hardly at all this year. That would be because last year Jeff and Jai locked me in a janitors closet on a Friday and nobody found me until Monday. Um, I was stabbed in the arm with a pencil by a plastic. Now they torment me on Facebook. I've had them come by my house, and they actually broke my window once. Jeff and a plastic came by and slashed all my tires. It's a lovely time really. Oh, and I'm totally suicidal but I'm too scared to do it." Cal says. I stare at him with my jaw dropped.

"And you give me shit about not talking?!" I exclaim. 

"That's because you aren't afraid to kill yourself." Cal says to me.

"I'm gonna smack you." I state.

"Now, now, lets all play nice." Michael says.

"Wait, a plastic stabbed you with a pencil?" Ashton asks Cal.

"Actually I think it was a pen, but yeah." Cal nods.

"You were locked in a janitors closet for three days?" I ask.

"Without any of my stuff." Cal says.

"Wait, I though you broke your window with your bass." Michael says.

"That's what I told my mum." He says.

"And everyone else." I glare at him.

"How'd you explain the tires?" Ashton asks.

"I didn't, my mum saw them first and I told her I didn't know anyone that would do that." Cal says. 

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" I ask him.

"Because I didn't want you starting anything that would result in you getting your ass kicked." Cal says.

"Ok, fair enough." I say.

"Well that's my life, Michael?" Calum asks him.

"Well first things first, I'm not asking out Danae." Michael says.

"What? Why not?" Calum asks.

"Because I don't like chicks." Michael says.

"Wait, are you coming out fully gay?" I ask.

"Uh, I think so." Michael says.

"That's awesome!" I exclaim, going over and hugging him. I take my seat again, and allow him to continue.

"Anyways, I like someone else. Not anyone new. So yes, Calum I still like you and this is really awkward for me." Michael says, moving to look at Cal.

"Oh, um, ok." Cal says.

"I also kinda like someone else, but anyways! Uh, I've been getting lightheaded lately." He says.

"Then fucking eat something." I say.

"Luke! Inconsiderate!" Cal scolds me.

"No, he's right, I should be eating. Not binge eating, normal eating. I guess I decided I'm gonna try to stop binge eating." Michael says. 

"We'll help you." Ashton says. Michael looks at Ash for a moment and I see something. Hm... 

"Thanks, because I'm gonna need a lot of help. I've been binge eating for three years now. As for the bulimic part, I don't know." Michael says.

"Start small." Ash says.

"I know..." Michael trails off. There it is again!

"Well that's it really-"

"What? No, where's the backstory? Why did you start binge eating? Why did you become bulimic? We all had back stories." I say.

"Mate!" Cal reaches over and smacks me. Ashton then smacks Cal for hitting me because Michael got real uncomfortable real quick. And then there it is again! They keep looking at each other! Are they, like, communicating through brainwave?

"Backstory, ok. I've been a binge eater longer than bulimic. I've been bulimic for a year." Michael says. I notice Calum pale a little while he stares at Michael.

"Yes Calum, I make myself throw up because I thought I wasn't good enough for you." Michael turns to look at Cal.

"I never-"

"I know, and it wasn't all your fault. See, you tend to gain weight when you binge eat all the time and do nothing but play video games." Michael says.

"That's no reason to make yourself throw up." Cal says.

"It was in my mind. I gained a hundred pounds in two years before I became bulimic." Michael says.

"What? No way. Your appearance hasn't changed a bit." Ashton says. Holy shit, am I a genius?

"Thanks... But yes. Guess how much I've lost in the last year." Michael says. He's making eye contact with me and he's tearing up and he's gonna make me cry. 

"How much?" Cal asks carefully.

"Ten pounds." Michael says, tears now escaping his eyes. Agh, he made me cry too! Through my blurry eyes I watch Ashton wrap an arm around Michael. Michael buries his face into Ashton's neck, and I connect the dots. 

"Michael, who else did you say you like?" I suddenly ask, wiping my face dry real quick.

"I didn't say." Michael squeaks out through a constrained voice. 

"You like Ashton." Calum states.

"And Ashton likes you back." I say. We can't see Michael's expression, but Ashton is blushing bright red. Ashton then ducks his head and whispers something to Michael. Michael nods once, then twice, and then a third time. Michael lifts his head up, and his face is really blotchy and his eyes are really red.

"Your shirt is itchy." He says to Ash. 

"Sorry." Ashton rolls his eyes. Ashton keeps an arm around him and rubs his arm while Michael composes himself.

"And I don't know why I started binge eating, it just happened." Michael says with a shaky voice. Ashton rubs his arm some more, and whispers something to Michael again.

"Of course you can stay at my place." Michael attempts whispering back, but can't because he's still kinda crying.

"So Ash, what happened to being straight?" I ask with a devilish grin.

"Yesterday happened. I was with this girl, but it just didn't feel right." Ash says.

"She was lacking a dick." Michael says with a grin. Ashton blushes again, but still doesn't let go of Michael.

"So when did these feelings develop?" Calum asks them.

"I don't know, I just kept finding myself thinking about him." Ashton says.

"I've kinda had an eye on him for a while, but he was straight so I didn't act on it." Michael says.

"So, in all that whispering and nodding, did you perhaps ask him out?" I ask Ashton.

"No." Ashton says.

"What exactly are you waiting for?" Calum asks. 

"I asked if he wanted me to wait until he was done crying, that was one of the nods." Ashton says. Michael wipes his face dry once more, and rubs his face with his hands.

"Wow, talking is hard." Michael says.

"We know." All of us say. I watch Michael's left hand shift from his lap to Ashton's right thigh. I pull my phone out and take a picture of them.

"I, as you say, ship it." I say. Calum gets up and stands next to me. 

"I ship it too." Calum says. I grab Cal's waist and pull him onto my lap. I follow Michael's eyes as they move from Calum to me; they then move over to Ashton's hand on his arm still. He visibly relaxes a little, telling me that he'd rather choose Ashton over Cal, which is comforting. 

"So, can I call the band meeting to a close?" I ask. We all look around at each other, and they all nod.

"Did I really piss you off that much earlier?" Ashton asks me.

"Yes you did. Get in my face again and I will punch you." I say.

"Hey, be nice." Cal says to me.

"Hey, what? What's wrong?" Ashton suddenly turns his attention to Michael. 

"Kinda binge ate last night and haven't thrown up yet and feel like I'm dying." Michael hugs his stomach. Before Cal and I can say anything Ashton is moving him to the bathroom.

"Throw up, we'll get you something smaller to eat." He says to Michael. 

"Holy shit that's so cute. Look how protective he is immediately." Cal whisper to me.

"Yes Cal, I think we covered the topic of Ashton being protective of those he cares about." I say to Cal. Ashton turns to look at us, a light blush on his cheeks.

"Why don't you guys get him a granola bar or something." Ashton says to us. 

"Fine, come on Cal." I poke Calum in the side. Cal squirms and nearly falls off my lap, but I catch him. Not. I grab him and fall to the ground with him. I land next to him luckily, but it still hurts a little.

"You are idiots." Ashton says to us.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Take care of your soon to be first boyfriend." I say. He blushes and turns away from us. I push Calum up, and he pulls me up in return. 

"Sorry." I grin, grabbing his good hand.

"It's fine, you fell too." He grins. I leads us out, and then we walk side by side to the kitchen.

"I'm surprised Michael skipped school." Cal says to me. 

"I bet Ash texted him or something yesterday when he was drunk." I say. 

"Yeah probably, lets get him something to eat. Maybe we can enjoy the rest of the day as a band without any tension." Cal says.

"Yeah, I'm down for that." I agree. Cal goes searching for a granola bar, and I take time to think about everything I was told. One thing really sticks and bothers me. Cal is suicidal.

***


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two: Moving time

Chapter Twenty-Two   
(special double chapter because it's really long and I couldn't break it up \^.^/ ) (btw CAUTION weird scene that doesn't count as sex in my books)

***

CALUM POV

**3pm, March 15th**

I was really surprised with the way Luke took control this morning. He gave zero fucks and got the job done. I forget sometimes that I don't have to do everything for him. He's a big boy and can do things on his own. He just doesn't like to. One thing though is he keeps staring at me. I mean, I know why he's staring at me, but it's constant. He's staring at me because I revealed I'm suicidal but too scared to kill myself. I know he's just worried about me, but does he have to? I mean he only attempted suicide a couple days ago. He didn't even consider my feelings then. Dating a fucked up person while you're fucked up is difficult.

"Hey Cal?" Luke asks me. Not gonna lie, didn't want to talk to him so I may have groaned a little.

"What?" I ask.

"Never mind, sorry for bothering you." He says. 

"No, sorry, I just know what you're gonna ask." I say.

"I get why you never told me, but a lot of shit could have been avoided if I knew." He says.

"You mean you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself when I nearly died?" I ask him. 

"Maybe, I don't know, it's too late now though." He says.

"You didn't care about what would happen to me if you succeeded. You never would have cared if I never told you. I wanted you to care without having to know." I say. 

"Baby, I've always cared, it's just when I fall into those ruts that it's really hard to care about anything. When I fall into a rut all I think about is death. Why do you think I'm so messed up when you pull me out? Why do you think I was scared to look at it? I nearly left you without a second thought. That really fucks me up because I do care about you. I care about you a lot." He says. We're crying. I'm crying because I thought he didn't care about me. He's crying because he cares about me. We are both seriously fucked up right now.

"Come here." He opens his arms for me. I scoot over and lean into his arms. He wraps his arms around me, and holds me tightly, but not too tightly so he won't hurt me. I feel like an idiot now for thinking he didn't care about me. 

"I get why you thought I didn't care about you, because it looked like I didn't care about you." He says to me. I nod into him, tears still escaping my eyes and soaking into his shirt. He's quiet for a while, and I know he's thinking hard about something. I hope he's thinking about what I think he's thinking about. I've thought about it too, but timing really matters.

"Koala, no matter what know I love you. I really do. I love you and I never want to lose you." He says to me. Damn his timing was so good.

"I love you too penguin, I don't wanna lose you either." I say into him. 

"I've been waiting a really long time to say that." He says to me.

"Same, it's all about the timing, and you've got that shit down." I say. He chuckles and kisses my cheek.

"I thought you'd be the one to say it first." He says to me.

"So did I, but I can be patient, and it was worth the wait." I say.

"Next on the to do list is sex, correct?" He asks me.

"Oh my god penguin." I say.

"So I'm right?" He asks.

"Yes, you are right, but I thought you wanted to wait until you were sixteen?" I ask.

"Babe, lets be real here, what're the chances I'll live to be sixteen?" He asks me.

"Pretty fucking high if I'm here." I say.

"So optimistic babe." He says.

"You're gonna live for a long while if I have any say in it." I say.

"Fine, but I don't want to wait because what if something did happen? I mean, you almost died a few days ago." He says to me. 

"Can't you wait until I'm not crippled?" I ask.

"Of course I can." He says.

"Good, thought you were gonna get needy." I say.

"I would never." He says.

"I mean, it's ok if you do." I say, a blush creeping onto my face. Thank god he can't see my face.

"Why, are you needy too?" He asks me.

"I am if you are." I say. 

"Does that mean we can mess around?" He asks.

"Yeah." I say. I move out of his arms and sit up next to him.

"How are you so horny when you look so sad?" He asks me, stroking my cheek.

"Last time you were horny you started crying, so shush." I say. He blushes, and stops stroking my cheek.

"No, don't stop." I pout. He brings his hand back and continues stroking my cheek.

"You like this?" He asks me.

"Yeah." I say. He leans forward and kisses my forehead. 

"So, you're suicidal." He says to me, seriousness showing in his eyes.

"Yeah." I say.

"Can I help?" He asks me.

"You already do." I say.

"Can I help more?" He asks now.

"No." I say. He pouts, so I lean forward and kiss him. 

"Why?" He asks.

"Because I'm ok right now. If I need you I'll let you know, but you need me more right now." I say. His eyes shine with pure adoration, and he hugs me again. 

***CAUTION FOR ANY VIRGIN EYES***

"Want to attempt sucking my dick again?" He asks me. I pull out of his hug completely shocked. He just grins at me with his cute horny look. Yes, he is still cute when he's horny. 

"Um, yes." I say timidly. He undoes his pants right there and pulls them down with his boxers. Holy shit, he's soft and so precious looking. I pull my shirt off and then straddle his hips

"I hate those stitches." Luke states. I look down at my chest.

"So do I." I say. I rub his inner thigh to start getting him up. 

"Go down while I'm soft and let me get hard in your throat, you'll see why." He says to me. 

"Ok." I say, no longer rubbing his thigh. I bring my head down and bring his soft dick into my mouth. Oh my god, he is so soft, it's wonderful. It's quite difficult to get him down my throat while he's soft because it's making it way harder not to gag or choke.

"Start sucking." Luke instructs me. 

I do as told and start sucking. I leave trails of saliva on him, feeling him grow hard in my mouth. Sucking him when he's soft is so different than when he's hard because I can move him around my mouth as much as I want. I press my teeth into him lightly, and then start moving my head up and down on him. 

"Slower." Luke says, pushing my hair back, out of my face. Slower? Never thought I'd hear that request. Then again I've given that request before. I move slower and see why. It feels like time has slowed. It's only us. Not any of our problems, just us. Suddenly Luke pulls me off, pushes my head down and pulls the blankets over us. Well, over me and his dick really.

***THAT'S IT VIRGIN EYED PEOPLE***

"Have you not heard of knocking?!" Luke shouts at whoever came in.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I hear Ashton say.

"Can I sit up?" I ask. Luke moves me and keeps himself covered. When I sit up I find it's not just Ashton. This is so embarrassing. Luke seems pissed off at them, but I'm just embarrassed. 

"So, why are you two here?" I ask, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Well we didn't come to watch you suck his dick." Michael says. Ashton turns and whispers harshly in his ear.

"Sorry, I'm in a bad mood." Michael huffs, crossing his arms.

"His mum yelled at him for skipping school." Ashton explains.

"Yeah, and apparently telling her to not yell at me is a crime." Michael says.

"Basically he's grounded." Ashton says.

"Basically I don't give a shit." Michael says.

"Move." Luke shoves me off him, and off the bed. Luckily Ashton moves fast enough and grabs me before I hit the ground.

"Hey, careful with the cripple." Ashton says, letting me get to my feet. I wait for Luke to gets his clothes back on, and then sit back down next to him. I turn to face him and lightly smack his cheek.

"Stop it." I give him a stern look. He glares hard at me. I smack him again and repeat my warning.

"Smack me like a bad dog again and I'll bite you like one." Luke says to me. Asshole. I move onto his lap and force his arms around me. He doesn't resist much and doesn't push me off again.

"You done?" Ashton asks us.

"Mhm." I nod.

"Well we came because I need help getting my shit out of my house." Ashton says. 

"Sure-"

"How much shit do you have that you need our help?" Luke cuts me off. I turn around in his lap and give him a menacing glare.

"Cut it out now. You can stay here by yourself while I go help him." I say to Luke sharply. He backs down and immediately looks like a wounded puppy. Not falling for it.

"Um, do I answer him?" Ashton asks me.

"No, don't give him that satisfaction, lets go." I say, pushing myself off of Luke. 

"Last chance Luke, you coming or not?" Michael asks Luke.

"I'm coming." He says, pushing himself up.

"If you keep acting like an asshole I will smack you." I say to him. 

"No one is smacking anyone at my house." Ashton says.

"Fine, I'll smack you after if you act like an asshole." I say to Luke. 

"Cal you should bring your car, I do have a drum set to pack up." Ashton says.

"Oh." Luke mumbles. 

"Do you want your grumpy soon to be boyfriend or my grumpy boyfriend?" I ask Ashton. Luke glares at me and goes over to my car. 

"Meet you there then." Ash says, holding a hand out for Michael. Michael nearly smacks his hand away, but Ash pulls his own hand back before Michael makes contact. Michael realizes his mistake and apologizes. Ash takes his hand now and leads him over to his car.

"They're cute." Luke says when I go over to my car.

"I'm mad at you, get in the car." I say to him. He listens with no objection, and actually gets in the car. I climb in and put my keys in the ignition.

"Sorry for being an asshole. I was just, I don't know how to put it." He says.

"You were pissed off because they interrupted me sucking your dick." I state. He turns bright red, and I know I hit the nail on the head.

"Yeah, exactly. Anyway, sorry for being a jerk." He says.

"Well, sorry for smacking you like a naughty puppy." I say.

"Yeah, now that wasn't ok. Don't do that. I'm serious, it felt like you were belittling me." He says to me.

"Ok, I won't again. I didn't mean to belittle you." I say.

"I know." He says.

"We good?" I ask.

"Yeah, we good." Luke nods. I pull out of my driveway and we follow behind Ashton. I notice Luke staring at my hand, probably trying to figure out a way to get it in his hand. 

"Baby, you can just ask for my hand you know." I say, offering my hand. He takes my hand and we rest our arms on the center console.

"I didn't know how." He blushes from embarrassment. I squeeze his hand to let him know it's ok to be embarrassed.

"Just ask, like, just ask. Nothing fancy to it. Just ask for my hand." I say.

"Ok." He says. We pull up to Ashton's house, and I take my hand back to park the car. We climb out of my car and meet up with them in front of my house.

"We need to be done as soon as possible. My siblings are at daycare and my mum isn't home yet. I'm getting my drums first, you guys get my clothes." Ashton says to us. 

"Do you need help with your drums?" Michael asks him.

"No, it's not too hard." He says. He wants to be alone during this, I sense it.

"You sure?" Michael asks.

"Yeah Mikey." Ash says. Michael finally gets the hint and heads inside. 

"He's so dense, it's funny." Ash grins.

"Be nice." I say.

"I am!" Ash says. Luke and I head inside and to Ashton's room.

"How can someone have so little clothes? I have hundreds of clothes and I still don't have anything to wear." Michael says. Luke and I shake our heads at him.

"That has nothing to do with the number of clothes, that's just you being picky." Luke says.

"Whatever you say." Michael says. I lug a big suitcase out of his closet and lay it on the floor. 

"If either of you fuck up the organization once I set it in place I'll murder you." I say to them. I make designated spots for certain types of shirts and spots for pants and shorts. They start doing that while I gather up all shoes, boxers, and socks. I throw everything but the shoes into an empty space, and set the shoes next to the bag. I get another smaller suitcase for everyday necessities like chargers and bathroom stuff. 

"Don't touch that box." Ashton appears, grabbing the box I was about to open.

"Sorry?" I say questioningly. He walks out with it, and soon reappears to help us.

"You guys are fast." Ash says.

"Well you don't exactly have as much stuff as we do." Luke says.

"That's because I spent all my money on my drums and acoustic box." Ashton says.

"You know you can ask us for stuff right? I literally get paid for doing nothing, and Luke does now too." I say.

"Well when I need something I'll ask, right now I don't need anything." Ash says. 

"Ok." I shrug. He helps us pack up the rest of his stuff, and we go put it my car. His drums are in his car. Once we get my trunk closed I notice him checking his pockets. He doesn't want to ask, but he can't find his lighter. I notice Michael watching with a certain look in his eye. He notices me looking at him, and pats his pocket.

"Ash what are you looking for?" Luke asks Ashton, completely oblivious to the exchange I had with Mikey.

"My lighter." He says.

"Well where was it?" I ask. Guess we're playing along.

"It was in my pocket I thought." He says. 

"Was it in your room maybe?" Michael asks.

"No- wait maybe. I didn't bring it to that party yesterday. It's in my room." Ashton says. 

"Go get it, hurry up." Michael says. Ashton eyes Michael for a moment, not in a flirty way, and he totally spots his lighter in Michael's pocket. He still goes inside and now he's playing along too.

"Are you banning him from his lighter?" I ask Michael.

"Yup. You two don't have your blades, I'm gonna be doing something with my eating, so Ashton doesn't get his lighter. It makes it all fair." Michael says.

"When did you even grab his lighter?" I ask.

"I went in first, you two took a little longer." Michael shrugs.

"Do you think here and now is the best time to take his lighter? We're at his house and he's moving out." I say. Luke is kinda following the conversation, but I can tell he's still connecting some dots.

"He knows I have it, I saw him look at me before he went in." Michael shrugs.

"If he needs it are you gonna give it to him?" I ask. 

"No." He says.

"He'll steal it from you if he really needs it, especially if he knows you have it." Luke says.

"Yeah, learned that one the hard way." I say.

"If he actually needs it I'll give it to him." Michael says. Ashton comes back out and doesn't say anything about it.

"We good to go?" I ask him.

"Yup." He says. We get in our separate cars, but this time we do swap passengers. Michael gets in with me, and Luke goes with Ash.

"So, I assume you made an eating plan with Ash." I say to Michael.

"I don't want to talk about food." Michael states.

"Ok... Well what do you want to talk about?" I ask.

"How come I never, like, tried to get with Ashton before? I've had my eyes on him for a long time, like, since I met him." Michael says.

"I don't know, because he was straight?" I say.

"Ok, you were straight too and I tried with you." Michael says.

"I haven't been straight since I was thirteen." I glance over at him.

"What? But you told me-"

"I was undecided." I cut him off.

"How can you be undecided?" Michael asks me.

"Because I wasn't sure if I liked just dick or if I still liked tits." I say.

"You were undecided for two whole years?" Michael asks me.

"More like one and a half." I say. 

"When did you choose dick?" Michael asks.

"In the time between you and Luke." I say. 

"Oh." Michael says. 

"I ship Mashton though." I grin over at him. 

"Uh, thanks, but the ship has yet to sail." Michael says. We pull up to Michael's house and I stop Michael from getting out.

"So where in your house are you having him stay?" I ask.

"His stuff is going in the guest room, but he'll probably sleep in my room." Michael grins. 

"Nice." I nod. We get out and start bringing stuff inside. Somehow Luke and I do all the work while they flirt behind Ashton's car. Once we get all his drum set in we chill in Michael's room.

"They are so cute, look how cute they are!" Luke exclaims, his face pressed against the window. I go over and wrap an arm around his waist.

"Please, we are much cuter than they are." I say. 

"Well no kidding, but they are still super cute." Luke looks over at me.

"Never said they weren't, want to embarrass them?" I ask with an evil grin. 

"Hell yes." Luke grins back. I push the window open and lean out.

"Let the ship sail?" Luke asks, leaning out with me.

"Or let it burn down in flames." I nod. We grin at each other.

"Hey lovebirds! Let the ship sail!" I shout to them. 

"Let the Mashton ship sail!" Luke yells. They both burn bright red and Michael flips us off. 

"We are such good friends." I say.

"Hell yes." Luke grins.

"Get out of my room!" Michael yells to us.

"Make us!" I yell. Michael pulls away from Ashton and walks into the house.

"Shit move." I pull Luke out of the window. I close the window and we run out of his room. We lean against the door slyly when Michael comes up the stairs. 

"You guys suck, and I don't mean dick." Michael says to us. We move out of the way and follow him into his room.

"Where's Ash?" Luke asks.

"He's coming." Michael says, patting his pocket.

"Ah, I see. Did the ship sail?" I ask.

"Oh my god, yes the ship fucking sailed." Michael says, sounding very annoyed with us.

"Hey, if it wasn't for us the ship wouldn't have sailed." I say.

"I'm gonna smack you." Michael says, sitting down at his computer.

"So what do you even play on this beast?" Luke asks him, gesturing to his computer. We don't touch his computer anymore, last time we did we nearly got pushed out of his window.

"Lots of games." Michael says.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like worms." He says.

"Do you play online with people?" I ask next.

"Well I don't play by myself." He says in a duh tone.

"How many online friends do you have?" Luke asks.

"None, I don't know any of the people I play with enough to be friends." Michael says.

"Why wouldn't you get to know them?" I ask.

"Because they could be child rapists." He says in his duh tone again.

"Hey, do you have ice?" Ashton walks into the room.

"Yeah, in the freezer, where ice goes." Michael says with a hint of sass.

"Did they annoy you?" Ashton asks Michael.

"What, you can tell? Darn, I was trying to hide it." Michael says sarcastically. I roll my eyes at him, and sit down on his bed. I pat my lap, and Luke takes a seat.

"So, you'll let us know when this bed is no longer clean to sit on right?" I ask Michael.

"Please, that bed was never clean to sit on." Michael snickers.

"Ew!" I shout.

"Loud..." Luke whines, rubbing his ear.

"Sorry baby." I giggle. Michael starts up a game involving guns and killing people, and is immediately engrossed with it. Ashton comes in and goes over to him. He leans down so his mouth is next to his ear and starts whispering things to him. First Michael doesn't pay him much attention, but once Ashton puts a hand on his shoulder and rubs a little he stops playing.

"Flirt much?" Luke whispers to me.

"It's cute though, and kinda gross." I whisper back. We watch Ashton wrap his arms around Michael so he can grab one of his hands. Ashton starts kissing his neck and cheek while turning Mikey's hand into a fist. 

"Ew, lets go." I say to Luke. We don't say anything to them, we just leave.

"Think someone might get fisted?" Luke asks me as we walk down stairs.

"Hi boys." Karen smiles when we reach the bottom. She so heard what Luke asked.

"Hey Karen. We know you, like, grounded Michael for skipping, but there was a band emergency involving everyone." I say to her.

"What was this emergency, if it's good I'll unground him." Karen says.

"Well, the emergency was that Ashton got kicked out kinda. We also talked about when I'll be fully healed from the accident. Then we had to help Ashton pack his stuff and all that." I explain.

"Let me guess, Ashton's staying here, isn't he?" Karen asks.

"Yup, Michael said he could. I mean, a ship did sail if you get me." I grin. Luke smacks me.

"A ship sailed? Oh, oh! You mean they-? When? How? That's so cute!" Karen smiles widely.

"Well, Michael thought Ashton was straight but had his eyes on him. Ashton thought he was straight but he tried getting with a girl a few days ago and said he didn't like it and it didnt make him happy." I say.

"Michael said it was because the hook up was missing another dick." Luke snickers. I smack him.

"Well either way it's cute. I guess he won't be grounded, he is ahead so he didn't miss anything important." Karen says.

"Cool, well we're heading back to my place, and I wouldn't head into his room without knocking if I were you." I say.

"Nice to know." Karen shakes her head.

"Bye!" Luke and I both say. 

"Do you want to continue where we left off?" Luke asks while I drive back to my place.

"Nah, I think it's your turn." I say. 

"Ok." He grins. Don't worry, I do plan to lock the door this time.

***


End file.
